blue

yeah, the truth is that i'm sorry though i told you not to worry i'm just some dumb kid trying to kid myself that i got my shit together

[sxngjac]

jovnie‌:

joon pulled the other closer to him, this thumbs going to work to wipe any and all tears that spilled from their eyes. he felt horrible that he made song suddenly feel so emotional, but maybe they would always feel this way so long as they tried to stay apart from one another. if there was one thing joon regretted, it was not fighting hard enough to change song’s mind. of course he tried, pleading with them and explaining how things would be okay, but in the end, he took his defeat and vanished. was this the world giving him a second chance to fight again? “you never hurt me, song. not in the way you think. i never once complained about things between us, and i made sure to help you and care for you the best i could, and i’m sorry that it wasn’t enough to make you happy…” he chews on his bottom lip, his voice breaking slightly as tears start to sting the corner of his own brown hues. “i still love you,” he confesses without a second thought. “you were the first person i ever loved, and there’s not a day that goes by that i don’t wish i could turn back time and make everything right again. you deserve to be happy, and i know if you gave me one more chance, i could make you happy. i can show you that i was never regretful for being with you.” his eyes gaze strongly at the other, hoping each and every word sunk in before he rests his head against their forehead, the feeling of being so physically close being one he missed more than anything.   

“i was happy, joon. i was so happy.” they were. the happiest they had ever been, even. with joon there, it was like nothing else really mattered. like all their other troubles would just sort themselves out and they didn’t need to worry anymore. joon was like a blanket of safety and warm and song hated himself for letting it go. they thought they were doing the right thing, but it seemed they just ended up hurting joon even more. “you shouldn’t have to be my full-time carer, joon. that’s not a life i want for you. you should be able to love who you want without having to worry about their illness, or their temper or their habits.” the more he spoke, the more tears came to his eyes. upon hearing joon’s confession, song just froze. they couldn’t find the right response going around in their head. there were too many things in there right now for him to keep track. they pressed their lips together, tasting the salt of their tears. song sqeezed their eyes shut as he felt the other’s head touch his own. it was like they were being sent back in time, and everything was okay again. “i love you, joon.” they whispered. “i just want what’s best for you.” 

[moonchild30]

[jovnie-deactivated20190222]

@sxngjac

[sxngjac]

jovnie‌:

joon felt completely foolish, cursing himself for being too nice and wanting to fix things between the two, yet knowing he had tried and tried, only to be casted out by song themselves. what more could the boy do to make song see he would always be there for them no matter what? he loved them, truly opened his heart for the first time to let someone in and never minding the struggles they went through, so long as they could do so together. maybe joon was simply too naive and couldn’t open his eyes to what their relationship was really like. despite the bad times, their good times were even better, and all joon wanted to do was be selfish and make the other take him back. they couldn’t be just friends, no matter how hard joon wanted to try, it was clear the pain and longing for the other was simply too strong. as soon as joon feels their hand snake around his waist, he stops, cheeks turning the brightest shade of red as he waits for the other to speak. finally, he turned back around, looking at the other with sadness dripping from his eyes, “i don’t want you to feel awkward and out of place the whole time…” he tries to stop himself, but soon joon let’s his hand rise, cupping the others face gently before letting out a small sigh, “i don’t want us to pretend everything is fine and we’re nothing but good friends when there’s…so much still left between us…”

song talked a lot, pretty uncontrollably, which anyone who knew them knew all too well. but right now, in this moment, they couldn’t find their words. they had so much to say, but nothing was coming out. all of it was running around in their head way too fast to catch. ‘i’m sorry’, ‘i love you’, ‘please forgive me’. and still, no words. song didn’t even know they were crying before they noticed their vision had become blurry. a hand on their cheek didn’t help, it only made him squeeze his eyes shut, releasing more tears, which spilled onto joon’s perfect hand. “there is ... so much left.” they almost whispered. song stared at the ground once again. they could feel their heart, beating so hard they were sure it had broken at least one of their ribs. they remembered a time when joon made their heart beat like this, but not in the same way. he had made it beat with love, excitement and happiness. now, it had become dread and pain. song longed for the former feeling again. “i don’t know if i hurt you more in the relationship, or out of it.” the only reason song ended things was because they knew that joon didn’t deserve to have to look after them all the time. dealing with their obsessive organisation, their lashing out, their medication. joon deserved to be free of that, but now song wasn’t sure what had been worse. “i just know that i’m sorry.” 

[connectivitty-blog]

cell phone headcanons

send me “#” for cell phone headcanons about our muses including:                              - what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone                              - what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone                              - my muse’s last text to your muse

[sxngjac]

jovnie‌:

maybe joon was being too ambitious of them being just friends, and he didn’t want to put the other in an awkward situation that would just leave them feeling unsure and confused of what they wanted and how to go about being around each other. it caused the boys smile to falter a bit, his head hanging low once again as he tried to come up with something to say. to be honest, there was still that little bit of anger inside of him at the other for pushing joon away when all he did was try his best to be other for song no matter what. joon never felt burdened being with them, because his love for the other was stronger than anything. or so he thought. “i don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” joon spoke softly. “it was silly of me to offer this, i’m sorry…” embarrassed and hurt, joon quickly turned on his heel in the other direction, cursing at himself for causing such an uncomfortable situation and trying his best to blink back the tears that dared to sting his eyes.   

usually, song suffered with racing thoughts and and a constant anxiety in their stomach. but, in this moment, stood in front of the one person song may have ever had real feelings for, their thoughts and anxiety were amplified to the max. to song, they didn’t even deserve to feel sad. they were the one who hurt joon, they were the one who caused all this. but, the way song saw it, joon was so much better off being hurt apart from them than having to deal with their shit all the time. joon deserved so much better. and yet, song couldn’t help but be selfish. this was the first thim they had spoken in a while, and song was finding themselves not wanting the interaction to end, no matter how awkward it was. all they wanted was to take in joon’s scent and be taken back to a time when things were okay. they just wanted joon, despite knowing it was such a bad idea. “don’t...” before they could stop themselves, song’s hand thrust forward and latched around joon’s wrist. it remained there for what seemed like years, but was only a few long seconds. song loosened their grip, but they didn’t let go. “please. i want to go.” they weren’t sure what they were saying, but apparently it was what they wanted.

[sxngjac]

bluhq‌:

“well i’m sorry that you have to deal with it, but i’m glad that you at least have someone that knows exactly what you mean,” he noted with a guilty smile. nodding with a simple ‘good’ when the other had mentioned they were okay, blu’s eyes widened in shock. the man was impressed that there were so many talented works done in such a short amount of time, almost wondering if the stranger was just saying that to brag, but there was something about them that he didn’t feel like that was quite the case. “well you definitely have a talent, that’s for sure,” he added with a polite grin. “maybe those ones that even got away, even though they did, you may be able to remake them. not to mention when that happens you can always add things you didn’t think of the first time around so sometimes they’re potentially even better? especially if they’re still that fresh on the brain.” blu realized that he was probably rambling again before cutting himself off, not wanting to wear the other out with his words alone, squeezing in one more thing before doing just that. “i’m serious though, you could even be like…an illustrator with how impressive your drawings are.”

to be honest, it was nice to be around someone who felt comfortable to talk and ramble as much as song is known to do. when song catches themself talking incessantly, they’re suddenly too self-aware, afraid they’re being annoying or burdensome. but having someone who understood, who was exactly the same, was comforting if not exciting. song blushed at the mention of his talent. they knew they weren’t terrible, but hearing it from other people had a bashful effect on song. “thanks.” they said with a shy smile. “they’re mostly just sketches from interesting people or animals walking by that have gone now. but, it’s okay! more people keep coming so it’s just even more muse. most of these are disposable and just quick so it’s not that big a deal.”  he brushed it off, not wanting the other to feel ba about their lost sketches. song chuckled again shyly. “i guess i could, but i’ve never really been good at maintaining a job.” working for his parents was pretty much the only thing keeping song in a job currently. 

[sxngjac]

iactuallyburncold:

Bold what applies to your muse.

PLACE IN SOCIETY

Financial: Wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: Fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

Class or caste: Upper / middle / working / slave / Unsure

Education: Qualified / unqualified / studying

Criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no

FAMILY

Married - happily / Married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated

Has a child or children / has no children / wants children

Close with sibling(s) / Not close with sibling(s) / Has no sibling

Orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Extroverted / Introverted / in between

Disorganised / Organised / in between

Close minded / Open minded  / in between

Calm / Anxious / in between

Disagreeable / Agreeable / in between

Cautious / Reckless / in between

Patient / impatient / in between

Outspoken / Reserved / in between

Leader / follower / in between

Empathetic / Unempathetic / in between

Optimistic / pessimistic / in between

Traditional / modern / in between

Hard working / lazy / in between

Cultured / un-cultured / in between / unknown

Loyal / disloyal / unknown 

Faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS:

Monotheist / polytheist / atheist  / agnostic

Belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an afterlife:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in reincarnation:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in aliens:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no

OPINIONS

Pro-suicide / anti-suicide / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-euthanasia / anti-euthanasia / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-choice / anti-abortion /  doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-murder / anti-murder / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-cannibalism / anti-cannibalism / doesn’t know or on the fence

Left wing / right ring / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence 

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Allosexual / Asexual

Alloromantic / Aromantic

Sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable

Romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

Potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all 

Potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[sxngjac]

bluhq:

with a soft sigh, he was relieved that the other was able to pick up on his light joke, if being able to tell through the atmosphere alone. “sorry, i think i’m funnier than i actually am, until i realize that most the time i shouldn’t have opened my mouth in the first place,” he added with a sheepish chuckle. “i’m glad you’re okay, though. i was a little worried that with how quickly you were trying to catch those that you may had like broken something. or i guess at least scratched it. but again i’m glad you didn’t.” glancing around, trying to see if there were any others in sight he may had missed, it didn’t take long to realize that they were all completely out of sight. or at least he thought before noticing movement underneath the bench, going over to snatch it before it flew away on its own, he walked the one back to the original owner also, taking a glance at this one specifically. it was stunning, without a better choice of words, and the many was temporarily in shock by how detailed it was. “maybe, but you also didn’t choose for the wind to be an ass and blow them all away. that one’s fantastic by the way. did you do all of these?”

“it’s okay, i always open my mouth, whether it’s the wrong or right time. i just... talk all the time. it’s never usually the right thing, either.” song was known for their rambles and inability to shut up at certain times. it’s not that they always wanted attention, it was just their way of venting the thousands of thoughts running through their head at every moment. “yeah, no, i’m okay.” they chuckled, raising their arms to show the other that they were completely fine. song jumped at the sudden movement, at first confused but understanding once he returned with another sheet. “ah, thank you.” they said. “yeah, they’re all mine. most of them are from today but a few of them are just ones from last night that i left in my bag.” they explained, getting a little bashful. 

[sxngjac]

hansvnhwa:

“I HOPE YOU DON’T ME PEEKING AT YOUR WORK EARLIER. They are wonderful and it has been awhile since I have been able to look at anyone’s art that does not have to do with work so it feels nice being able to see the works of someone. Albeit, the way that it had happened was in an odd way.” She giggles as she gives the stack of papers to them, curious to know if they will be drawing more to make up for what they had lost. “Will you still be in the park today? Or will you be heading somewhere else to continue drawing?”

“no, it’s okay.” they waved her off with a smile. “i like people looking at it. nobody is usually that interested. they’re mostly like ‘yeah that’s great’ and move on. but, it’s great when people look of their own accord without me having to ask.” they grinned. “i mean, i hope you like them.” they chuckled, with a tad bit of nerves since everything they had just said would be pointless if the other didn’t actually like the drawings. “uhm, probably staying. i’ve still got a lot of muse that i need to get out.”

[sxngjac]

yanyvs:

“shouldn’t we all?” yana sighed, waving a hand dismissively. “their fries are just too damn good.” as much as she tried to keep up with working out and cooking her own food, she was basically raised on fast food. sometimes, she just can’t help herself. at his question, she pursed her lips, before shrugging. “it seemed like a good idea at the time. plus, i’ve been wanting to wear some new heels i got,” she grinned, shaking her feet under the table for effect. god, she really needs to eat something.

“yeah, definitely. it’s an issue that it’s cheaper and quicker than cooking up a healthy meal.” they shrugged. “i have adhd so i’m always moving and working out, but when i have a lot of fast food it means my body runs out of energy, so it ends up being like my body is begging to move but at the same time it’s too tired so i get really frustrated.” song explained, although finding it difficult to put the sensation into words. song smiled, staring down at her shoes with a nod. “they’re nice, but,” they winced, “are they not painful?”

[museinspo]

“we were almost perfect together.”

— sparklyfearlessgirl, we were almost in love (via wnq-writers)

[sxngjac]

@jovnie

[sxngjac]

jovnie:

he hated this. he hated the awkward silence, the two of them staring at anything but each other. how could two people go from talking endlessly about everything, to not know what to do next? joon understood it must be hard for song to see him, just like it was for joon to see them. there’s a lot of hurt and pain still residing between the two, but he hated losing people he cared about so much. avoiding each other wasn’t going to solve anything though, and if joon could only have them as a friend, then so be it. he was happy now with someone else, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t keep song in his life in some way shape or form. “he is, thank you. he’s a pretty strong guy,” joon softly smiled, his bottom lip sinking between his teeth before he speaks up once more. “actually, um, i was heading to the bakery to get some treats, so…maybe, if you’d wanna tag along? i could get you something, y’know, help you feel a little better about your papers flying everywhere.” he tries to chuckle a little to help break the tension, hoping song would take him up on his offer. 

to be honest, song wanted nothing more than to have joon back in their life again. but, they were scared. even just seeing joon brought back so many bad memories and pain, but also good things at the same time. all that time spent together, loving each other. he was a constant reminder of all the good times, and the fact they had to end. song wasn’t sure they could be friends with the other. they weren’t sure their love for joon would allow them to do so. still, trying was better than nothing. “yeah, he is.” they agreed. “uhm...” a thousand thoughts rushed into their head all at once, but it made their mind go blank at the same time. a few seconds of not knowing what to say, song just blurted out a ‘yes’. “i mean, yeah. sure.” they weren’t sure if this was such a good idea, but it was too late to change their mind now. 

[sxngjac]

imdottie:

Dot had been walking through the park, a shortcut to her apartment building, when she saw the papers begin to fly. She instantly tried to help catch as many as she could. She sort of felt like it was one of those machines where you try to catch as many bills possible. Lucky for her the wind stopped seconds later and the papers slowly settled back down to the ground. She gathered the ones closest to her and stacked them into a neat pile. She hadn’t noticed what was on them until then, and she was left in awe. “Did you draw these?” she asked, handing them back after giving them one last look. 

song grabbed as many of the papers as they could, thanking the earth for stopping the wind for them. they were humbled to see a girl gathering up the papers and helping them out, to which he responded with a smile, approaching her. song became sheepish, grinning with a blush. “yeah. uhm, they’re nothing special, i have some better ones...” they said modestly. honestly, they knew their drawings were pretty damn good, but they rarely admit to the fact. song never wanted to seem as though they were boasting.

[sxngjac]

before a date, do you stalk your date's sns?

“no! i mean, maybe a little but that’s just to give me content to talk about, yknow? anyway, i don’t even go on dates.”

[sxngjac]

Whats your biggest fear?

“not achieving, i guess. i don’t want to go through life having never achieved anything, even if it’s just making someone else’s life a little bit better.”

[sxngjac]

do you remember your first wish on a star? if so what was it, and if not what would you wish for right now?

“i used to wish on every aeroplane i saw, so i can’t remember the first, but i always used to wish to get better. now, i guess i just want to be happy, and for the people i love to be happy, too?”

[sxngjac]

what is something that, even if you're having an awful day, never fails to make you smile?

“flowers. that’s why i work in a flower shop, it makes bad days much less likely to happen.”