dismantled almosts

it must be winter in my heart, there's nothing warm in there at all

[superbensthegreat]

the best is yet to come

[superbensthegreat]

hi, it's been months since i last visited your blog. ano na nangyari sayo? oy okay ka lang ba? or may new blog ka na? i hope you're doing well. i just miss you. sana makilala mo ako kahit anon, hehe. i miss you bigtime.

I've been away for like 5 months. I'm doing fine. Well, I don't have a new blog and I rarely use this one. I hope you're doing well too. :)

[superbensthegreat]

It gets heavier. This is a different kind of emotional baggage. A baggage I don't need to bring in the plane. It is full of things I should have forgotten. But how do you take away things that once made you feel complete? I'm still holding on to meaningless words and false hopes. I don't understand what's going inside. Why is it so hard for me to deal with my feelings? Why do things have to be this complicated?

[superbensthegreat]

you'll be okay. you'll find yourself soon.

yea, i hope so. thanks!

[superbensthegreat]

Everything is a blur. I can’t even understand my own feelings. I feel like I’m stuck in a maze. I don’t know how will I ever get out of this. It gets heavier everyday. And I never thought that emptiness can be so heavy. I’m tired of being a lost-and-found boy. I just want to find myself and never lose it again.

[wnq-music]

When you have a broken heart, the first thing a stranger will ask is ‘how long were you two together?’ As if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone. Or if you were with them at all. I don’t think that’s how it works. I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It’s just as crushing and just as thrilling.

Taylor Swift (via buhaybabae)

[tiny-facts]

I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.

(via wellyemonster)

[superbensthegreat]

I want my old self back. I want to be happy again. I’m so tired of drowning myself in sadness. I’ve been making rules and establishing walls to protect myself. But I always end up breaking my rules and destructing my walls for other people. Maybe no one will ever value the trust I gave them. People never failed to make me feel unimportant. And I’m starting to believe that I’m easily replaceable. It hurts how easy for them to turn down the promises they made. It breaks me to see how happy they are without me. Maybe I’m better off alone. I don’t know how to start but I will fix myself. I can’t be like this. I won’t let other people take away the colors in my life. I’ll be gray for a while. But I’ll get back on my track. I’ll be fine.

[superbensthegreat]

I'm a very complicated person. I don't even know how to deal with myself. I'm a map with unnamed streets and a novel without chapters and pages. And I'm sorry for the confusion and complications I've caused. I'm sorry for the people I hurt while I was trying to find myself.

[superbensthegreat]

Dear Leania, Happy 18th Birthday. 🎉🎈🎂🎊 I don't think it is possible to write down all the things you've done for me. You are always there to uplift me when I'm so down. Your words never failed to cheer me up. You've been so good to me. I still remember our first voice call. And I actually thought that you were a guy. Maybe yes bc you are a brother and a sister to me. Your maturity drives me to become a better person. I admire your perspective in life. The way how you see things and how you handle problems. You're so much better than me. Not to mention I'm five months older than you. It's your birthday so I have to tell you these things... I'm so grateful to have you as a friend (you are more than just a friend and you know that) You are the most understanding person I know. And you deserve all the best things and persons in this world. I'm so happy for your achievements in UST. And I'm so proud that you're a different (slightly different?) person now (in a good way). I'm always hoping and praying for your happiness! God bless you always @dikokabisado - Benson

[superbensthegreat]

I have forgotten how to write. I stopped playing words with my thoughts. My journals are like clean sheets waiting for me to spill the ink. My strange mind kept everything inside for a long time. I was wrong. My heart gets icy again. There's nothing to keep it warm. The sound of my heartbeat is no longer a music but just an ordinary sound. I actually thought that I dont know how to write again. But my heart has an indenifable connection with my mind every time it gets broken. Every feeling collides like stars in the sky and the collision creates an unusual drive to hold my pen and start writing again.

[superbensthegreat]

I used to write your name on the thick dust of every car. But everything faded to black and white. Your name and our beautiful memories are still haunting me. That’s why I finally decided to wash out the dust so I can never write your name again.

[superbensthegreat]

Attachment in any form is a waste of time. People will always turn down the promises they made. Even when you gave them your full trust, they will never stay. And the most important thing I have learned is to trust no one.

[superbensthegreat]

I broke my own rules for you. I started making plans. I almost changed myself. But I was wrong. I was wrong for thinking that we could be something for real. I was wrong for hoping and waiting. I believed in pinky promises and sugarcoated words. I made plans for us. But us is just a product of a wild imagination. Almost. I almost lost myself again. And now I'm trying to collect the pieces you broke.

[girl-with-a-radio-heart]

I hide because there’s more to me than what you see and I’m not sure you’d like the rest. I know that sometimes, I don’t like the rest.

Iain S. Thomas, I Wrote This For You  (via ding-ang-bato)

[superbensthegreat]

I'm starting to destruct the walls I built to save myself. I made barriers so no one would be able to get in again. But why did I let this happen? I'm craving for something that will destroy me in the end. I'm hoping for something that isn't real. I'm doing things I know I shouldn't do. I'm taking myself to that phase when I don't know how to say that I'm completely fine. I'm starting to break my own rules.

[superbensthegreat]

Kapag biglaan madalas natutuloy. Last night tinext ako ng tita ko na punta daw kami Puerto Galera eh ako naman g na g agad akala mo papayagan. Pero pinayagan naman ako kasi tita ko naman kasama at boyfriend niya. Third wheel gaming. 2 hrs ako naghintay bago umalis yung barko (sanay na ko maghintay). Mag-isa din ako bumyahe pero officer naman ng barko boyfriend nya pero parang mag-isa pa din (okay lang naman na mag-isa ako mannn i'm so used to it). Tapos pagdating namin sa white beach kumain lang kami tapos iniwan nila ko sa beach at naligo mag-isa (yes mag-isa na naman ako at sanay na sanay na ko). Pero seryoso ang cool pala nakakarefresh mag-chill sa beach. Bale 3 hours lang kami sa Puerto tapos uwi na din Batangas kasi nga on duty pa tito ko. Ang saya parang napadaan lang kami. Nevertheless, it was a great experience. Thank You, Lord!