I N F L U E N C E

PEACHES AND CREAM, SWEETER THAN SWEET, ᴄʜᴏᴄᴏʟᴀᴛᴇ CHEEKS ( & ) CHOCOLATE WINGS. BUT YOUR WINGS ARE WINGS OF THE DEVIL, IN FRONT OF YOUR SWEET IS BITTER BITTER. K I S S ME, I DON’T CARE IF IT ʜᴜƦᴛꜱ, HURRY AND CHOKE ME SO I CAN’T HURT ANY MORE. BABY, I D O N ’ T CARE IF I GET DRUNK, I’LL DRINK YOU IN NOW. YOUR WHISKEY, DEEP INTO MY THROAT.

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gyuisms.

ONLY NOW DOES GYU REALIZE he maybe shouldn’t have bothered. because no matter what way or how little he looks at the other, he can’t forget choked moans and hands over a mouth when they NEED to be quite for a short moment or the mirrored view when he’d had sejun bent over bathroom sinks. NOW however, he hates that look in sejuns eyes; and he can’t pinpoint just what it is. because once some time ago now he’d suppose, he’d once or twice hoped it would be fondness in them instead. “ i guess that’s what happens in your old age, ” gyu offered lightly, a little humor in the back of his throat. but it quickly faded at a question that only leaves him frowning instead. there was too much that had happened between their last moments at college and now. and whilst he didn’t much feel like spilling his feelings, it was fair to give him a better excuse than simply having LEFT. “ i don’t think either of us got that. ” he counter quickly, defeated, already. “ it’s funny.. all this time i thought some kid trying to TOP themselves would make for good campus gossip. ” it fell heavily, sitting between them like a dead fucking weight. the words almost laughable to him now, despite the price being present on him still. “ and i don’t know if it even MATTERS but.. i looked on facebook once. for YOU. guess a part of me thought you deserved a bye, or something. turns out there’s more of you than i could sift through.. “

THERE’S THAT UNDERLYING guilt that rears it’s ugly head every now and then –– sejun’s learned to squish that ugly feeling down until it’s muffled with nothing by sweet nothing’s and awful afterthoughts but for some reason, this one feeling won’t go away; like an itch that sejun couldn’t simply scratch because every time that sejun ever spares a glance towards the taller, he’s reminded of ‘ almost-something’s ’ and the best sex of his goddamn life, and at the thought, sejun’s shoudlers slump as eyes find more comfort glancing towards the smooth planes of the wooden table in front of him than his actual companion. “ not particularly a FAN of that shit, ” he murmurs stubbornly with pursed lips before offering a wry smile, dimpled cheeks contrasting his dry humor. “ –– well, did you even ... want that ? ” there’s no heat in his words, just curiosity as peaks from beneath his bangs whilst trying to fight back the bark that’s desperate to climb at his throat. he’s the same as just he was in college; he’s stubborn and sarcastic, and still no fuckin’ good but it doesn’t mean that sunggyu was which hurts more than it should. “ you looked for me on facebook ? ” this certainly has gotten sejun’s attention as his eyes naturally find the elder, lips quirking into the smallest of smiles –– something genuine out of his hardened exterior. it was ... cute. “ if i remember between all the ... rough sex against strangers’ sinks and trying to bend me in half that one time over someone’s balcony, you don’t really do ... technology. ”

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gyuisms.

― @sxjuns !

IS THIS WEIRD? Because it feels weird. But somehow the invisible marks, or dare he say roots, of a man who practically made him question everything once upon a time ― despite knowing nothing more than a name, a major, a hometown ― had never much faded, instead being replaced by new marks. And he can’t help but feel bad. Guilty for something when it’s far from his own, nor Sejuns fault to begin with. But is he Sejun anymore? The reminders of the man he used to know long gone, much like he’s certain his are, too. “The years didn’t treat you right, did they?” Gyu asks from across the table, fingers fiddling with that god forsaken necklace.

SEJUN WAS NOT used to this type of feeling –– the feeling of animosity, loss. because there was once a time where sejun thought he knew the other male who was currently seated in front of him, whilst only a name in a form of a choked moan, it was still something that sejun could call ... theirs. and yet, sejun currently stared at sunggyu with indifference whilst fingers rapped against the hardened wood of the table in front of him. ( sejun wonders if the other wondered ‘ what if ’ like he had all these years ? ) “ they never do, ” sejun murmurs lowly as his eyes drop from their glance at the elder, lips thinning silently. “ –– but at least one of us got to change for the better, right ? ”

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tavkjo.

“nope, but i do lick my boyfriend’s asshole quite often and he doesn’t seem to mind my mouth, so i’ll keep talking the way i talk.” jojo’s filter to mouth ratio is seriously distorted, and he says pretty much whatever’s on his mind in that very moment - something that’s both helped and hurt him in the past. he smiles slightly when he hears him laugh, shrugging his shoulders as he looks over at the now frozen child. “i’m just glad that i didn’t accidentally blow the little fucker up. i’m a little bit rusty. but you’re welcome, man. all in a day’s work, i guess.”

“ AS HOT AS that sounds, unless that’s an invitation then i do not care, ” sejun murmurs indifferently towards the other with a slight raise of his brow before huffing an amused laugh, taking another sip from his coffee at hand. he finds the other being more of a company to himself than most because he always connected more with unfiltered jackasses than most, maybe because he was one himself. another glance is spared towards the frozen child before they land on the other male, a grin playing at his lips before shrugging. “ i would’ve payed more to see the child BLOW up but hey, we all aren’t me, i suppose. ”

[sxjuns-blog]

gyuisms.

gyu could not simply walk away despite his feet urging him to do so –– anxiety already slowly edging through him he cannot fathom doing such, no matter how badly he might wish to. oh, sejun deserved better than that, regardless of how gyu may or may not feel about it. for he can’t deny the nights they’d spent in many a drunken stupors, muffled whines against hands when they needed to be quiet. he expects the response he gets, but it doesn’t stop him from flinching when his tone rises. “ i know. ” is all gyu manages, albeit weakly. what else was he meant to say ? fingers still fiddle with the piece of jewellery between them, a wonder of just what he’s feeling coming to mind. “ hello, ” an awkward, low chuckle following, “ you look good. ” for the first time in a long time, the chain had failed him, apparently. causing him to release his grasp, stuffing it underneath his shirt again. “ that would explain it. ” sejun barely gets started and his features already flash a shade of crimson he wasn’t much used to. “ i ―― i haven’t forgotten. how could i forget that ? ” sejun still deserved better, much so. “ sorry about.. disappearing on you. ”

WHEN THE OTHER male hadn’t walked away throughout sejun’s spews of ... adulterate content that previous happened between the two, sejun almost could assume that sunggyu had missed him as much as sejun missed the other –– but admitting that is a fault in weakness and one thing sejun isn’t is WEAK; so he ultimately sucks up his pride to talk to sunggyu, offering small glances in curiosity and brief smiles before they turn lewd smirks, ultimately feeling more e x p o s e d than before. “ you know ? ” sejun replies questionably because the sunggyu he had known before ... the one who had confident hands that bruised slim hips and was more DEMANDING with his words that almost resembled honey that always promised him dirty, dirty things –– this didn’t feel like the sunggyu he once knew. ( and god, did sejun felt stupid. ) “ you always look good, ” sejun replies with heavy INDIFFERENCE, chewing on his bottom lip as eyes glance down at the elder’s figure before raising to meet familiar hues. “ –– but yes, it would explain it. ” he abruptly stands from his seat, taking his coffee and cell phone with him whilst staring at the male who had once gotten his goddamn HOPES up. “ i’m ... used to it, ” he murmurs softly, glancing away while dimpled cheeks quirk in reply. “ sorry, i don’t think i know you anymore. ”

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tavkjo.

“yeah, yeah, we get it. you’re an old ass, decrepit, worn out, man.” he rubs his temple with his fingers, while using the other hand to wave him on. he’s only teasing him about his age though - mostly. “you know what?” he perks up slightly, his expression brightening. “i have no idea why i didn’t think about this before.” he looks in the direction of the screeching toddler, his left hand coming up and flicking slightly in their direction, before the child froze mid cry. “silence is golden.”

“ YOU KISS YOUR mother with that mouth, kid ? ” sejun replies with his tone heavy of indifference as eyes never once glance up from the illuminating screen of his phone, unable to take the bait and actually care for him or the child. “ –– what ? ” he deadpans, lazily glancing up with a questionable raise of his brow. it takes a brief moment but suddenly the child is frozen amidst the sobs, sejun actually releasing a huff of a LAUGH that actually shows his amusement and appreciation. “ you’ve been holding out on me ? shame. i, for one, am actually thankful that background noise has finally stopped. ”

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soomyong.

          “ i’ll remember to keep that in mind, “ he responded, his arms crossing over one another in some form of debate. it more than likely that it was going to be a bit hard for him to find the young child’s mother, considering the fact that soomyong didn’t obtain that type of power. he did his best to comfort the sad child, rubbing his back to try and calm him down a bit. he gave him all the basic questions to try and find her, knowing the mother was probably a nervous wreck that her child been lost, his eyes dart back to look upon the other, shaking his head, “ helping a child isn’t depressing! it’s rewarding, you should try it sometime! “

SEJUN COULD ONLY watch in disbelief that the other had actually gone out of his way to help the child, though the wails did tend to quiet down when he actually had reached the beggar’s kid but it doesn’t necessarily help the headache that c l a w e d at the back of sejun’s mind at the good deed. he huffs a sigh before rolling his eyes, gaze weighted between the dog video that continued to loop on his phone’s screen and the other male who was RUBBING the child’s back before he heard the other male’s shout in reply. “ when you’ve lived as long as i have, everything you see is depressing ! but maybe over my dead body, sweetheart ! ”

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schvngs.

“ anyone would cry at being separated from their parent at that age, ” soso retorts bluntly, eyes heavy on the particular child. whilst the stranger had a point, and it wasn’t pleasant to listen to, hopefully it would cease soon enough without anyone dying. though this particular man didn’t cut his own behaviour out, soso was positive he’d be able to make him feel as bad. “ are you always this much of an asshole around children ? i must be missing something. ” fingers tap at the takeaway coffee cup in his hands, welcoming the distraction.

“ ORPHANS THAT WERE left as newborns wouldn’t cry because they don’t know their birth parents, ” sejun murmurs off-handedly as eyes never once glance up from his cell phone. this was his PROBLEM in the first place; he’s too inconsiderate, too privileged to even realize he’s a heartless bastard; but it’s alright, he supposes, because the other wouldn’t mind. the sight of soso t i c k i n g made much amusing sight anyway. “ i’m always an asshole, i’ve heard it all before, ” he replies with a shrug before raising a quizzical brow towards the other. “ beggars annoy me. ”

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dvehyvns.

the crying hadn’t really caught daehyun’s attention until the other beside him is bringing it to light – and once it’s there, he can’t seem to drown it  O U T . brown eyes swivel to peer in the direction of the child, lips pressed together as he takes in their crying figure and daehyun has to force himself to look away after a few seconds pass by. unease settles over him; it weighs heavy over his chest. thoughts of sympathy echo in the back of his mind, a familiar ache of knowing what that feeling was like creeping through him, and there is a frown finding his lips as his gaze falls on sejun now – he’s a little SPITEFUL at the words. “i wish you could hear yourself fuckin’ talk sometimes. you’re still stuck in the 1800′s. or however far back your old ass goes.” his tone is bitter as he takes a sip of equally bitter coffee, ignoring the taste before easing himself away from the mess of emotions that he had let slip. “i’m sure someone will help him eventually.” daehyun tacks on thoughtlessly.

IT SEEMS AS if sejun had hit a sore spot with the other which was ironic because sejun had been always been good at pinpointing towards people’s weakspots, a talent taught from father to father if sejun had ever knew one –– and whilst sometimes court strategies l e a k into sejun’s heartless, heartless persona; it almost seems as if the other was just as BITTER as himself but for different reasons that makes sejun smirk into his illuminating screen, unable to cast his eyes off the text message he was sending all whilst listening to the other’s heated words. “ you okay there, sport ? ” he murmurs uneventfully, his tone HEAVY of disinterest before shrugging his shoulders in spite. “ you sound a little trigger happy there for the kid –– why don’t you adopt him or something ? that’d be cute. ” sejun’s foot taps against daehyun’s softly once, twice before reaching over to take a sip of his own coffee cup at hand, slowly but surely d r o w n i n g the child out of his thoughts. “ the SOONER the better. ”

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gyuisms.

his cigarette is on its last moments, before its DEMISE toward the floor. and THOUGH it provides a slight comfort whilst people mill past him, getting back inside from this albeit awkward conversation with who he hoped to be nothing more than a stranger seemed like a better idea than lighting another. “ i’ll take your word for it, friend. ” is all gyu musters weakly, a little lost with the conversation, if anything. “ oh. ” he’d been waiting for their answer with BAITED breath, hoping he could skip over it if he had been wrong; but instead all he’s greeted with is a weight in his stomach that he’d have happily tried to claw away at. was his suspicion going to be true ? ( because it sure felt like it would be ). a hand instinctively grabs at his necklace, the one comfort he could at least get since he feared he’d not be leaving just yet. “ shit. ” he offers quietly, sejun having offered the answer he’d feared. it took all of him to try and not think of all the noises he’d once been able to incite from the other man, the moments in strangers bathrooms or in crowded closets. the hands on hips and mouths at necks. “ hi, sejun. ” the man was a far cry from the boy sejun once knew, he could only hope he wouldn’t be completely perturbed. “ —- what gave me away ? ” 

BEING CALLED THE other’s friend is somewhat of a foreign concept because he’s dealt with that low baritone voice before, he’s sure he has, but it reminds him of unanswered e-mails and drunken encounters that’s more painful than he’d like to admit; sejun watches with e m p t y eyes at the elder male before him throws his cigarette somewhere besides them. “ we are not friends, ” sejun barks quietly from his seat out of habit because he’s much colder than he was in college, more DISTILLED and vain. “ –– so just ... ” but sejun’s at a loss for words because his eyes keep glancing back to that damn necklace that hangs low at the other’s chest, blinking as his facade begins to soften at the stance. but if this was true, if this were really sunggyu –– god, sejun fights a smirk that steady grows on his lips at the thought. it really was yoo sunggyu. “ hi, sunggyu, ” sejun murmurs with quiet confidence before pocketing his cell phone at this point in the conversation. “ the chain –– ” his head tilts towards the item, dimpled cheeks agonizingly taunting the taller. “ kind of hard to forget when i’ve had to d r a g g e d across my back every time you bent me over a stranger’s bathroom sink and fucked me until i forgot my own name, don’t you remember ? ”

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gyuisms.

“ my mom is pretty old, ” gyu muses back, more preoccupied with the cigarette in his hand than whoever the company was, “ and i doubt you’re that old. ” glancing up from the packet between his fingers, eyebrows quickly knit together. there’s a familiarity he’s all too used to, but can’t be sure his inkling’s even correct. “ as long as they come back eventually what does it matter ? ” gyu actively tried to stay out of anyone elses problems, unless work called for such. crying kids were no different. “ strange question, pretty stranger, but… ” a hand rubs at the back of his neck, “ did ya ever go to college overseas or anything ? i can just finish this cig and leave if thats weird. ”

SEJUN’S PHONE PROVIDED more entertainment and whilst the younger would usually leave it at that –– with the stranger’s name still a mystery on his lips associated with an unknownst face, the deep rumble of the other’s tone deemed familiar that makes his fingers freeze at the touch, sharp gaze glancing up with CURIOSITY in his eyes rather than the icy glare that was usually in it’s place. “ i’m OLD enough, ” he murmurs before doesn’t pull his gaze away, simply chewing on his lower lip with a hesitant shrug. “ i ... did a few years ago. ” and suddenly there’s a feeling in his chest that tightens before eyes narrow on a familiar gleam of a necklace that hangs low on the other’s chest, blinking at c h o k e d moans and rough hands on bruised hips that suddenly flood his mind. “ –– yoo sunggyu. ”

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vlcntines.

                   “you make it sound like you’re so OLD, hyung. you’re only twenty four.” they retorted quietly, thumbing the side of their coffee gingerly as they glanced back and forth between the two, silently contemplating on aiding the poor kid. “hyung! don’t say that, he’s just scared, okay? maybe we should help him.” binnie tugged softly at the elder’s sleeve with eyes portraying the best puppy eyes they could muster. “please? what if it were me, huh? would you leave me to die? come on — he doesn’t even look old enough to be four years old.”

“ AND I’M GOING to be twenty-four for quite a while, ” sejun murmurs back whilst his tone heavy with indifference, he peers up from the illuminating screen of his phone with a slight huff before pocketing the item. “ what if i don’t want to help me ? what will it GAIN me ? ” he purses his lips for a moment while eyes never glances away from the younger, though the puppy eyes softening his features into reluctance. “ i would leave most people to die –– you know this by now. but you ... ? c’mon, whatever. i’ll help the BEGGAR child. ”

[pawjohnny-archive]

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milkhcneys.

                   “daddy — you’re making it seem like you’ve been around for too long. and kids..” jamie trailed off, giving the child a pitying glance. “they just need a little love. whatdd’ya say we help him out a little?” they inquired, placing the half-empty cup of coffee on the ground , slipping a hand into his and giving it a soft squeeze. “i don’t want anyone to go through the shit i did, and he could end up in a not so good place if we don’t. please? it’ll only take a second.”

“ BABY BOY, WHAT did daddy just say –– ” sejun tuts the other as his gaze is suddenly sharpened at younger but immediately softens at the reasoning; though, it wasn’t particularly a good one seeing as he still despises the thought of any child’s wails but it was jamie, his baby boy, and he was ultimately weakened at the touch. “ you know daddy’s been around for quite a while, ” he murmurs sullenly around the rim of his coffee cup but reluctantly gets s t r u n g along by the smaller until he’s facing the child, sejun releasing his grip before SHOVING at his hand into jamie’s back pocket with a huff. “ okay .. go do whatever people do. ”

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soomyong.

          he couldn’t help the rolling of his eyes, shaking his head a bit. “ can you try to have a little bit of sympathy? “ he questioned as his eyes looked upon the small child. he couldn’t bare to watch the scene any longer, so he got up from where he sat and made his way over. he leaned down to the little boy’s height, due to the fact that he didn’t want to tower over him at his six foot one inch height and scare him. one there he began doing his best to comfort the boy and help find his mother. 

“ YOU’RE ASKING THE wrong power freak here, buddy, ” sejun replies without hesitation without even glancing up from the illuminating screen of his cell phone, thumbs still rapidly typing while ignoring his companion at hand who –– if he can observe from the corner of his eye, actually does what he’s too UNSYMPATHETIC to do and actually approach the child. it makes him huff an amused laugh at the sight. “ you’re just as depressing ! ” he shouts from his chair towards the other’s direction, fingers wiggling as a slight wave with a cherry grin.

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gyuisms:

shrugging uncomfortably, gyu fidgets to face his apparent companion whilst he waited for it to hit the hour so he could head inside his building, before offering a wry smile. “ what are you, like, eighteen ?? and you’re complaining about kids, ” gyu scoffs ( even though he had a point ), as hands settle to rest in his lap. “ children are.. so dramatic. i’m sure we were all like that at one point right ?? my umma would have probably slapped me though… people are weird now. ”

“ MIND YOU, I’VE been alive longer than your mother –– ” sejun murmurs with a sharp look that’s directed towards the other, pursing his lips around his drink before gaze settles back onto his phone at hand. “ but it shouldn’t excuse the fact that the child over there has been crying for his umma for almost thirty minutes now. ” sejun’s gaze briefly lingers between the child and the other male before huffing a scoff. “ pretty people are never like that as children so don’t excuse yourself for being weird. i extremely doubt it. ”

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azcrvahs.

“their gift must be screaming like a banshee.” az grumbled to partially to himself, partially to sejun. he was never good with kids. he thought they were all the spawn of satan. however, he did feel rather guilty looking at the kid who was crying – no one seemed to want to them. az certainly didn’t. however, if helping the kid find their mom was going to stop the migraine-inducing wails az supposed he wouldn’t be opposed to it. he sighed heavily and stood up walking to squat in front of the kid. “hey. hey, look at me. i’m gonna help you find your mom okay?”  he looked around already regretting his course of action. “where’s the last place you saw her?” when the kid pointed at the door az felt like screaming himself. she probably just went inside to do something and left her demon-possessed child outside for a few minutes. az sat down in his spot, they were probably gonna be for a while yet. at the very least the kid had stopped crying.

“ SO ONE OF the more ... pitying powers ? what a relief, ” sejun replied without even glancing up from his phone, thumbs scrolling lazily through social media feeds all whilst paying half a mind towards his companion. it was already a s t r e t c h that sejun had put up with that child in the first place, but actually conversing about aggravating children was not on his recommended; sejun finding no personal GAIN whatsoever to help that child in need and if anything, had reached over with his foot to bump his limb against the other’s, head motioning towards the child at hand as if he were too prideful to do so himself. and the other had actually gone out of his way to help the kid –– sejun huffing a scoff before taking a sip of his coffee, waiting a beat or two before the wails had finally STOPPED and he came to with the other taking their seat back next to him. sejun simply hummed in reply. “ you’re so charitable to the needy, ” he murmured with subtle indifference o o z i n g through his tone. “ –– i would’ve just paid the kid to stop crying. good on you. ”

[sxjuns-blog]

“ YOU KNOW, WITH all my years that i’ve been alive ( and mind you, that’s a lot ) children had been better at controlling their unearthly wails of crying –– ” sejun murmurs towards his ... somewhat companion beside him all whilst watching a child merely five feet away crying for their mother, unwavering eyes staring in HEAVY distaste before taking a leisure sip of his coffee at hand. “ that beggar’s child is probably going to die if he doesn’t find his mother soon, ” sejun comments once again, blinking once or twice at the thought before retreating back towards the illuminating screen of his cell phone. “ –– pity. ”