Just Me and My Tortoise

Hi!! I'm Drew Jovel, and this is my pet tortoise, Pedro!! We've got lots of time on our hands, so ask us stuff! Mun @curriedsugar, icon by the talented @oakskull!

[sunshinetortiose]

Yeah, that seems reasonable. Ed, can I stab you with this flamethrower?

“Get the fuck away from me.”

[sunshinetortiose]

damn ed. you’re gonna lose your house.

“DREW, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PLANNING?!”

Arson!

[sunshinetortiose]

Drew, should we burn Ed's house now or later, when he's in it?

Wait until everyone in the house is gone. I don’t want people to get hurt.

[sunshinetortiose]

For Drew (I'd hate to have Edward put his nose where it doesn't belong): How did you find out Rose had powers, if you can, what are they?

Rose told me! I’d tell you what they are, but I promised her that I wouldn’t tell anybody. I’d hate to break my word to her.

[sunshinetortiose]

Got any dark secrets Ed?

“...Why would I tell you that?”

[sunshinetortiose]

For Drew only: does rose know about the supernatural thing?

Yeah. She has powers, too!

[sunshinetortiose]

Drew, Ed’s being unreasonable, still good for that arson?

“Yes.”

[sunshinetortiose]

Hi Error how are you?

“My name is Edward. And I’m fine.”

[sunshinetortiose]

Why wouldn't we?

“MAYBE BECAUSE I LIVE THERE?!”

Ed. Chill.

[sunshinetortiose]

Nevin, do you want to come burn Ed's house down? It'll be fun~

"You’re going to burn down my house?!”

Edward has come.

[sunshinetortiose]

How did you and Rose meet?

Oh, it’s a great story! Let me tell you about it!

So I was walking home late from school one day. I was on my phone scrolling on something, so I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings.

Then, out of nowhere, some guy in a mask jumped out in front of me and demanded that I give him all of my money. He had a gun.

I was really, really scared. I told the guy to leave me alone, but I could just barely keep my voice steady. I was silently praying for Nevin to show up and beat their ass, but it didn’t seem that likely to happen.

Then, a miracle happened.

Rose just snuck up behind the guy and knocked him out cold! I didn’t even see or hear her coming, she was that sneaky. If it weren’t for her, I would be dead as a doornail.

And from that day forward, I knew that she was the one.

art by @oakskull!

[sunshinetortiose]

Angelonia?

Angelonia - You suddenly get to cast one spell that can do anything to anyone! What spell do you cast and on who?

I wanna cast a immortality spell on me and Rose so we can live happily together forever!

[sunshinetortiose]

Why the hell wouldn't you use gasoline?! Uh- *clears throat* So, house or dumpster, take your pick.

House!

“DREW-”

[sunshinetortiose]

I love my girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sunshinetortiose]

Ah, well, your loss. *sips Starbucks* Bleh, bitter. A- anyways, do you want to go burn down Ed's house, or is that too far? I'll settle for a dumpster.

Depends, can I use gasoline?

[sunshinetortiose]

Drew, Nevin, how do you like Barry?

“He’s a basic bitch.”

He also cheats on his girlfriend.

“WAIT, WHAT?!”

[sunshinetortiose]

So Nevin "overprotective" Jovel is excited for you to go on a date?? That's nice :)

“Hey, Rose is a third-degree black belt. I know that she’ll keep my little brother safe.”

I’m three hours older than you.