Syreskade

mine tanker og mine følelser flyder over engang imellem

[syreskade]

jeg badede i fjorden i forgårs. gik i vandet med alt mit tøj på, fik ondt i maven af grin og kulde. i går så jeg nordlys. de var ikke så tydelige men de var der. jeg går barfodet på græsset i en blomsterkjole og insisterer på at det er sommer. eller sådan næsten i hvert fald. jeg bager chokolademuffins med min veninde og læser en bog udenfor. jeg er begyndt at skrive i dagbog igen. jeg kan mærke forårsglæden boble indeni mig. den er ikke så tydelig som den måske kunne (burde?) være. men den er der.

[syreskade]

jeg sidder og kigger på vandet og mærker solen på mine kinder, og jeg tør næsten ikke tænke tanken, men jeg tror at jeg er glad

[prettypositivity]

let’s normalize letting go of people when the relationships we’re in with them are no longer healthy. not everything is worth fighting for

[syreskade]

damn, hvor ser man folks ægte side efter man slår op. og jeg tænker i virkeligheden at det gælder både i alle slags relationer. det er som om at så snart båndet er brudt og de ikke har nogen forpligtelser mere, så snart de ikke længere selv får noget ud af det, så falder masken bare.

[syreskade]

årh hvor gør alt ondt i dag. føler jeg skal kaste op. men det bliver okay. det skal nok gå. det skal nok gå. det skal nok gå. prøver at give mig selv den tryghed jeg plejer at få fra ham, burde kunne give mig selv den, men det er pisse svært.

[syreskade]

det er svært at give slip. især nu hvor jeg har sagt fra og fjernet mig fra ham, er det svært at huske andet end de gode ting

[syreskade]

slog op med min kæreste (eller nu ekskæreste I guess) i går morges og alt er lidt noget rod

[syreskade]

jeg er stoppet med at update mit pinterest board med kærestebilleder og citater der romantiserer forhold og fælles lejlighed og har i stedet oprettet er nyt album der hedder “New dreams”, der i stedet inspirerer selvstændighed, egen lejlighed og kærlighed til mig selv, og det føles ærligt så godt.

[syreskade]

havde længe planlagt med min kæreste at vi skulle flytte ind sammen i 2021, men så snart det blev til virkelighed sprang han fra. Så har brug for en gevaldig omrokering i både mine planer og mit mindset:)))

[syreskade]

I think it’s about time that I stop romanticizing a relationship that is not serving me and start romanticizing myself again. As an individual. Not as someone’s something.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[syreskade]

jeg er stoppet med at update mit pinterest board med kærestebilleder og citater der romantiserer forhold og fælles lejlighed og har i stedet oprettet er nyt album der hedder “New dreams”, der i stedet inspirerer selvstændighed, egen lejlighed og kærlighed til mig selv, og det føles ærligt så godt.

[yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726]

ppl be like “i’d never do u like that” then do u worse

[tommepladser]

mit hjerte slår ikke i takt med dit men i det mindste slår dit hjerte du er ude af mine hænder jeg holder ikke længere om dig, kun af dig jeg vil vide, hvor du er, hvem du er sammen med tænker du på mig? kom, dans tilbage i mit liv selvom du danser dårligt jeg vil have dans og musik igen jeg vil have nætter med dig igen skyl af orgasmer  og fingerflet og museumsbesøg og familiefrokoster tanken om at komme videre er ubehagelig, utilnærmelig jeg savner at dele det varme vand med dig og de blide kys i hverdagstravlheden det er ikke nemt at være uden dig  min seng er for bred jeg er ensom kunne blive okay igen med dig har en ekstra dyne, der endnu dufter af din nøgne krop savner at sanse dig med alle mine sanser kom, dans tilbage i mit liv du danser ikke dårligt, når du danser med mig 

[magicpvssy]

[justjulyy]

I’ve heard of a lot of people breaking up simple because of not understanding each other. To some people the phrase “big head” is a cute nickname for a crush, to others it’s a traumatic reminder of their childhood bully. To some people saying I love you means nothing without action, and some people have to physical hear the words to believe the action.

[anniespositivity]

You do not have to look beautiful while walking down the streets. You do not have to look beautiful while eating. You do not have to look beautiful while talking. You do not have to look beautiful while laughing. While doing sports. While having sex. While singing. While dancing. You were not born to look beautiful, my love. You are here to enjoy, to feel, to live. There is no point in worrying what you look like when you are doing things you actually enjoy because that joy will be taken away by the fear of not looking good enough. Again, it is not your purpose to look beautiful, darling. Your purpose is to fall in love with life, to laugh until your belly hurts, to express your feelings, to sing from the top of your lungs, to dance as silly as you want to - without worrying about your appearance. For all that matters is that your soul is beautiful and happy.

[child-of-lightning]

I know you won’t check this for a very long time, so now is a good time for me to get some feelings and thoughts out in the open.

I say none of this to offend you or hurt your feelings. I say it because it’s on my mind and it’s better for me to let these things out than bottle them up and explode on you in one fit of rage and hurt. 

Now is the time I begin to lose you. I recognize that I will slowly feel you start to slip away through my fingertips, leaving only the residue of past memories and fantasies on my hands. 

I’ve known I would lose you. Ever since December, the ticking time clock began. The time until you leave. The time I have left to be yours. 

I know, starting now and continuing on, I will be lower on your priority list. I know you will get caught up in the life, the people, the classes, the experience. I don’t say this to upset you. I say it because I am recognizing that it’s true, and inevitable. When we are separated for weeks at a time and you are in a new environment with new surroundings, it’s inevitable. That’s why I’ve spent the summer cherishing the attention, love, and care I’ve gotten from you.

I have tried to take pictures of us every time we go somewhere, or see each other, to document the beautiful memories we made over the summer. Every time I saw you, I held you a little tighter, looked into your eyes a little longer, and paid attention to every detail of your being. I have appreciated the lines in each of your muscles while you lift, move, and hold me. I have appreciated your smile and the way your lips curl up and out when you laugh. I have looked into those shining sea eyes of yours like it’s the end, because I know I will never see anything so beautiful in this life. I have appreciated the words you speak and how you speak them, your inflections, and everything you say. I have held your arms tighter than ever before, because I wanted to soak up all of you that I could while you still loved me most. When you sung to me in the car, I stayed silent even if I loved singing the song because I wanted to appreciate the way your voice sounds when you sing, and the fact that you were singing to me. Just to me. 

I made love to you stronger. I made love to you harder. I looked you in the eyes and felt our bodies and souls interconnected even more intensely than ever before because I needed to soak up as much love as I could. And boy, was it beautiful. Overwhelming, intense, and passionate. I could have left the earth right after those moments and felt perfectly content. It hurts so much to know that could be gone. 

I learned to refrain from talking about my own life as much. I wouldn’t ever want to take away from the excitement and new life you were about to embark on, so I began sharing less and less to you. Again, I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings, so don’t put the blame on yourself for this. I didn’t want to take away from anything you were experiencing. 

I saw myself lose you in bits and pieces among these past few months. I saw your excitement shift from me to this new journey. Which is great, and you should be expected to be going through those changes. Don’t let yourself put me first. However, it still broke me just the same. As you began checking your email every hour during the weeks before leaving, spending your time preparing and becoming more and more interested in the life you were about to have, inquiring less about my upcoming second-year journey, I saw myself losing you. 

It’s okay, really. I don’t know how or why I should have expected to stay among the highest of importance to you when you have such a great new thing coming. And when you have loved this new thing before it even became official. I would love for us to get past this, to make it, but four years is a very long time. You always say I should be honest with you, so here’s me being honest. I don’t know how we’re going to do it. Believe me, I want to make it, more than anything, I just don’t know if that is a feasible request and reasonable thought to have. For now, I will keep living in the fantasy, and trusting you completely, but you have to understand that the past several months for me have been filled with appreciation and with realization that what we might have, which is wonderful, beautiful, and rare, could come to an end soon. 

I love you more than anything, and I hope I’m wrong. 

8.13.20. nothing more to say or do

[framelding-deactivated20210208]

du bekræfter bare at du er alt jeg håbede på at du ikke var