In case anyone needs this as much as I do today. "This is nothing worth dying for."

@theartofmadeline
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Today's Document
Sweet Seals For You, Always

Andulka

Origami Around
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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Claire Keane
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@svuniversefan
In case anyone needs this as much as I do today. "This is nothing worth dying for."
Imagine Barba Comforting You during a Depressive Episode
You could feel your breaking point coming. The thought of it terrified you. You had been married to Rafael Barba for about six months now, and he had never seen the fully depressed side of you, and you were scared of how he’d react. You had tried to warn him about your depression, but you hadn’t experienced an episode since before the two of you had started dating two years ago.
You tried to push away your feelings by cleaning the apartment and cooking Rafael his favorite food for dinner. You hoped that keeping busy would keep the darkness at bay. You and Rafael both tended to be a bit messy, so it gave you plenty to do.
As though he were psychic, Rafael walked through the door right as you were putting the finishing touches on dinner. Just watching him as he walked in loosened the vise that seemed to be tightened around your heart. He greeted you with a kiss and a smile. You told him dinner was ready. He changed out of his suit and the two of you sat down to dinner at the table.
Listening to him talk about his day set your mind at ease. Simply being around him made you feel whole. You knew the darkness was still coming, but you’d take any delay you could get. After you finished dinner, you snuggled on the couch and watched a movie. The two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms, waking up as the final credits began to roll.
It was only 9 pm, but the two of you headed to bed, exhausted. As the two of you settled into bed, he snuggled close to you, as though he knew you needed a little extra comfort. You kissed him gently and snuggled close to his chest as the two of you drifted off to sleep.
The next day, you were so exhausted that it took all you had just to get out of bed. The darkness had finally gotten its sharp claws into you. You were fighting against it as hard as you could, now that you had something worth fighting for, but you were losing the battle. You showered, dressed, and did your hair, and it was all the energy that you had.
You texted Rafael to pick something up for dinner, grateful that your boss was out of the country for a few months, allowing you some time off work to recover. You sat down on the couch to read, and fell asleep. You slowly woke to the smell of pizza and the gentle sound of Rafael’s voice. You sat up and greeted him with a kiss. The two of you sat on the couch and devoured the pizza hungrily.
You settled back against the couch, just staring at Rafael. You reminded yourself that he was your why. The reason you got out of bed. The reason you were going to fight. You couldn’t give up this time. You blinked away the tears that had begun to gather in your eyes. No sooner had you done so, than Rafael scooted back to snuggle with you. You blinked furiously, fighting the tears. With a couple deep breaths, laying your head on his shoulder and lacing your fingers between his, you were able to keep them at bay.
Instead of falling asleep in front of a movie, the two of you opted for a makeout session. Afterwards, the two of you headed to bed. You changed into your pajamas and settled under the blankets with a sigh. Rafael changed and snuggled next to you. You drifted into an uneasy sleep in his arms. The next thing you knew, Rafael was gently waking you, concern straining his voice. “Y/N?? Hey!! Y/N! Are you okay? Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s just a dream. Just a dream.” He pulled you into his chest, and you realized your face was wet with tears. Then, with full force, the dream came back to you. The dream itself wasn’t out of the ordinary, but the emotions that you experienced in the dream were overwhelming. The tears continued to flow, and you took a deep breath, trying to stop them. You ran your fingers through the hair on his chest, breathing in the smell of his cologne that mixed with the sweat from sleep.
Your tears stopped, and you felt yourself relax against him. He pulled back to look at you, and you met his gaze. You couldn’t deny it anymore you had to tell him what was going on. You took a deep breath to steady yourself a bit, and he quietly asked “Y/N, what’s going on?
“Rafael, do you remember when things started getting serious between us and I told you that I have depression?” he nodded silently. “Well, it’s been getting bad again.” Your voice broke on the last word, and you broke eye contact. You hated him seeing you like this. You hated being vulnerable. You were usually the one that people confided in, you weren’t used to confiding in others, even Rafael. You trusted him with everything, but you still weren’t used to feeling so exposed. You took a deep breath, fighting a fresh wave of tears. He gently put his hand under your chin and tilted it up so he could look into your eyes. “Y/N, I’m here for you. You don’t always have to be strong. I’m not going anywhere. This will not change how I feel about you. Y/N, I love you. I always have, and I always will. Take care of you, and let me help take care of you, too.”
You couldn’t stop the sobs that rose in your throat. You buried your face in his chest and he kissed the top of your head and stroked your hair while you sobbed, gently murmuring words of comfort. You felt so unworthy of him. When you stopped sobbing, and your breathing returned to normal, Rafael pulled back and kissed you deeply. The saltiness of your tears danced on your tongues. When you pulled apart, you snuggled into his chest again. Just before you drifted off to sleep in his arms, you heard him whisper “I love you, and I’m here for you. Forever.”
Hi! I really like your writing! It's meaningful and so sweet! Could you do a piece with Rafael and his SO talking about the future after he leaves SVU? Where Barba is too scared to admit he doesn't really know what to do now, but his SO stays positive and promises they'll be okay??
Thank you!! You’re sweet! I’ve had this ready for a while, but I was trying to finish the other request that came in first, but I can’t focus on that one, when I already knew exactly how I wanted this one to go! So here it is!
You had been married to Rafael Barba for about two years now, and you considered the hectic work schedule and constant interruptions of personal time as part of the deal. It didn’t bother you too much, even if you did wish you would get to spend more time with him, sometimes. The night that he came home from the call, you knew something was wrong. He obviously couldn’t talk about it, he wasn’t allowed to talk about work. You cooked him his favorite meal, and snuggled with him and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. (He was a total belly sleeper.)
Then a couple days later, he came home and told you everything. He was so upset that even though you were terrified, and he had possibly ruined both of your lives, you couldn’t be mad at him. So you hugged him, both of you crying, and told him you were right there, that you weren’t going anywhere, and you’d support him no matter what.
The two of you cried and hugged each other so long, you lost all track of time. The two of you tearfully made love, unsure of your next opportunity to do so, and fell asleep in one another’s arms. You woke the next morning to him getting out of bed. You quietly watched him getting dressed, unable to believe how much you still loved him after all this time, and after all you’ve been through.
You tried to memorize everything about him. Every wrinkle, every curve, every grey hair. Worry was etched into his features, and your worry began to rise, and you worked to keep it under control. He needed you to be strong, and you were determined to not become another thing for him to worry about. Try as you might, you couldn’t stop the tears that were quietly flowing.
He turned and look at you when you were in the middle of wiping the tears from your face. “Oh, Y/N,” he said, rushing to your side. “I’m so sorry,” he sighed, as he pulled you into his arms. “I’m so so sorry. I promise I’ll make this up to you. I promise, okay?” You nodded into his chest, unable to speak through the uncontrollable sobs that bubbled up and almost choked you.
When your sobs eventually stopped, you pulled away and wiped your tears, apologizing. You looked into his eyes, which were also full of tears. You reached up and gently wiped the tear that was sliding down his cheek. You put your hands on either side of his face, and gently pressed your lips against his, your tears and his mixing together, leaving a salty taste on your tongue. You pulled away and looked into his eyes. “We’re going to make it through this, Rafael. We’ll get through this together.”
A fresh wave of tears flowed down your faces as he silently nodded. You kissed him deeply again, your fresh tears mixing with his, and rand your fingers through his hair. You made love to him again, with a sense of urgency and desperation. You never wanted it to end, but you knew he had to go. You sat up and watched him get ready again, naked both physically and emotionally. You were feeling so emotionally naked that you reached down and pulled your nightgown off the floor to try to alleviate that feeling, if only somewhat.
He kissed you deeply before he left, and as he pulled away, you could see the pain you were feeling reflected back to you in his eyes. You watched him walk out the door, and when it clicked shut behind him, you collapsed on the couch and began to sob again. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sobbing when there was a knock at the door. You didn’t make any effort to answer the door, because the only person that you wanted to see had his own key.
The knock came again. “Y/N? It’s Olivia! Please, let me in.” You had grown quite close with Olivia over the last several years that you’d been with Rafael. You got up and looked through the peep hole to make sure she was alone, and opened the door to let her in. She took one look at your nightgown, messy hair, and tear-stained face, and she closed the door behind her and pulled you into a tight hug while you sobbed yet again. You took a deep breath, and let go of Olivia. You invited her to sit down, which she did, and offered her something to drink, which she declined.
The two of you sat on the couch and she explained what was coming next. She answered all the questions you threw at her, and then she left you to be alone. Once you were alone, you began to clean your apartment. You cleaned at a feverish pace, with music playing in the background. It didn’t take long to have your apartment spotless.
You showered and changed into sweats, then sat on the couch, turning the t.v. for some background noise. When the news started, you changed your mind, and turned on some music. You were sitting on the couch, lost in your thoughts, when you heard Rafael’s key turn in the lock. In that moment, you determined that you would be strong for him. He needed it, and he deserved it. He had always been your rock, so now it was your turn to be his.
You met him at the entryway with a hug and a kiss. “Have you eaten today? What do you watn for dinner?” “Let’s just order some pizza,” he said with a sigh.
You got dressed up, and Olivia took you to every court date that Rafael had. She and the rest of the squad were so good to you and Rafael. They were the family you never had. They made sure the two of you ate, especially Sonny.
Finally the trial ended, and you cried tears of relief when the “not guilty” verdict was read. It was over. It was finally over, and things could go back to normal. Or, at least, as close to normal as possible. You and Rafael went to dinner with the squad to celebrate.
When you got home, the two of you sat down and had a long talk about what had happened and what would happen next. He told you he was going to leave the DA’s office, and that he was going to clean out his office the next day. You asked if he wanted your help, but he didn’t.
You had one of his favorite Cuban dishes from his childhood ready when he got home with his things from the office. He sat down and poked unenthusiastically at his plate. As you watched him, your heart broke for him. You wished you could help him. You knew that everything would somehow work out, and you tried to figure out how to convince him of that.
That night, neither of you slept well. You couldn’t sleep for his tossing and turning, and moaning in his sleep. At one point, he began crying out, and you couldn’t bear to listen to his pain. You gently shook him, and he awoke with a jolt. You ran your fingers through his sweat-drenched hair. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream. I’m here, Rafi.”
You pulled him gently into your arms, and he buried his face into your nightgown, trying to hold back the sobs while you ran your fingers gently through his messy hair, murmuring assurances that everything was going to be alright. He inhaled deeply, and turned onto his back, still snuggled close to you. You moved your hands to his chest, and began running your fingers through the hair that grew there. “We’re going to be okay, you know.” He startled slightly at your words, being pulled from his thoughts. He looked at you somewhat skeptically, his fear poorly masked.
For a moment, he silently looked into your eyes, looking for a fear he was certain would be there, but found none, and a brief moment of surprise flashed across his face. “You’re talented, smart, determined, and absolutely incredible in every way, Rafael Barba.” “Y/N...” “No, sir. This is not something you can argue your way out of. I’m right on this one, and none of your sass is going to change my mind, mister. You might as well just agree with me.” He laughed for the first time in weeks, and you felt a surge of love and happiness towards him. He sighed, and you looked at him gently. “Rafi, we’re okay. We don’t have to have everything figured out all the time. Everything is going to work out just fine. I’m right here beside you, no matter what happens. I love you, Rafael Barba.” “I love you too, Y/F/N Barba.” The two of you snuggled close together, tucking yourselves under the covers with a sigh of relief. Everything was going to be just fine.
The best Valentine's gift I could ever receive would be for Raul Esparza and the writers of SVU to say "just kidding!" And then everything go back to how it was before my heart got broken.
My heart is literally crushed right now. I'm definitely not gonna watch anymore for a while... my roommate looked at me after the episode and said "I feel like you just broke up with this show." Yep, I do too. I literally feel like I just went through a breakup...
So I'm watching the episode now. I don't like how they characterized Amanda, but I think that they just needed someone to agree with Martha and play devil's advocate. (They could have had her straight up do that but anyway...) I swear I remember Carisi getting those devil advocate/person who needs something explained to them dialogues back a few years ago. Amanda drew the short straw lately. Although thinking about it, her character hasn't been consistent.
THIS…i mostly agree w
But she is from Georgia, which if I'm not mistaken, is a conservative state. It makes sense to me.
Sam Waterston returns to Law and Order to prosecute one of their own.
Pardon me while I go freak out for a while. I'm not crying, you are.
"I don't advocate for violence against those who disagree with me."
Barba ❤❤
Barba might be the most awkward person ever when dealing with emotional situations but he gets an ‘A’ for effort and cuteness 😄 😄 😄
Rafael Barba and Olivia Benson in ‘Gone Baby Gone’ (S19E09)
Christmas Prompts!
It’s Christmas time, and I’m feeling awfully festive (now that finals are FINALLY over—no pun intended)! So here’s a prompt list. Pick your favorite character and let me know what story you would like to see about them! Merry Christmas, my lovelies!
1. Caught under the mistletoe
2. Baking Christmas cookies
3. Christmas engagement
4. Decorating the tree together
5. Making a snowman
6. Christmas shopping
Basically.
****Spoiler*** If you haven’t watched the latest episode, don’t read this!!! If you have, talk to me about it!!
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I really quite enjoyed last week’s episode. (Except for the fact that I’m getting super annoyed with having Noah drama in every. Single. Episode.) Also, I’m not a huge fan of Carisi and Rollins hooking up, but I also wanted to bitch slap her for breaking his poor beautiful heart... Thoughts, anyone??
Libraries during finals are like gyms after new years
Imagine Barba Singing you to Sleep
It had been a long and terrible day. Rafael was already home and in bed, so he knew without you saying a word that you were having a bad day. you changed into your pajamas, and crawled under the covers with an exhausted sigh. Rafael scooted closer to you, and gently brushed your hair out of your face.
you snuggled into his bare chest, running your fingers through the hair covering it. The smell of his cologne mixed with sweat filled your nostrils and calmed you. He kissed the top of your head, and you sighed again, this time contentedly. You breathed in his scent, your bad day getting a little better.
As you felt yourself begin to relax, he began to softly sing your favorite Christmas carol. He knew that music, especially his singing, relaxed you and helped you sleep. You were filled with love toward him, and you pressed your lips against the base of his throat. He responded by squeezing you tighter. You drifted off to sleep with his voice in your ears and his scent in your nostrils, snuggled in his warmth.
Mike Dodds Deserved Better
Andy Karl deserved better
Does anyone know what's up with season 18? I can't find it anywhere!
No one has any requests? None?