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MUN INFO

name/alias: jade age: 21+ pronouns: she/her timezone: i’m in europe! discord: available, just ask! or if you’ve run into me before, message me on there - it’s still the same and i reply much faster. little trivia fact about yourself: i’m convinced that the crow skull i used to keep on my windowsill had an insanely nefarious energy to it, and that i am now cursed

CHARACTER INFO

character name: kim sungbin age: 26, but his birthday is soon!!! zodiac sign: sag sun / leo moon / leo asc group/band/position: ctrl / singer & rhythmn guitarist info links or quick points about your character: bio & stats (pinterest coming soon)

sungbin used to be the kinda kid your mum would compare you to when he was younger: charming, good looking, involved in a myriad of clubs, talented at the piano and the violin. now he’s kind of.... the bad example of how you do not want to turn out.

quick rundown of how it went down: sungbin’s sister (8 years older) used to take him to parties when she was supposed to babysit him. he got comfortable with a lot of adult stuff a little too early, and then burned through her stash of alcohol too quickly once she got locked up. his mum’s depression got worse, nobody was really watching him, sungbin snuck out a lot of a teenager and made a bunch of bad decisions. nobody realised that he was idolizing his sister and having mental health issues until he moved out and spent two weeks on his grandma’s couch (shoutout to grandma, the real mvp!)

bad decisions, you ask? here’s an incomplete list: getting blackout drunk, taking unknown pills, getting into fist fights, a tongue piercing (now grown shut), two stick & pokes (now covered up), dyeing his hair blue (cute until he fried his scalp with bleach over the bathtub), hitting up his sister’s ex while apartment hunting, hitting on his ex’ new boyfriend.

said sister taught him to play the bass, so he kinda stuck to that for a while, then picked up guitar, too. joined a few different bands which either fell apart or had him leaving (the vibe wasn’t right or they kicked him out for being unreliable). ctrl being a steady presence in his life over the past five years has done wonders for him.

used to be diagnosed with major depression for ages but none of the meds were really working and he got extremely frustrated through it all. got a new psychologist this summer and with it a shiny new diagnosis: bipolar II. he’s currently coming to grips with it, but so far it’s made a major positive change in his life (he can be counted on to show up when you make plans, for one).

& some trivia:

as of recent developments, he’s working as a tattoo artist. he used to cycle through a bunch of different customer service jobs, but he’s really bad about coming in when he’s feeling down, so doing something he’s passionate about has been a huge improvement. he’s also doing some volunteering (swimming classes at the pool and sometimes boxing workshops for kids, plus whatever’s interesting that’s going on in the community).

in case this hasn’t been clear: he can be really, really flaky. when he’s in a depressive episode he’ll tell himself that he’ll text back later and then forgot (calling him is easier!), and he stops showing up for plans. to give him some credit, his circumstances are tricky to navigate, but he needs to get better about at least giving people a heads-up. this is compounded by his inability to talk about his feelings & his general unwillingness to be constantly available. but if you stick with him through all his bs, he will do pretty much anything for you, so there’s something...?

sungbin’s always been into visual art; music is a hobby for him but he doesn’t intend to pursue it as a career. really wouldn’t want for ctrl to become mainstream enough for him to have to focus on the band primarily. mostly just wants to live a normal life.

he’s driving a really shitty car that looks like it should be coming apart at the seams, and if you insult it he will defend it viciously. the interior is fully covered in stickers but the seats are weirdly comfortable.

very loyal to his friends, which bites him in the ass pretty regularly. if you’re friendly with him but piss off someone he’s closer to, he’ll immediately burn that bridge. true ride or die. aside from that, he tries not to get involved in drama.

further hobbies, talents & interests include: growing his massive plant collection, tarot readings (but he very firmly does not believe), the occasional run, dinosaurs, 70s & 80s music, leftist politics (he will debate you), skateboarding, deliberately badly drawn animals, pokémon (his favourite is gliscor!) & sports anime, ugly sneakers, tabletop games, camping

development you’d like to see for your character: right now, sungbin’s working on living like a functional adult, so expect to be taken on a sightseeing tour through his struggles & eventual success.

plots you’d like to see for your character: anything really! i strongly prefer plotting through chemistry. to get started though, a few thoughts:

people he knew as a kid and lost contact with (bonus points if they still have an image of him in their head that isn’t current at all)

people he went to school with &/or hung out with as a teen

past groupmates, or people who have been in the industry for a while he keeps bumping into

someone he’d really like to fistfight! whatever reason works.

someone he’s met in group therapy or (and i know this is a long shot) when he’s visited his sister

exes, or people he’s had flings with. gender doesn’t matter

people he’s worked with! any bland job works, he’s really cycled through it all. can have ended badly or they can bond over how shitty of a time they had

& of course, anything else you can come up with!

#ug.talk

corner booth blues

feat. @n0vacaine

the soft hum of the fluorescent lamps overhead is calming in that way only inappropriate lightning at night can be. sungbin feels overtired, but happy: not fulfilled, because he rarely does, but close. the party had left him disoriented when he’d said his goodbyes, the silence of the streets too vast, but then seoyun had appeared at his side, and their good-natured ribbing on the way had managed to make things better, like a throughout dusting of the corners of sungbin’s mind.

and now they’re here, soaking up alcohol with grease. there’s only a few other customers around – not enough for the atmosphere to be bustling, but it doesn’t feel like they’re misplaced, on their own where they shouldn’t be. sungbin’s managed to eat half of his ice cream dug out of the container with fries that are a little too limp to do their job well, but now that the rest is close to melted he’s given up the cause. sifts through the mess with a spoon to get at the last few solid chunks, and decides to abandon the rest.

“so it turns out the cutting was just that. a stick. a very expensive one, i guess.” he’s in the middle of recalling a niche sort of drama that he doubts seoyun will get very invested in: rare plant cuttings sold without a node for exorbitant prices, essentially leaving them worthless, to unsuspecting costumers. “and the poor girl had been trying just about everything to keep that thing alive, but obviously that couldn’t have worked, and here we are now. late stage capitalism.”

he’d probably had a point somewhere in there, but if he did, it’s lost now, to softdrinks and burgers. sungbin’s very talented at rambling if he remains uninterrupted: he can shimmy from one strong opinion to another with few hiccups. seoyun should be long used to that, considering their past, how long they’ve known each other. sungbin had been even more sold on controversial stances when he was younger.

“but, like, that’s that. doesn’t matter. what’s going on with you, any news?” they hadn’t had much of a chance to catch up at the party, separated by different groups and locations. sungbin rarely hangs out in kitchens nowadays. “how’s that song coming along? i remember you said you were having trouble with the pre-chorus.” though that may be old news: the last time they’d talked, it hadn’t come up, and sungbin’s dredging up memories now from about a month ago.

#/ corner booth blues #ft / seoyun

meiodramatics:

today is unplanned. an unexpected clash of schedules, a sudden decision to feature the both of them in the same cheesy giveaway promotion and they’re both left to their own devices whilst the set is being finalised. he doesn’t start any conversation and she doesn’t know if she has the privilege to, but the silence is asphyxiating, the awkwardness pressing down on her lungs as though to remind her of the weight of her mistakes. a year or so in the grave and here they stand, walking corpses of their former romance. “hi,” she starts, “didn’t expect you’d let us be in the same frame again.”

pauses. “did you know about this, or is this, like, some shitty attempt of using us for clickbait?”

maybe it’s just easy to say this when you’re not the one who got broken up with, but sungbin had felt happy after. like their relationship was a cutting that had grown past rooting in a glass of water and overshot into rot: cut all that off, dump out the murky substance left over, retry. and to continue the allegory: their friendship had regrown after that. sure, there had been some awkwardness. some days, sungbin had looked at the new pictures in haera’s story and tried very hard to ignore the fact that he’d been at home instead of her apartment as implied. but those had been minor setbacks. and then, when they’d hooked up again – once or twice, or more – there had been some of that spark back. like a new leaf coming in, after you’ve spent weeks waiting for a sign of life.

of course, she’d destroyed all hope afterwards with a snapshot he’d known was unintentional. and yet: there’d been messages on instagram after, asking about details. there’s been him, trying to fix what she’d set in motion. and then there had been accusations, some screaming, and after all that he’d spent a week staring at the wall, lethargically unproductive.

no apologies, either. not from either side: he knows that he’d gotten a little too angry for a few moments in there, driven by panic. it’s not all on her. but also, most of it is, or at least that’s how he feels. why should he be the bigger person when he doesn’t shoulder a bigger part of the blame? and so they stagnate, in what feels a little too personal to be described as a cold war. sungbin blocks haera on the few accounts he actually keeps up with. when people mention her name, he tells them to change the topic. he turns away when he sees her and tries very hard not to fight with her again, lest he say something he might actually regret without the convenient excuse of provocation. he still feels violated, not just because he’d trusted her, but also because that little thoughtless picture left uncropped had bared parts of himself he’d wanted to keep hidden outside of his immediate circle. but there’s really no way to take that back, and sungbin’s past denial at this point in his life.

they end up back in the same room without a clear-cut way out by chance. sungbin’s lagging behind – his bandmates are likely to have left already – and he assumes that haera’s early, or she’s leaving the others waiting. doesn’t know for sure, because sungbin refuses to ask: just folds his arms over his chest and leans back in the chair he’s claimed until it’s balancing on its hind legs. times like this, he wishes he could just disassociate on command and be done with it.

and it’s fine, for the most part. he’s deeply unhappy about the proceedings, but he’s been deeply unhappy about a lot of aspects of his life. if only she hadn’t deemed it necessary to talk.

when he replies, his tone is dry. “if i had known i wouldn’t be here.” sungbin still wants to leave; the problem is that he’s made a habit of keeping his promises. “what, you didn’t? i would’ve thought you’d be happy.” at this point, he wouldn’t put it past her. his expectations of her are so low that he’s unsure she’s beyond a grab at attention like this.

#/ nothing new #ft / haera

crash dive.

#ug.task #only like half of these are actually on his playlist but it's about the vibes!

munshine:

And what he really wants to do is to grab at his vape and take a few hits. He knows though that Sungbin will take pause, make that face and then Moon will make it right back, even though it all just smells like cinnamon instead of strangled-off smoke and nicotine. And then the night will bristle. So he doesn’t. Let’s his craving jump to ill-advised canned coffee instead.

it's a good start into a new year of his life. sungbin feels tired, but pleasantly so – the result of a night spent mostly on his feet and the early hour. but he’s sober, content. there’s still the buzz of the club clinging to him now that they’re barely outside, but it’s muted. the air tastes different than it had hours before, when he’d stepped outside to cool down, drag cold air into his lungs.

moon being with him probably adds to that. his presence by sungbin’s side is overfamiliar, not in the sense that he’s fed up but in that sungbin’s come to expect him there so much so that he doesn’t notice it anymore. maybe it’s that what’s dangerous about this: he always thinks that he knows moon so well, like he’s mapped out the corners of his mind a long time ago and made himself a home in those walls, only to find out that there’s rooms still unseen. and he should know that, but it’s been a long time since he’d realised it, that he doesn’t have some kind of laser-vision that’ll turn the cogs of moon’s thought process into something glassy and see-through.

sungbin had thought they’d talked through everything, arrived on the same page, that there’d been no misunderstandings. apparently he’d been wrong to assume.

“if you get coffee now you won’t sleep.” but he says it distractedly: it’s not like he can tell moon what to do or that he’d want to, just a reminder. moon tends to make rash decisions he regrets later on, and so sungbin’s learnt to voice his concerns. “you still need those starbucks stickers, right? we should get that in the morning. make sure you get your merch.” even if moon really doesn’t need more mugs taking up space in his cupboard; sungbin still wants to take an afternoon to clean out his kitchen with all the needless gadgets since it just keeps getting more chaotic in there, but there’s no good way to break that to moon, certified hoarder.

nevertheless, he starts steering the both towards the convenience store, lifts his arm to wrap it around moon’s shoulders. the result is a sort of stumbling walk, but also a warm body pressed to his side, and the benefits always outweigh the cost with these things. sungbin’s always been a tactile person anyway.

“or i guess we can do both,” he amends, because it’s not like he’s likely to sleep as soon as they get to moon’s cramped apartment. they make their way down the street; the doors of the store open with a whoosh. “i think i want, like, sour gummies or something. fun stuff. your bread is so boring.” a squeeze to mun’s shoulder so accompany that last comment, to make sure the delivery comes across as teasing instead of picky. “i guess if we’re here already we should probably get something for breakfast, too.”

#/ glow #ft / moon

anniversary.

feat. @cvetus

“here again?”

the night is cold around them, enough so for sungbin’s breath to fog in the air when he speaks. but he’s still feeling warm; the club had been stifling towards the end when he’d announced his leave, and the aftereffects haven’t left him yet despite his thin sneakers, the open jacket. but then, sungbin’s always run a little hot.

yena beside him doesn’t look as cozy, but the heels would do that, or the fact that it had looked like she’d been working instead of taking the evening off. from his vantage point leaning against the wall he can’t tell whether she’s sober. she probably is. and maybe he could’ve walked up to her earlier and bought her a drink, for the sake of mutual celebration – he’s got loose cash now after all, a wholly unknown circumstance until recently – but he’d been caught in the circle of his friends, and she’d seemed content enough at the bar. they’re not like that, anyway. maybe a little more than a reporter looking for a story and the sought-after interviewee, but certainly not close enough to go out of their ways for each other when there’s other people, different conversation.

a glance at his phone tells him there’s only a minute left of his birthday, if that, and he taps at the clock on the display, waits for it to show the seconds instead of just the minutes. curls his free hand back into his pocket to ward it against incoming chills, and pushes off the wall to stand next to yena, angling his phone so she, too, can watch the seconds tick by. “look, there’s your countdown.”

the beginning of the new day is quiet, or as quiet as it can be on a busy street. it’s reminiscent of the same date a year before: when, at this moment, they hadn’t known each other at all, when yena had approached him and he’d asked her to let him relax on his birthday instead. when they’d bought each other drinks and then stolen away from their respective groups because he’d liked talking to her after all, just not in a professional capacity.

“happy birthday.” he glances around to see if she’s with anyone, even though he hasn’t spotted anyone all evening. the sidewalk is deserted. sungbin’s friends are probably expecting him back, but he can text. “so, how are we celebrating?”

#/ anniversary #ft / yena

theoptia

Euripides, from Grief Lessons: Four Plays; translated by Anne Carson

Text ID: Gods are stubborn. So am I.

#/ words

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