guys, i have a big secret to tell you. but you gonna need some backstory. You see, i was born on a boat, the ss shitton. a 25 feet beast featuring me and my papa. I was born a couple months early, and thats why we didn’t have time to get to a hospital, as we were sailing the seven seas. So my papa grabbed me out’a there and swam for it. But since dad is a fucking idiot and cant swim, we drowned. But since i was half white i could swim. i swam up to shore and found a peaceful village tribe who mainly lived of off lost children and coconuts. As they approuched me and tried to grab me i had to reach for my pocket knife. i always carry my trusted pocket knife with me, and then i shivved them. then i peed on his bleading corpse to esablish dominance. as i was now new tribe leader, my first reqeast was to remove all the men. dis way i would be surrounded by the women and i would be rolling in the pussy. but since the men were douches, they shipped me off with a rum boat and i told everyone i got away by using my back hair to tie a rope and swam with the sea turtles. Now everything about this was espacially hard cuz i was just a couple months old, how i grew back hair already must be cuz of my brazilian heritage. as i reached main land, i was hit with the task of finding my real mother. now this is a long and boring story, so i will ofc tell it. it started with visiting the local tailor. i asked for his finest suit, and i paid him with coconuts. as i was equipped with the finest armor, I was ready for town. i went to the local watering hole and chatted up the barkeep. “What’s troublin’ you buddy” he asked me. i told him how my dad almost drowned trying to kidnap me and how i became king to tribe of cannibals. he said: “wait, are you the son born on the ss. shitton” i said yes, and he told me where i could find my mother. i drove all the way to washington, only to realized he ment washington state. godamnit. anyways, i reached the front door of the house which the bartender told me my mother lived in. she opened the door, and she was so pretty. with her bootiful long hair and tight and high-laying buttocks. she asked me to come in and offered me tea and dry crackers. i said no, as i could not eat the crackers cuz of my missing teeth and the tea was too hot and would burn my tummy. i told her that i was her missing son and she hugged me. we made love that night. i was happy. i was reunited with my family and i had a big penis. it was great. we lived together for a couple years. one time, when we went out on the town to paint the street, she asked me to go into a clothing establishment with her. as i joined in she pointed to a piece of attire and said: “can i have it??? please??” i said,” ofc darling how much do you need?” she went over and looked at the tag. “I’m a need a bout tree fiddy.”Well it was about this time I noticed that my mother was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era! “godamn loch ness monster, i aint givin you no tree fiddy!” i left with a hurry and never saw her again.
as the years grew on, i made something of myself, i climbed the ranks of the US government and by 1998, I became president of the united states.
titsay
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
gamechangershow
