tear us apart @t4tu - Tumblr Blog

feeling ugly is soooooo annoying. literally who cares. who fucking cares. go read an article. go vacuum the floors. france is expanding its nuclear arsenal. we have bigger fish to fry!!!!!

the white age

i could have told you yesterday, that´s true, i do accept criticism when it's valid, even if you disagree, but it´s all this white that is making me dizzy and also so so conscious and no, it´s not your mom´s frown, we´ve grew past that, we grew past so much so this mess probably weights heavier now and so do i, i feel heavier and i'm sinking too, but if not now when? i feel so old to be denying us of all this, all this façade, all the kisses and the cake, the whitest fucking cake, but i also feel so so young, young enough to start again, to not be allowed to drink, young enough to believe someday you'll forgive me, young enough to survive even if you don´t...

young enough to taste my childhood dripping from my lips to my neck, reaching my shoulder and my arm, melting on my finger into a golden ring i´ve never wished to wear.

it all feels blinding and wrong and i told you my dress was too puffy, how many times have i told you that? i ask even if i know the answer, i told you but you didn´t listen, probably chuckling at some of her tasteless jokes and she is here right now, i know you know, and she looks young and light, and she looks at my ring finger like she always does, and it´s our day and she shouldn´t look so bright, so fucking white, maybe my dress fits her?, and she looks at me like i´m spiraling and maybe i am but she loves you and you love her and i´m old enough to ruin a love story with a marriage so i beg you, please, let me be light again. i need to be young and i need to take off this dress and i need you to know love has already find you and it´s not me, i promise you it´s not me, and it´s true that i could have told you yesterday but i still think you should thank me for saving your tomorrow.

pfft

badly placed nostalgia takes me to the way she occasionally shit talks hurricanes with my signature, explosions with the smell of that old perfume, the one i don't use anymore - jokes slipping through corners of mouths, all sarcasm no mercy - and you step up to my defense, all white knighted honor, but only occasionally, but you still kiss her to sleep and maybe you taste the insult and maybe the sourness takes place on your teeth and you mock me too and you hate me too and you forget me too but maybe maybe maybe you spit them out, you cough them away from your flowered lungs, from your well read blood, and as they slip through your poetic tongue on their way out maybe maybe maybe you remember caresses from my fingers and kisses to rusty rings, never touching skin, and maybe maybe maybe you remember me too and maybe maybe you love me too and maybe you forgive me too, just as i did.

by arica_aki

smoke

i smell your smile in the smoke. it kisses your love inside my mouth and as i climb the highest tree, crippled as all the others, as me, you scrape my knees with your delicate nails. the blood running down my legs is melted salvation.

i let it run, red beats grey, beats dead, beats alone.

i reach the stars so i can reach you and surrounded by silence i hope you touch me like you once did.

you never really did.

i’m the only one who knows you existed or was i reaching parallel universes with tremble fingers, unsure hands, sure to deserve a love that was never meant to be mine? letting my heart break new paths, begging for my mind’s hands, let me hold you, just this once let me guide you, us, home.

there never was a home. in this world of strangers, crushed by languages i can’t speak, in nations i don’t belong, home is what i set fire to. home is the burning pain of goodbye, home is the blister of learning to let go.

home is ashes and as it burns down, i smell your smile in the smoke.