warm honey;

Baby, you understand me now? If sometimes you see that I'm mad Don't you know, no one alive can always be an angel? When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.You know sometimes, baby, I'm so carefree, With a joy that's hard to hide And then sometimes, again, it seems that all I have is worry... And then you're bound to see my other side.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

I like your letters like whiskey and cherries and smoke and honey,

Dylan Thomas, from a letter to Emily Holmes Coleman c. February 1937 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[sxleils]

callieclarke:

– “so, what are you new year’s resolutions?” she asked, leaning across the table slightly. “is there anything you’d like to change about yourself in honor of the new calendar year, or whatever?”

“you know, i could say something generic like workout more but it seems that i might take this whole resolutions thing seriously for once“ soleil stated mirthlessly, eyes rolling back in disbelief of herself. “maybe not be as impulsive, or something“ the brunette muttered, the events of the maddoxes party seeming to haunt her. “what about you, cal?“

[sxleils]

text | levi & soleil

levi: hey, I know this might be awkward and I might be the last person you want to talk to right now, but we need to talk about what happened

levi: at least I do. just call me as soon as you can, okay?

soleil: hey, i've been meaning to call you too. i've been trying to but i just can't shake off what happened either.

soleil: what is there to talk about, we did what we did...

[arabwife]

I’ll get over it I just gotta be dramatic first

[sxleils]

✬･˙˖  SOLEIL SAHOURI VIA INSTAGRAM 1.1.18 ˖˙･✬

[wnq-writers]

she’s nice and she’s wise. but she lies too much and too well. she smiles. but she cries and she hides too much and too well.

caerus-n-kleio, smiles and lies (via wnq-writers)

[loveless-people]

“I kissed him passionately, I even wanted to bruise him, so that he would not be able to forget me.”

Françoise Sagan, Bonjour Tristesse (via loveless-people)

[sxleils]

emoryxyoung:

if emory didn’t know better how to control himself, he would have flinched at the sound of levi’s name coming out of her mouth. it was his touchy subject in any sort of manner. levi and soleil, himself and levi, anything. he felt so dumb for that. “that’s different. levi’s different. you know that.” it felt as their argument had lasted a lifetime as their destination came into view. maybe their argument hadn’t been forever, but it had been ongoing for almost the full six months of their relationship. maybe that should have been a sign, but for some reason emory wasn’t ready to give soleil up. she was every example of why he hated getting attached to people. the ‘l’ word cut through him like a knife. he ran a hand over the skin on his chin where his stubble would have been before getting ready. he turned his head from the girl. “but you still love him too, don’t you?”

soleil wished she could take back her words, for she knew levi and her was something emory found hard to digest.“i know, but it's the same pain,“ she muttered in between tears. soleil looked down, breath hitching as she locked eyes with her lover after hearing his cry for help. jealousy: the deadly sin that occupied the majority of their relationship had finally met its match within her. she felt consumed by every word she spoke, and it was safe to say levi was a sensitive subject for her, too. but all the worries emory held were countered by her faith in him. “come on, don’t do that.“ she whispered, hoping he’d listen to her for once. it hurt when he didn’t say he loved her back, but she knew the truth behind his facade.“i love him—loved him in a different way.” the brunette pressed, reaching out for his hand. “why is my love for you not enough?“

[sxleils]

cxlderons:

At the first mention of Emory’s possible infidelity, Levi’s hand reached up to wipe his mouth. He practically felt his mind run in a thousand different directions, not sure what to make of the ENTIRE situation. Deep down, he wanted to say there was no way it could have been possible, for the Emory that he knew would never do that, would never want to intentionally hurt someone he loved … but that was aeons ago, and truthfully, Levi didn’t exactly know the type of person Emory was now. He couldn’t PROMISE her anything. “I’m sorry,” was all he could manage to say; he felt at this moment, right here and now, that his typical verbose self would have to be restrained. His concerned eyes couldn’t help but glance down at her shining lips, an extremely INAPPROPRIATE and heart-wrenching thought crossing his mind as he quickly glanced away. He was too intoxicated to think clearly, he needed to LEAVE: but his feet couldn’t move. Her smile was too warm, her voice too vulnerable to leave her like this, especially on a night so filled with chaos and toxicity. Instead, his hand reached up, his thumb wiping a single tear from her soft skin. But his hand lingered, his palm cupping the side of her face gently, their faces now dangerously close.

Soleil felt alone again as she observed Levi’s reaction to her accusation towards Emory. A seed of jealousy had planted within their relationship, and Soleil knew better than to act upon it. Yet as much as she wanted to believe that nothing could break her down, her visage showcased otherwise. She hadn’t even realized the tears brimming inside her sapphire blue hues once again until he placed his comforting touch on her skin. And for a moment, time stood still amisdt the pair. She’d forgotten about Emory, about she and Levi’s past. All she could do was stare into the eyes of the man she grew to love with mirth. Soleil inched closer to his body, alcohol-laced lips meeting for the first time in months.

[sxleils]

sebavtians:

     sebastian stood to the back of the party  ,  finding comfort in the quiet bubble he createdfor himself while the rest of the party carried on him around him  .  that is  ,  until  ,  he watches the slender  ,  modelesque brunette makes his way towards him like a goddamn vision  .  god  ,  soleil was simply a beauty beyond comprehension  .  he shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts clouding his mind  ,  trying to revert to more friendly thoughts  .  ❛  you’re drunk  .  lookin’ beautiful  ,  may i add  , but drunk  ❜  sebastian laughs  ,  large hands moving to hug her slender waist to hold her up  .  he happily follows her to the dance floor  ,  hands sliding to lace through her own  .  ❛  emory’s goin’ to get upset that you’re dancing with me  ,   ❜  he tells her with a pout  ,  keeping an arm’s distance between them  .  ❛  so we’ll leave room for jesus  .  ❜

    “why thank you. you look quite handsome yourself” it was safe to say soleil was flattered by his endearing words. for there was never a moment in time where she felt lesser than when sebastian was around. he always knew what to say, and his way with words placed even more impact now than they did when she was sober. the brunette dragged them to the dancefloor, and allowed the boy to sway her away amisdt the crowd. she listened to him, the mention of her boyfriend leaving bitterness in her heart. “i don’t care what emory thinks, and neither should you.“ soleil stated, a small pout forming through wine-stained lips. she moved closer to him, warpping her arms around sebastian’s neck and flashing him a smile to signify her complacency.

[sxleils]

cxlderons:

Strong arms steadied the embraced pair, Levi using the sleeve of his incredibly expensive Armani suit to wipe away the few tears that were falling from her eyes, slowly freezing on her soft cheeks. The name ‘Emory’ made his heart sink: TRUTHFULLY, Levi never really knew what to say to either him or Soleil when they mentioned each other (which was, of course, not very often, given the nature of their relationships). He would simply nod politely, not wanting to get in the middle of their own relationship. Besides, he was probably the LAST one who either of them wanted to see or talk to in the midst of a fight.

So now, with his arms wrapped around the girl, Levi knew not how to proceed. “You guys will get through this, you ALWAYS do,” he managed between deep breaths. He wasn’t wrong: from afar, anyone could tell that the couple had their issues sometimes, but at the end of the day, they always seemed to be resolved. He almost wanted to ask her about their fight, wanted to give her advice about how to go about the situation–but that was too WEIRD; it was years ago, but he was once in Emory’s shoes, fighting for this very same girl. It felt wrong for him to ask, felt wrong for him to be there for her at the moment. “Soleil, I don’t really know what else to say, but …” he paused, releasing her from his embrace, his hands moving to hold hers gently. “I’m HERE … if you need me.”

It was an odd sightning—being with Levi, yet crying over Emory. If you’d ask the girl earlier, she would’ve never guessed this would be her current predicament. But for the time being, she allowed Levi to be there for her. She let him hold her between his sinewy arms, and wipe away her tears. He was one of the few people who’d ever seen her in such a way, broken down to her very core: all because of a boy. To make matters worse, he couldn’t even place his input on such a sensitive matter.

“I don’t think we will. I think he cheated...I don’t know,” She mumbled into his chest, unable to accept her own words. It was a difficult thing, her relationship. And she wasn’t sure how to interpret it to Levi without making it painful for either one of them. But it was clear to Soleil that, despite his comforting nature, Levi couldn’t help her on this one. She felt him distance himself, both mentally and physically. Even though everything in her body begged for her not to let go, she did—just as she had done so years ago. “I know you are.” she stated simply. “Thank you, mon tresor. You really are,” she cracked a smile between her glossy lips, and grabbed a hold of his hand.

[sxleils]

it had been quite a turn of events for soleil, to say the least. just hours ago she had been crying, and her self-control seemed to be hanging on by a thread. but to no avail, she regained her social prowess and was ready to make the most of a very dark night, even if it had to be behind the comforts of a mask. near the dancefloor, soleil locked eyes with the brunette boy she grew to adore—sebastian romano always seemed to appear in times where she felt lost and out of luck, like a guardian angel of some sorts. soleil beamed at his presence, for the girl knew she could count on him to uplift her spirits and give her a better understanding of what she was going through. “sebastian, mon amour, where have you been?” soleil grinned sheepishly as she held on to him, her near drunken stupor allowing her to let go of any burdens she carried. “come on, let’s dance!”  @sebavtians .

[sxleils]

emoryxyoung:

a scoff passed through emory’s lips. it was like soleil could see right through him, and yet he still pretended to be opaque. “yes, i do.” he grumbled, shaking his head. it was like a totally new conversation when she finally looked at him and moved closer to him. “how is it not okay? we weren’t together at the moment, s. you could’ve slept with whoever you wanted and i wouldn’t be mad right now because we were technically apart.” his words were laced with lies all the way through. he cared about her so much more than he wanted to admit, but he always went around ruining good things. he turned away, hearing the way her voice threatened tears. god, he couldn’t handle seeing her cry. “then why haven’t you just given up on me already?” the softness in his voice threatened everything he knew to be true about himself.

soleil observed him spew lies to her face, uncertain whether to identify it as jealousy or defensiveness—maybe a little bit of both. “no, that’s not true. you were mad earlier just at the mention of me being with levi.“ she stated, voice shaky with anger and surrender interweaved into every word. she knew emory well enough, maybe better than he knew himself at times. and the girl knew if she had done something it wouldn’t be handled as easily. it was a rarity to see soleil feel powerless of her actions, and this had been one of those instances where she couldn’t control how she felt. wiping away any remaining tears with the back of her perfectly manicured fingers, soleil brought herself to speak words which were not exchanged as much as they should have been. their love was unique in that way: they fought for each other, and they showed how they felt through their actions more than anything. “because i love you, em“ she stated, having nothing left in her. 

[sxleils]

cxlderons:

Levi could tell from the tone of Soleil’s voice that something was wrong—he knew her well enough to instantly feel concern after she started speaking. It was like there was the TINIEST hitch in her voice, one that she clearly was trying to hide behind a stronger front. Either way, no matter how badly Levi just wanted to embrace her into a supportive hug, he kept his DISTANCE, fully knowing what it could look like to anyone who decided to step out or look out onto the balcony at this instant. 

As her mask fell, Levi removed his too (the thing was getting annoying and restricting, anyway). “Soleil, you know well enough that there’s no way I could possibly ENJOY one of these things. If by ‘enjoy’ you mean raiding the open bar, then yes,” he chuckled lightly as he turned to face her. He was met by a look of vulnerability, dry tears almost turning to frost in the cold of the New York night. “Hey, are you okay?” Levi asked, the concern in his voice almost FLOODING his words. Screw the others, he thought to himself, and reached out to wrap his arms around the girl. “What’s going on, Soleil?”

Soleil was unsure how to handle the current situation she placed herself in, and that appeared to be a reoccurring theme of the past few days, especially when it came to Levi. Everything within her was torn, especially her feelings towards the men in her life. And her past—Levi was in the midst of it all. She was a fool to ever think that he wouldn’t realize how broken she was.

She watched him, stormy eyes glimmering with whatever happiness she had left inside of her as he took his mask off. Soleil couldn’t bring herself to smile, not even when he tried to lighten the mood. All she wanted was for him to hold her and make everything okay, but what she asked for was much too big of a request, even for the love of her life. Instead, he held her, but she still felt unsteady and not in control of anything going on in her life.  “Emory and I got into another fight...” She brought herself to speak, her voice laced with vulnerability.

[sxleils]

cxlderons:

Despite the sheer NUMBER of these things that Levi had attended, he couldn’t remember a single New Year’s Eve party being this stuffed and uncomfortable since the first party after his mother had died. Even a few drinks in, he had to find a moment to step outside; the HEAT of the party and pressure was starting to get to him. Excusing himself from the last god-awful conversation, Levi made his way over to the balcony doors, ready to embrace a little cold wind to cool himself down, both physically and mentally.

He unbuttoned his suit jacket, resting his hands on the balcony as he overlooked the New York skyline; in just an hour or two, the sky would be filled of bursting colors of light–but for now, the GLISTENING yellow lights from the sky-scraping windows were enough to feel a little at peace. Levi noticed a figure to his left, perching against the railing just as he was. “Needed to escape all that CHAOS, too, huh? It’s crazy to think that this night hasn’t even started, not for Upper East Side standards, at least.”

It had been an eventful night for Soleil Sahouri, so to speak—the one downside was that in the eyes of the public, it had just begun. Yet, she was ready to go back to the comforts of her bedroom and stay there for the remainder of what she would call a dreadful week. And after saying her hellos and getting a few pictures taken to please whoever was counting on her: Her parents, her friends, her excuse of a boyfriend. She found herself longing for silence. It was good to feel at peace for a moment in time, that is until she heard footsteps approaching the terrace.

As a familiar, comforting voice rang through her ears the brunette looked up instantaneously to see Levi beside her. “Yeah, I needed a breather...“ Soleil mumbled, turning her head to the side as she wiped away any remaining tears. She was grateful that the event was a masquerade so no one could see any indication of the hours leading up to the event. But the mask fell to her side, and she could no longer conceal any emotions peaking through her somewhat composed demeanor. “How come you’re out here? You should be enjoying this night. I know it’s not your preferred place to be, though.“

[sxleils]

emoryxyoung:

emory did not answer on whether or not he trusted her, because he did. he trusted her all too much. that was part of the problem. “how many people do you think i’ve slept with? i do have self control, you know.” he lied. he utterly lacked self control in any sense of the word. emory was impulsive, the very definition of the word. his breath hitched in his throat. his eyes were glued to the side of her face, daring her to look at him as they argued. “it meant nothing.” he grumbled. “it’s not like i keep tabs on who you’d know and who you wouldn’t. we were drinking at a party. it’s not like i texted her back after.” caught red handed but unable to admit defeat, emory stood his gruff ground.

she allowed the silence to evade the room, unable to process her own feelings. soleil let her boyfriend defend himself, in hopes that she would find it in herself to believe an iota of anything he said. “oh, do you now? “ she questioned him, finally allowing herself to turn her body and move closer to him. “are you really validating your actions to me right now? it’s still not okay. i don’t care if you were at some party.“ her voice laced with disbelief at both his reply and his actions. after a small moment of nothingness ended, soleil felt all the love she had for the boy was too strong to see them so torn apart. “you’re making it really easy for me to just give up right now, do you know that?“ soleil threatened him, her tone breathy and disgruntled as a tear escaped her eyes. she prayed that it was dark enough that he wouldn’t notice her tearing apart at the seams. they were both much too prideful for that.

[sxleils]

emoryxyoung:

“i’m not being pessimistic. i’m being realistic, soleil.” her full name rolled off his tongue like lava, any usual nicknames gone and past. “i’ve only known the guy my whole life, i know he can’t be over you.” emory broke his eyes away from hers. she wasn’t wrong, he never told her anything too personal. it just wasn’t his style. “what do you want me to do, then? give you a full list of everyone else i’ve ever slept with?” he muttered, keeping his own voice down. the same fight, a different day. she seemed so tired by him, but she never really left for long, and he was only dragging her along in his own insecurities. as they reached the ground floor, emory held the door open to the city outside for her. “i don’t know that. i don’t know anything about him anymore.”

“yes, but you know me. god, it’s like you don’t trust me.“ she countered, implying her agitation in every word before allowing him to continue his tangent. “well, if you can remember them all...“ in reality, levi had consumed all of her experimental years, and she’d only ever been with a handful of boys since. emory, on the other hand, was somewhat notorious for his escapades. as they entered the car, soleil darted her eyes towards his one more time befoe looking straight ahead, unable to tell him what she had on her chest to his face. “i know about you and savannah.“ soleil stated simply, unable to stomach the fact that he’d been with one of her friends. “i mean, really em? you didn’t even have the decency to hook up with someone i didn’t know while we were fighting.”