what caused your eating disorder?
i had just moved schools because we moved houses. i had just gone through a breakup with the guy i had liked for 2 years. my best friend told me she didn’t want to be friends with a faggot.
i sat at alone, i was taken in my the emo kids.
me, trinity, oliver, and kat.
kat was super popular. she was everything i wanted to have. she was emo and boys loved her. she was so pretty. she was cool and chill and just everything i ever wished.
she always bragged about how she had an eating disorder and that she cut herself. she got lots of attention from it
i always brought my food in my pink donut lunchbox. donuts were my current hyperfixation.
she told me, “i can’t believe you’re the only one of us who actually eats lunch lol. i stopped doing that a long time ago”
later it turned to, “you really eat all that”
then, “i can’t imagine eating like that and looking like you”
i stopped eating lunch after that. i felt so stupid for ever actually letting myself do that.
“that’s obviously why i don’t have friends” i said to myself
i slowly stopped eating. less and less.
“you should work out and loose some weight” my mom said.
i wasn’t eating. i was fainting. i was still too fat.
got abused by my ex boyfriend.
“if you don’t eat normally i’ll leave you. break up with you.” he said
it just made me hurt and eat to impress him.
my ex girlfriend had ana. she was underweight and beautiful.
“i’m so fat” she said about herself.
she was not even half my size.
i was then hospitalized bc i was going to kill myself. i was so done being alive.
i got diagnosed with anorexia and they wanted me to go to treatment.
“she doesn’t have an eating disorder. have you seen how big she is?” my mom said
“there’s no way i’m sending her there when she’s not even underweight”
“she’s just faking it, she clearly doesn’t need to be relocated”
it’s been six years of this disorder. i’ve had a bmi from 20-27 over the years. nothing has been enough.
i’m too fat for my own eating disorder.
i will starve myself to finally be what i always wanted,
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