one of the hardest parts is that you cannot engage in arguments without an honest partner. a person has to be genuinely willing to consider your point of view. when elon saluted, you have eyes and you saw it too. when they're saying "nooo it wasn't that," it's not honest. they also know it's the nazi salute, they're just seeing how long and how far they can push you.
i cannot stress this enough: know when to step away. know when it's just a troll. know when you're putting energy into the wrong areas. it is so fucking tempting to get into hour-long debates. i got caught in one literally hours after it happened. i am not coming to you from a place of calm suggestion: i'm mostly reminding myself, partly out of desperation.
like you, i feel incredibly, unspeakably upset. if nothing else, i feel fucking gaslit. i keep returning to how cliche passages from 1984 have become. i keep thinking - how fucking stupid do you think we are? i keep thinking - holy shit. he's going to get away with it.
lately when i get really upset about something like this, i instead look for volunteering opportunities in my community. this has been genuinely amazing and has helped me feel like i'm actually fucking doing something. yes i still make the posts and i still doomscroll. these days, though, i take "invest in your community" as a demand, not a suggestion. going to library events. checking in with friends. helping others.
it does actually help; turning nebulous anger into something real and useable. i am still learning this, by the way. but i have noticed that when i am pulled down to their level, i walk away feeling incapacitated, red-black with rage, blurry with stress and the horrible sense of an inescapable destiny.
and meanwhile, every time i instead try to move forward positively, with the real intention just being i'm going to help someone today if it fucking kills me - change happens like, immediately. the hour of effort i spend helping out people in my community has massively improved my burnout and anxiety.
to be honest it is all still burning a hole in me. the casual acceptance of white nationalism under barely-coherent threadbare excuses. the ceaseless unbearable rage and unfocused helplessness are still present but, like. these days i get up, i make coffee, i go help somebody. i fucking put my back into it. rather than saying to myself when is someone gonna do something - i am someone. and i am going to fucking do something. perfect is the enemy of good. i am not trying to be perfect, i'm trying to do good.
i don't know if i'm ever gonna, like. change anything on a real level. but i do know i fucking tried. and it is slowly, kinda - helping me feel better.
blakekathryn
izzy806
gamechangershow
areudirty
kianamaiart
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
