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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@switch69000
Guys, if she asks you to try it, just go for it and enjoy the increased intimacy in the relationship.
Just do it!!
Locked Perspective
Many of the questions I get from females (or at least, followers saying they are female) relate to the strangely obvious question of 'why'? Interestingly, the 'why' for the keyholder seems to be quite well understood - there are many well-documented benefits. The lesser obvious question is 'why would my husband / boyfriend' want to do this?'.
Locktober seems to be a time where my inbox is busier than ever - many with this burning question.
So, for the first time in this little blog / braindump's history, I have asked my partner to write the article. Over to him:
Why
Hello.
I have been asked to answer the question: "Why does a male want to be locked in a chastity cage?". It's a very good question, and the reasons are complex. My answers are only my own, so individual results may vary. I'll give you my main reasons, and then end with a little FAQ section that female readers have asked my wife through the course of this blog.
1. Energy
It must be very hard (impossible) for females to understand the workings of the male libido. Generally speaking, we are more sexually charged, more frequently. Typically, there is an immediate outlet for being 'horny' / turned on - masturbation. We have been used to using this outlet on demand our entire adult lives. The cage removes this, and the result is a dramatic escalation in the sexual energy which drives our libido. This energy is intense, and in the absence of an orgasm, it needs to find another outlet. This can be physical exertion, productivity focus and/or courtship.
2. Courtship
This one is a big one. Many blogs / forums speak about how chastity makes them a better partner because they do more chores, are nicer to their wives etc. I think this is trash - we should not need a chastity cage in order to do these things. However, one of the 'focus' benefits of chastity for me is definitely focus on my wife. The sexual energy is directed towards her, fundamentally understanding that what I am doing is not for the reason that I may be unlocked for orgasm. I am not going to orgasm. I am just very turned on by her constantly and want to show her with my actions, physical touch and devotion. This is what they mean, I think, when men say that chastity makes them better husbands / boyfriends - it reignites the courtship that was so electric at the start of the relationship.
3. It's Hard
It's a strange contradiction, but chastity is awesome because it's hard. It's really difficult for a man to be locked in a chastity cage. There are countless times during a lockup period where he is dying to unlock and knock one out. Even the most comfortable cages will irritate a little every now and then. This is why chastity should be seen as an act of devotion towards the female. She may not see it that way, but this is what it is, for me at least.
4. A Little Goes a Long Way
Back to point 1, females are not always as horny / sex-oriented as men, which is why there's often an imbalance in long-term relationships between how frequently the man and woman want to have sex, for example. When I am locked, however, the smallest of actions from my wife will drive me crazy (in a good way). Stroke my stomach? Run your finger down my cage? Touch my balls? Slap them? Mention my cage at all? Ask me to go down on you? Pinch my nipples? YES. YES YES. I am a putty in your hands.
5. Focus
Some locked guys will disagree with this, as the horniness makes them go crazy and they can't focus on anything. However, lockup periods in our relationship come with a clear rule - no porn during lockups. She calls porn 'mental edging'. Not allowed. Why is this a big deal? Because masturbation is off the table, and porn (and all the time wasting that brings), I am encouraged to find other outlets. I spoke about physical activity (gym, endurance etc), but also a huge benefit is work focus, productivity. Chastity with no allowance for porn will free up a LOT of time for most highly energised locked guys.
6. Fun
It's fun. I really like it. It's new, it puts a spin on things and has forced us to talk more, think outside the box, experiment, laugh. It's not the only catalyst for the growth in our relationship in the last few years, but it was certainly the biggest and most profound one.
Now, for some FAQs:
a. Doesn't it hurt?
No. If it hurts, the cage is wrong / wrongly sized. The correct cage is comfortable, and most of the time the guy will not even think about it. When he gets aroused, there is a feeling of pressure - almost as if someone is holding his penis tightly. In many cases, it feels like a full erection, and then when you reach for it, it's neatly contained and pointing down, as if nothing is happening. Real mind-melt.
b. What happens during an erection?
Well, with the right cage, there is no erection. A correctly-sized cage should the about half an inch smaller than your usual non-erect size. This means that there is no room to grow. The penis will feel like it's 'swelling' in its cage and pushing against the front. Because it can't get fully hard, it shouldn't push the base ring too far way from the body either. As above, the feeling is like a firm hand is gripping it tightly. Not painful, quite pleasant and deliciously frustrating.
c. Isn't frustration the worst?
Common misconception. This is not cruel / selfish etc on the part of the woman. This is what we want. The 'frustration' from denial and from the cage is more like a desire, rather than something negative. It flood us with energy, often at 'goosebumps' level, and I immediately think of the source of this desire - my wife.
d. I feel bad for denying my partner. Isn't it cruel?
There is a saying that chastity is only real once you want 'out'. This is true to some extent. It's more, for me, that it is real when my partner has full control. If I authentically need to get out, my wife will let me. However, in most cases, I am just horny or have a moment of weakness, in which case I really need her to say 'no'. This makes it real. We want you to say 'no', to show us that you are supporting us in this act of devotion. If you give in any time we beg, it wasn't really a thing in the first place.
That's it! Longwinded, but those are my thoughts!
She does😈😈😈
Tears of Happiness leaking out
I edge my husband because...
(A great list, even though not written by me) I edge my husband because:
It’s what his body wants, whether his mind knows it or not
It’s more pleasurable for him to be edged and denied than for him to cum – simple biology
I can do this every day, and he’ll stay aroused and excited every time
He makes the sexiest noises when I edge him
I love watching his mind go numb with pleasure
He gets so stiff and hard for me, I can’t resist touching it, and I want him to stay that way as long as possible
He stays in a hypersexual state, always eager to pleasure me any way I want
It arouses me to see him lost in bliss
Edging him is so easy, and it gets easier every day I do it
I want him to be happy, and he’s obviously happy when he’s on the edge
I love that he trusts me with his most intimate, natural reflex, so I trigger it as often as possible (or almost-trigger it!)
He fucks me so hard after I edge him for a few days – he’s like an animal, I fucking love it!
He thinks of me all day and texts me the sweetest things
He works hard, doesn’t get enough respect, and deserves to “zone out” for a while in my hands or mouth
It makes him dream about me, so I’m part of literally every moment of his life
And more, and more… Source: http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.com
Low Key(holding)
Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders
There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.
Starting Out
In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.
Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.
Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."
Again, Why Does He Want This?
I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:
"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.
Giving you control may be a turn on for him.
It spices things up in long term relationships.
Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.
It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.
It's sexy and fun to have you in control.
etc.
There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:
No pressure on you for sex
However, you get sex when and how you want it.
Cages look sexy
You set the rules
You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.
etc
The Spectrum of Orgasm Control
Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.
All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.
Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.
1. Not Locked
Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.
This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.
In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.
2. Self-locked
Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.
This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.
3. Sometimes Locked
Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.
This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.
This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.
4. Default Locked
In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.
This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.
When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.
Locking Pragmatics
Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.
Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.
Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.
Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.
I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?
Short answer - wherever you like.
But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.
If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.
Expand your Knowledge
Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.
Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!
Well said
Sometimes, you don’t need a scantily dressed woman to convey a message
"Perhaps" is going a great deal of work in there...
Not quite as much work as my cock will be doing in its cage on Monday night when she decides... perhaps...
Every Chastity Caging Session is a Journey. A Travel Guide to Keyholders
What makes Caging your man so special is the resulting energy dynamic between you. The interaction is key for both partners, it is what enriches the experience and the relationship. For the Keyholder to maximize the pleasure (both ways) and control (one way), it is important for her/him to understand what her sub is experiencing.
I think many assume that Day 1 is like Day 3 is like Day 7 is like….except more horny. My experience has been much richer than that. Like anything in life that takes days or weeks, a Caging session is a journey. Day 1 is different from Day 3 is different from Day 7 is different from Day 21….
My perspective includes a decade of Caging and Denial sessions of three weeks or more. Throughout these sessions I have noticed a recurring cycle of emotions and physical challenges that each one brought to me. I assume each caged sub experiences something similar and, as his Keyholder, your working to understand his unique cycle will significantly amplify the experience. And every Keyholder wants her sub to crave being caged.
In this blog, I want to highlight the mental and physical journey that each locked session brings to me. I will summarize them by ‘Day locked’ number. For me, it is a very similar sequence each time, with some minor shifting of transition dates. It is my hope that I can inspire Keyholders to understand her/his sub a bit better and take full advantage of him.
I will talk about where my energy focus is at each stage, as it shifts in my body. There may be some correlation to the Chakras of Indian philosophy, which I know nothing about.
Full disclosure, I am moderately submissive, nothing approaching Sissy. But I find caging pushes me to a deliciously submissive state; it is why I love it. If left alone, I have a ‘once every third day’ sex/masturbate schedule. If your guy needs sex more frequently, i.e. daily, I assume that will alter his cycle significantly. But I assume the sequence of the cycle, i.e the energy shifts, will be similar.
Day 1. A day of possibility and unknown. Always exciting, always special. That first lock click always brings a smile.
Day 3. Day three is my ‘want sex’ day and the cage seriously multiplies that urge. Horny. And very centered in my crotch. This energy and feeling increases through the first week. I am revved up horny, my groin is screaming, I feel aggressive. I am a walking, talking cock. Go easy on him this cycle, be sexy, touch him a little, but give him time to cool down.
Day 7. Day 7 +/- 1 day is my first transition point. Suddenly the energy has moved into my head. I am horny, but my crotch is calm. My brain is excited, full of fantasies and lust. This is a lovely time for cat and mouse play. Play with his mind, not his cock. Tease his brain with scenarios, stories, porn he likes, how you will take him, etc. This is when you sink the hook. This period lasts about a week or more for me. It is very excited pleasure.
Day 14. Somewhere around the second or third week, Days 14-21, the energy shifts again, this time to my heart. This is the ‘I love her madly’ zone. This is what you, as Keyholder, are aiming for. In this phase, I will do anything to please her. Anything. With no expectation. I am horny but calmly so. This is when the horny becomes submission. I have surrendered totally to her now. Slow, physical teasing in this phase is incredible. Every touch is amazing. A few nipple twists later I am a puddle. This is my sweet spot and I could live here forever. And for the Keyholder, this is when you get full and exqusite control. Daily oral orgasms on are the menu.
Day 21 and onward. Eventually the energy settles in my abdomen. I am calm, happy, subservient, devoted, cooperative. But now is when the physical limitations of denial creep in. My balls get sore, my nights are interrupted with massive cage crushed erections. It becomes a physical challenge. Big time Blue Balls.
To go further, you have to tough it out, hope for a wet dream or take charge of it. Prostate massage is a lovely way to reduce the pressure without orgasm. Getting carefully pegged can accomplish the same. I still remember the first time I dripped, dribbled and, ultimately poured myself out on the floor while Mistress slowly pegged me from behind. If you can solve the physical needs, you can ride the wave as long as you like.
Happy to answer inquiries. Good luck managing your boys.
Very well said:)
When you think he’s beginning to plateau and game is nearing the end of a cycle ending in a release for him, put a little effort into getting those tears of joy flowing and ask him to go a little longer for you. And do this over and over again.