#!sp

[chaosburning]

                                                             the storm came.                                                        lives were washed away.                                                       ancient pains resurfaced.                                                now it is time for a sea of change.

                            alexis vaughn   |   fandomless oc   |   mythology inspiration   |   ©

[crdamn]

001: Purpose

His hands run over the soft leather cover of the book on his lap. The greenish glow coming from the windows in the common room is comforting. He sighs as he unties the leather string keeping the book closed and flips it open to the silky string marking the page he had stopped at last time. His handwriting covers all the previous pages. He leans back against the armrest of the armchair he is currently sitting in, legs up and bent so the book journal can rest against his thighs. He grabs his favorite fountain pen, and hesitates a few seconds before pressing the tip against the paper.

March 2018, day 21

They found the creature. Teachers and older students were asked to fight, to help capture it, and yet I remained here, in the safety of the Slytherin dungeon. I am not the kind to put myself in danger unnecessarily. I prefer to follow instructions if they are meeting my best interest. Although I can’t help but wonder, is that cowardly of me? Mother, father, what would you have done if you had been in my position?

I imagine you would have helped the injured students at the infirmary with your plants, mother. Father would have probably been at the frontline, fighting. I chose to stay here, to keep an eye on the younger ones, to reassure them if needed. Was it a good decision? Maybe they don’t really need this kind of help. Aish, I don’t know…

He stops writing, tucking his pen between the pages before closing his journal and running his hands through his hair out of sheer frustration. He thinks about all the students and teachers who are currently out there, fighting, and he thinks about the students at the infirmary, the ones who had suffered from sudden attacks and were slowly recovering. His mind wanders, remembering how he kept looking for a familiar tall silhouette the last couple of days, whenever he was having meals in the great hall, hoping to find the student back on his feet and okay. He had not dared go back to the infirmary to check if he was still there or if he had been allowed to leave already. Useless, he was useless. But it had been his choice not to fight. He’s in the middle of debating, again, whether it was the right decision or not when he hears light footsteps and he cranes his neck until he sees a younger student in her nightgown, clutching a stuffed animal to her chest.

She quietly walks up to him and sits down in the armchair next to his. She sniffles and quickly brings her hand up to press her palm against her cheek. Damien immediately sets his journal aside and unfurls himself from his armchair, standing up and walking over to her. “Here,” he tells her softly, handing her some tissues, which he had stuffed in his pockets earlier because you never know when you might need to use some. She glances up at him and mutters a soft ‘thank you’ before taking one and wiping her cheeks with it. “Are you alright?” he asks her, even though it is obvious that she isn’t. She shakes her head. “I just…I can’t sleep,” she admits, now fiddling with the stuffed animal on her lap. Damien nods. Given the current events, he isn’t too surprised.

He’s about to say something when another student shows up in the common room, hair a total mess and pillow marks imprinted on his cheek. His eyes are wide, and Damien thinks he sees him shaking a little. The boy sees them, hesitates and then heads in their direction. “Can I…can I sit with you?” he asks and the girl nods as Damien motions to go right ahead. Silence settles over the room for a few seconds before Damien decides to break it. “Alright, I’ll be right back,” he announces, turning to grab his abandoned journal. He returns to his dorm room, tossing the journal on his bed before rummaging around in his things as quietly as he could.

When he returns to the common room, the two younger students are quietly talking together although they stop when they notice him. Damien sets the tray he had been carrying down and then moves to hand a warm mug to the boy and another to the girl. “It’s warm milk,” he says, grabbing the last mug for himself and returning to his armchair. They glance down at their mugs and then at him. He arches an eyebrow at them before taking a sip. That seems to reassure them enough and they start drinking as well. It’s quiet again for a few minutes and he simply enjoys the silence, keeping an eye on the other two.

So maybe he isn’t out there fighting the big fight, but perhaps, in his own little way, he is helping.

[ravseokjin]

> ; hc

"don't misunderstand. I didn't come on purpose" Jin spoke, slowly, word by word. He willed to thread his words carefully when he's around his biological brother. Jin knew he hated him, but he can't find it in himself to give his older brother the same treatment. To Jin, he was the same brother he'd spent his younger days with ; the older brother who would always be there when he cried because of something small. The older brother who swore to protect him.

"have you ever done anything on purpose?" His brother, Seokmin, replied back. He stared at the ravenclaw with a stare that could burn holes through Jin's face.  "you never know anything. you dont do anything on purpose but look carefully at what happens when you do things rashly without knowing the consequences of your actions"

He could feel the tickling of the tears wanting to escape from the back of his eyes. "everything you say is correct. but why do i feel like its unfair?" The ravenclaw retorted, his voice raising slightly in a challenging manner. "even if i dont know anything, or dont do anything what am i supposed to do when my existence bohers you?"

[gonnabehard]

kim jongin: hogwarts graduate of 2014

mentions of Ravenclaws Seolhyun, Luna

Slytherin's taehyung,

Hufflepuff's baekhyun & sehun

and Gryffindor's Chen, Kyungsoo and Lay

Graduation.

In just one more day,  Jongin was bound to graduate and leave the castle. He was almost done packing everything for his trip to return home, but then decided to take a stroll  around the school that has been his home for the majority of the last 7 years.

His first stop was the courtyard. He took time to memorize every corner of the small opening, smiling as his mind replayed events that had happened here the past years.  For instance by the one eyed witch statue,  he remembered how Taehyung and him once dug around to search for the legendary tunnel that leads to the candy shop in Hogsmeade but to no avail. They concluded that the school staff must have covered it properly ever since the past generation of Hogwarts students discovered it.

Then there’s that huge tree by the corner of the courtyard who’s leaves served as a perfect umbrella for students who chose to rest beneath them. He remembers how much he liked sitting on one of the big branches of the tree and suprising people who sat below it with his random sentences. Like the ravenclaw named Park Sunyoung. Or I think she was more known by her other name,  Luna.

He sees students running around hugging each other, girls in tears as they talk about what’s next for them after Hogwarts. Jongin can’t be bothered with that at the moment, he just knows he’s going  wherever Sehun goes. They both love dancing more than their life, so he was pretty sure that he’d  agree to wherever it may be.

His next stop was outside of the Hufflepuff basement. His palm automatically meets his face as the image of him and Baekhyun on the ground pops up to the place where they fought.  That was stupid of him. So so stupid ; but then again, can you really blame him for attacking Baekhyun like that? Baekhyun was mocking him. Jongin was never good with responding in any other way than violence whenever it came to that. He tried to distract himself from the event that occurs after that ; him hitting Seolhyun with the sectum sempra spell. The smile on his face faltered at that thought and he retreated away from the place immediately. He didn’t need those kinds of memories right now.

While running aimlessly away from the Hufflepuff basement, he realized his feet had brought him to the music room. He loved it here. When things got rough, he would always, no doubt, come here. The music room was always empty whenever he decided to visit it, except for that one time when he met a Gryffindor named Lay. He remembered how he stopped in awe, jaw dropping slightly as he watched him move around the room flawlessly. And from then on, they became good friends. It was such a pity how he never got to introducing him and Sehun. But Hogwarts was small, he’s pretty sure his best friend and Lay had met each other one way or another.

Jongin stepped further, standing on his usual spot in the middle of the room. He looked up and smiled at his reflection in the mirror. “You actually did it, Kim Jongin” He spoke, his voice deep and solemn. “You actually graduated”

He unsheathes his wand from it’s usual spot in his pants before he flicked it into the air, muttering a silent spell that brings a song, with a hip hop beat alive from the speakers. He did his best to do no mistake as he moved to the song with the choreography he made for himself a few years ago. As he does his finishing move, Jongin smirks at his reflection once again. “Just as usual, you’re too perfect”

Time was steadily moving and somehow it was  way too fast for Jongin’s liking. Dusk came and he decided to go back to the Gryffindor tower. The last and the first place he wanted to be at the moment. He had way too much memories just sitting at the couch by the fire place. From paying the smarter kids to do his homework to just sitting there with his cat on his lap as he looks at the kindling fire.

He made his way up the flight of stairs that lead to the male dormitory rooms. He stood in front of his door and sucked in a huge breath before he opened it. He wondered where Kyungsoo was when he saw that no one was inside. For some reason, though, he kind of likes the silence. Just for today.

With a swing of his wand, he watches as his clothes pack themselves neatly into his trunk. It pained him, as his eyes linger around the perimeter of the dorm room he’s spent the last 7 years sleeping in. He remembered how he hated this place initially because Sehun was assigned to a different room. Now look where he is ; he’s feeling so hesitant to leave because this place had grown so much on him.

He moves towards the desk by his bed, smiling at the small scribbles he sees engraved on the wooden structure. Most of which were by him, reminding him of certain events that he shouldn’t miss.  Right where his books were neatly stacked, a note that reads “Fucking close the door so your cat doesn’t get away” is pinned up against the wall. He remembers who wrote it so vividly. Kim Jongdae. Jongin remembers how he had gotten mad at him so many times because he’d return to his room to find that his cat, Kaisoo, had gotten out — and ofcourse, without hesitation, he blames Kim Jongdae for it. He rips the note from the wall and places it on a blue box. A box that contained pretty much every single thing from his first to seven years in Hogwarts that he thinks is far too precious to throw away.

A creak of the door signaled Jongin that he wasn’t alone and a smile curved at the corner of his lips upon seeing who just entered. “Hi” He greeted, moving towards his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around his waist before he pulled their bodies closer. Kyungsoo replied with a sleepy smile before he brought his head to rest on Jongin’s chest. Jongin knew what was going on inside Kyungsoo’s mind. Every person who once said they hated Hogwarts were all thinking the same thing ; that they don’t want to leave.

But he knew there was more to it to Kyungsoo. Leaving Hogwarts meant no more living together.  Leaving Hogwarts meant no more waking up next to each other. He pulled away and trapped Kyungsoo’s chin in between his fingers before he tipped it up so his head would tilt up. Jongin flashed him a smile before he moved to press their lips together in a soft but long kiss. He hoped it’ll take the worries off Kyungsoo. He hoped it’d remind him of the plans that they made long ago.

Let’s not cry because it’s finished,  Let’s smile because it’s a new beginning.

[kaidors]

【 ❝ where are the rainbows? 】 || SELF

Outside the window, a car comes to life, rough and loud, then fades away into the distance. It slips off as it arrived, unnoticed. The room seems to be spinning in slow, lopsided circles and Jongin wonders if he might lout. He leans forward and clutches the desk with one hand. The other still holds the cookies the house maid had offered them earlier. He  recalls it had  a pretty design on top of it, but now it ‘s been reduced to crumbs in his fist. He wonders if he had chosen the right thing -- if staying in Hogwarts until the year ends instead of leaving for America right then was a wise choice. 

                                                ➜ ➜ ➜ 

Jongin had always liked staying in Hogwarts during the holiday break. Less people to pretend to smile at because he honestly despised putting up a facade as he greets someone. It just adds to the weight in his chest. He places his suitcase by the entrance before he continues to walk further into the castle. The hallways were a lot colder than he remembered they were last winter. At the intersection where he's supposed to turn for his houses' common room, Jongin goes the other way to head for the astronomy tower. He reckoned it was better to clear his thoughts before meeting his friends again. 

The Gryffindor dug around his jeans' pocket before he pulls out a small box of cigarette and a lighter. He hesitated but brought the stick to his lips. The first inhale burned. It had been a long time since he last resorted to smoking. He takes another drag and lets out a puff of smoke through his nose as his eyes focus on some point in the horizon. He was at lost for what he should do. Tell the truth? or hide it until the day itself. both options had their perks and disadvantage. Think, Jongin. Think.

[smxjongin]

➠ 『 I WOULD 』 ▯▮▯ ✕✕✕

Jongin has always been into song writing. It was a perfect match for his guitar skills.  for the past few released songs of S&M he'd lend his help to the song writer as much as he can. There was one particular song, though, that he wrote and recorded by himself. No one knew of it. and It had been a long time since he wrote it, he didn't even remember it until he saw the music sheet as he rummaged through his files the other day. 

Memories flashed through his mind as his eyes sifted through every word on the sheet. That one time He would teach him how to sing because everyone knew He has always been much better with singing than Jongin could ever be. The times they'd be so focused with song making and the glances and small smiles they would throw at each other when their eyes meet. Coffee stains could be seen across the paper, but it wasn't thick enough to cover words and notes. Jongin allowed himself a smile - a sad one and he thinks 'How was I able to write these?'

Jongin grabbed the music sheet from his files and walked over to the grand piano that stood on one corner of the piano. He was never good in piano, but he was good enough to know how to play his own songs. The painful melody of the combined notes had triggered something at the back of his mind and he had the urge to cry but he knew better than to. When it was his cue to sing, Jongin opens his mouth and sings in his deep voice.

Nothing has ever broken me like you did No one I ever wanted more than you Nobody else can make a man so weak Make him fall in love so deep Baby

No one has ever known me like you did There’s just no other girl to see me through And every single memory I know Reminds me that I’m all alone, all alone

* If I could just get over you I would Don’t wanna love you anymore And missing you is like fighting a war It’s a battle I’m losing And I’d give up girl if I could If I could walk away as easily as you I Would

Thought I’ve seen enough to know it all But not enough to know how it feels to fall But the kind of pain you left me with It never seems to heal And it never lets me go

Tell me how do I live with tainted love? Tell me how can I feel no feelings? Is there a way to leave it all behind?

** If I could just get over you I would Don’t wanna love you anymore And missing you is like fighting a war It’s a battle I’m losing And I’d give up girl if I could Just tell me how to walk away Away from loving you And I Would

He messes up half way into the song and he stops himself from playing, his fingers still pressed onto the notes on the piano and it makes a sound of protest but all jongin could do was stare at the sheet in front of him. He hated feeling like this. He grabbed the sheet and tore it in half, to little bits and he let the little pieces fly across the room.

 It was time to move on.