For My Sweetheart (t.h)
Summary: A letter for Tom which should have never reached him.
Warnings: Angsty angst
A/N: well iâm alive hehe... but not for long though :(( my long lived crush on this beautiful man has finally ceased. but iâm still going to support him, his works, his family, and his new relationship (which i find adorable). so in a way, this is like my goodbye to him as well đ„ș enjoy!
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Hey sweetheart :)
You left my room just now, I hope you make it back home safely. Iâm sitting here with these extremely colorful flowers you brought for me and the tasteless hospital jello next to me as I write this letter. This letter⊠itâs something I wanted to hold off for a long time. But I guess itâs already nearing that time isnât it?
Ahh⊠sometimes I wish I could really see you again, even though you left a few minutes ago. Seeing your dumb smile and hearty laughter that I love so much. Feeling your warm hand against mine. Kissing you one more time.
It honestly hurts a lot to think that would be the last time Iâd ever be able to talk to you. Instead of hearing my voice with your ears, youâll be reading it instead. But you never know right? Maybe in the end a miracle will happen, and this letter will never find you! I can only pray that I can at least push through⊠Just a little bit moreâŠ
For you.
If you are reading this letter, Iâm sorry I couldnât tell you for the last time that I love you.
I overheard the nurses talking not too long ago, I already knew that I didnât have that much time left. And itâs difficult you know? Having the knowledge that your life is already making its final countdown.
But the point of this letter isnât to make you sad! Itâs supposed to make you⊠happyâŠ? Iâm not even sure myself to be honest. Iâm already crying hahaâŠ
Thank you for being there with me. Being there for me, even though you knew what was to happen.
Thank you for remaining as someone who didnât dare to pity or look down at me even with my condition.
Thank you for loving me for who I am, who I was, and who I couldâve beenâŠ
Thank you for the fights, arguments, and forgiveness. Though those arguments were usually caused by dumb small things, we learned and progressed our relationship together with them.
Thank you for giving me these precious moments which I cherish with all my heart. Even to the last moment, even stuck in this stuffy room, just being with you made it so much better.
I wish I couldâve seen the sunset one more time with you darling. Laying down outside on the grass sunbathing, or even watching the stars with you right by my side and Tess softly snoring nearby.
I wish I couldâve played more video games with you, even if I do lose all the time. Because while youâre focusing on winning, Iâd be looking at you in awe. Watching you giggle your way to first place on Mario Kart or pout whenever a blue shell would hit you. Or how you would win a game and look at me with the happiest grin on your face expecting me to praise you or give a victory kiss. I donât mind losing nonetheless, as long as Iâm with you.
I wish I couldâve cuddled you one more time. Having those lazy Sundays with your arms around me as we sleep âtil noon, or feeling your fingers gently thread through my hair as we silently enjoy each otherâs presence. Especially since those mornings were rare for the two of us considering your busy schedule. My head on your chest and your soft arms snug around my waist as our legs tangle under the comforter. Your heartbeat would lull me to sleep againâŠ
Iâm sorry that it had to end like this darling. There was still so much that we couldâve done together and so many plans that we had for our future.
Iâm sorry that I wonât be able to see that movie you worked so hard for. You were gone for so long too, I wish I couldâve seen the final project.
Iâm sorry for calling you names when we were children. Even though I kept using it even when we were dating, Princess will always remain as one of my favorite nicknames that Iâve used on you.
Iâm sorry that we couldnât get wed. Itâs my biggest regret of all. I couldâve been apart of the Holland family which Iâve come to love and adore.
And most of all, Iâm sorry that I had to become another person that you had to lose.
Yet I know for a fact that one day youâll be able to stand strong, even without me by your side anymore. You are the strongest person I know. Both physically and mentally. Even if it will take time for you to heal youâll be up and running in no time.
Lastly, Iâm proud of you. Iâm very proud of you. Youâve endured so much darling, with your work, the stress, me, and my condition. You kept a smile throughout this period and I want you to continue smiling forever. Your smile is one of my favorite things about you anyways. Iâm proud of where youâve come and how far youâve gotten. Youâve made it so far baby, and I donât want you to stop pursuing the things you love. I donât want your passion to run out. And of course, I donât want your optimism to ever stop.
This isnât goodbye though, I expect to see you when your time comes as well. But until then,
I love you and Iâll forever love you Tommy.
Always.
-Y/N













