@ofcsammy: to all my loves: I apologize for my selfish actions and my disregarding of your feelings. I am alive, I am well, and I am definitely better. I will see you all soon! 💜💜
Sammy chuckles and moves to hands and her feet. “Yeah, right. You couldn’t if you tried!”
Darius looks at her and keeps quiet, seriousness on his face. Sam leans in and keeps her eyes on him, she continues to lean in until their noses touch and their foreheads are pressed against one another. He wasn’t going to ignore her, after all he’d done to sneak her out of rehab for the night.
Sam grins, looking at him. “The effect doesn’t work on me, and neither do those eyes.”
Sam sits back on her knees and places her hands in her lap for a few moments before she gets up. Sam holds out her hand for Darius to grab.
“Let’s sit outside for a minute.”
“How much longer do I have to stay here for? It’s almost my birthday, you guys know that right?” Sam frowns slightly as she holds Darius’ hand standing in front of the man in charge.
“I’m sorry, you can’t leave just yet.”
“Why not?”
“Well, it hasn’t been that long since you’ve tried to kill yourself Sammy.”
Darius squeezes her hand slightly and Sam looks down, she looks towards him for a moment to see that his eyes were already peering down at her. June 17th would mark four months. He stood silent as the conversation between herself and the supervisor took place.
“…But I’m better now, and Darius will be with me.” She spoke quietly as she looked back at Sajan.
He was a lengthy brown man, with a slight accent and wavy short black hair. He had grown fond of Sam over the past three months and was glad that a friend could help her get back to a happier state so quickly. Regardless of whether he liked their patients or not, he was to follow the rules. “I’m sorry, you cannot leave; even if it is only for a day.” Sajan looked towards Darius this time. “I’m sorry.” Sajan leaves the two to head to his office in the right wing of the building.
“Come on, Sam. I’m hungry.” Darius tugs at her arm, pulling her away to the front doors of the building.
“Wait, I have to sign out…” Sam reminds him.
“It’ll only be a few minutes, you’re gonna waste your free hour. Save your Sign out for when I take you out later.”
Sammy stares at him as he speaks, her mood now glum. Darius can tell, after the incident, Sam didn’t do too well at hiding her emotions. They were in her eyes, clear, if it didn’t show in her voice. He pulls her towards the door again, and now, she’s following deciding that he was right.
“Do you think they’re looking for me?” Sam asks, playing with Darius’ hands in her own. She looks at him.
“Maybe. But you ain’t sign out, so I don’t think they’ll be looking until morning. ”
“You really got me out for more than an hour. And where are we? Some… rusty motel.” Sam laughs quietly.
“Better than back there, though. I think you should be grateful. They find out I kidnapped you from the Rehab Centre, I’m getting arrested.” He smiles softly, looking back at Sam. His eyes warm.
Sammy shifts slightly on his lap, looking up at the nights sky. She thinks about the day she woke up, barely even able to move. The first motion of the head she made, her eyes landed on a familiar face. One which she hadn’t seen in… forever, felt like.
“Here you go, saving me again.” she whispers.
He told her how much blood was on the floor once he walked into the house. The doors were unlocked, which had gave him an uneasy feeling in the first place. Darius described how she looked laying on the floor: almost drained of life.
“I thought you were gone, Samantha…” he says, speaking in a lower less playful tone.
“You saved me. I’m here. I’m not gone.” Sam smiles slightly, looking at Darius now. She leans back laying the rest of her body on his, keeping her eyes on his as he does her…
Sammy’s thoughts of leaving have been crowding her mind for too long. Her thoughts of other things always ran short because the heavy thoughts of being done took up so much space in her mind. She was indefinitely drained. So tired, the young girl was. The past year had been so tough for her that she’d been starting to feel constantly.. “upset”. She had fell back into the gory dark state of mind.
Our dear Samantha, it was so easy for her to mask. Months on end: smile, laugh, uplift, encourage, smile, write, attend wedding, smile, baby shower, happy, smile, argument, smile, death, smile, heartbreak, smile, smile.
She stared out over the balcony. Her hands gripped the rail, harshly, her teeth roughly marking her lower lip in deep red. She let go and walked herself inside her home again, she didn’t want to make a scene. A mess. And so she brought herself to her bed, sat on the edge of it and held her hands in her lap.
Of course little Sammy had already thought about making it easy, she could let somebody else do it. Run into traffic— or something. How selfish of her she then countered herself. Making it somebody else’s fault… Tsk.
Samantha walked down the stairs after closing her room door behind her. She’d tidied the whole house for the people who would later find her…
She stepped into the kitchen where she found her phone on the counter. Should she make one or two calls? The girl inhaled deeply. She didn’t want to, but she always considered the feelings of others… maybe she should say goodbye.
She had reached her best friend’s voicemail. Nonnie was probably extremely busy…Sam wasn’t surprised. She was always working.
Call 1 // Nonnie Vanderbilt
“Hey Nonnie.” she started. “I… hm. I was just calling to check up on ya’. Say hi. I’m home, I’m safe.” Sam paused for a moment. Nonnie wasn’t getting this message until later, and by that time…“Don’t be angry with me, okay? This was fully my decision. I’m ready. I love you so much! You’re gonna keep going up, if you’re not at the top already.” She chuckled softly. “ I’m so proud of you, Non.”
Click!
Call 2 // Karlie Sorella-Brien
“Hello?” Sammy spoke brightly into the phone. “Hi Karlie Karl! Guess what?… I’m moving to somewhere better, finally.” Sammy chuckled softly, looking to the side before she responded. “You’ll seeee. But are you okay? You seem unsteady…” she asked her. Karlie’s tone wasn’t as vibrant as usual, until a moment later when she reassured Sam that everything was fine. “Oh, okay! Well, I’m glad you’re better, lovey. I love you!.. Bye!”
Click!
Call 3 // unsaved number
“Hello?” Her lips twisted slightly.“Darrien?….I forgive you. We can be okay, now.” She waited for a response. “I just… I don’t want to hold any grudges against you, or anybody…and I did love you once upon a time so… Plus, what if I died tomorrow or something? I wouldn’t want to take that to the grave…” Sammy shook her head as she spoke. “That’s all I really called to say… Yeah… Bye.”
Click!
Samantha placed her phone back onto the counter. She stared at the device, in deep thought for a minute. There was one more call she should’ve made but… she decided against it. There on the end of the counter, sat a 6 set knife holder. She pulled out the medium sized tool from the second row, and admired it. A clean sharp silver that would be coated in dark crimson in only a few moments… if only Sammy could decide how she’d have it done. A deep slit on her wrist? Or should she have the knife plunged deeply into her stomach.
She pressed her lips together, and inhaled deeply.
“My God, forgive me.”
She didn’t feel a thing… but Sam’s eyes watered quickly. A sudden stream of tears down her cheeks, and a quivering lower lip, Sammy looked down at the black handle,—the only part she could see—for the silver end was hidden inside of her.
She staggered slightly before her hand caught the edge of the counter in front of her. Her lips stayed parted, her breaths were small and quick; painful to breathe with the knife jabbed inside of her.
Sammy whimpered at her first attempt to pull it out – her nerves sending another stream down her already wet, rosy, cheeks. Her breaths became hitched. She forced herself to continue pulling, with what strength she could muster with her arm gone weak.
“Pull it Sammy, pull it!” Her voice turning into a squeal. She continued to repeat herself… she couldn’t help but start to cry. Her voice was so shaky, that she almost couldn’t understand herself as she spoke; finally, Samantha let out a scream … and the knife fell to the floor. It was out.
Sam reached for her phone and after dialling she spoke into it. “You should—… you should send someone to get me. There’s been a.. a suicide.” She hung up the phone. Sammy bent down as slowly as she could. She felt tired, and the pain in her stomach had become worse. She thought it best if she lay herself down. By the time they traced her phone to pin her address, and sent a couple of cars, she’d be gone already. Her eyes fluttered shut. Besides the pain from the wound, it felt like she was slowly falling asleep. She turned and lay curled up on her side.
Somewhat like a peaceful death, she thought.
After some time, everything went black. Dark and soundless.
Noooo. [I whine, closing my eyes] Nonnie’s arranging my funeral already, Tell my family I love ‘em. [Uses my arm to cover my eyes] Leave me here to die.
we’ll be in Japan in like…four days so I’ll make sure to be in charge of your funeral arrangements. [crosses one leg over the other, shaking my head as I look down at you] your little ass is going to go flying out. we’re about to land.
[looks down at you, removing my headphones away from my ear] sam…why are you on the floor? we’re headed to london, moron. [scrunches my face up at you]
[I close my eyes and stretch out as I roll onto my stomach] if we're not in Japan by sunrise, I think I'll die. [heaves dramatically rolling onto my back once again] Non...
I’m glad I did too. So apparently there’s a crazy person on the loose. I guess no outside festivities then. [glances over at the window then back to you]
yeah, it’s better that we’re inside safe. I really wouldn’t want to lose anybody. there’s a couple of stuff we could do inside, though. are you up for anything? or did you just want to talk?
I’m glad I did too. So apparently there’s a crazy person on the loose. I guess no outside festivities then. [glances over at the window then back to you]
yeah, it’s better that we’re inside safe. I really wouldn’t want to lose anybody. there’s a couple of stuff we could do inside, though. are you up for anything? or did you just want to talk?
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