TIMING: Current SETTING: Oldtown PARTIES: Lil @the-lil-exorcist & Rosemary @necrosemancy WARNINGS: unsanitary tw (mold/rot) SUMMARY: Lil is on a mission to get rid of some demonic dust bunnies on Rosemary's block, and the witch offers to lend a hand.
Lil was fairly certain most cleaning jobs - where dirt and debris was involved at the very least - very rarely needed an exorcist. However, it would do good for her to remember that it wasn’t ever zero, and with a groan she had gotten up earlier having realized that there were more than their fair share in an abandoned house in Old Town. Normally Lil might not have done the job - it wasn’t exactly super dangerous - but she had neglected to do it a few years ago in a house her mom had pointed out and it had gotten awful and had started to spread to the nearby houses.
So, every spring Lil packed herself up and did a round of spring cleaning to stop the horrific sight of a full house filled with the things. If she did it at the start of spring she usually didn’t have to think about it for awhile, and as a bonus she could check the recently abandoned places for ghosts.
Still, Lil hadn’t quite realized what street she’d be starting on when she saw Rosemary and realized that she was in her own hazmat-like suit and how much of an odd duck the woman had seen her yet again (she had never wanted to get the dust on her - but over the years and probably with spite from the demon dust bunnies had become allergic to the dust and she really didn’t want to buy anymore allergy medication). “Oh uh Hi Rosemary. I am not breaking in this time, the city let me go in.”
Well, they probably would have if Lil had told them about the lurking dust filled with decay and allergens. Lil was pretty sure of that. “Are you allergic to dust by chance?”
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Spring had finally sprung. As the sun’s rays stretched further into the evening, so too did Rosemary’s hopes that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright again. It certainly seemed like things were starting to turn a corner again. She tried not to think about all that had happened the last few times life seemed to be dealing its cards in her favor. For a moment, the dirt that clung to her gardening gloves looked more to her like blood than it did mud. She closed her eyes and counted in her head, breathing in the lilac scented air before heaving it out in one long sigh.
She kept her eyes closed for a moment, until a soft quack sounded out from beside her. She opened one eye a crack, a grin slowly clearing away the clouds that had gathered on her face. “Yeah, yeah, okay.” The witch rolled her eyes affectionately at the duckling, as she took off the gloves and let them drop onto her crocus covered lawn. Rosemary pushed herself to her feet, stretching her arms up high over her head, when something caught her eye.
Someone was heading into the abandoned old house across the way. Someone in a hazmat suit. Someone she recognized. “Lil?” The witch moved closer to the street, duckling in toe behind her. “Um… No? Not that I know of. Why?”
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“What Cheryl down at city hall said if no one lives there it’s probably fine to go in,” Lil countered. Since Cheryl did a lot of the administrative work there, she figured that she couldn’t be all wrong. Still, it was probably a flimsy excuse even in a town like this one. “Yes it is I Lil.” She said striking a kind of pose in the hazmat suit. It wasn’t usually necessary - if she wasn’t so allergic to dust as of late she wouldn’t have bothered with it.
“Well, the building next door is full of - I forget the right name for them. I just call them demon dust bunnies.” Even if she wasn’t much of a demonologist at this point, she could feel the unease even the small creatures had. It wasn’t as loud to her as it had been - by design she’d been avoiding demons - but they were small enough it wasn’t going to cause problems. “And that’s good. They really ruin my afternoon with the sneezing. I’m assuming you haven’t seen them in your house. They are the size of about a small dog like - this big,” Lil said putting her hands about a foot apart. “Kinda looks like a dustball with eyes. If you do get them you need to call me.”
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Rosemary let out a spectacularly unladylike snort as Lil posed in the suit like she was Wonder Woman. “I’m so sorry, but you look like you’re about to call a code twenty three nineteen.” The witch pressed her fingers to her lips in an attempt to smother the giggles that were fighting their way out of her chest.
The witch blinked, trying to conceptualize a sentient dust bunny from hell that was bigger than her pet duck. “Well. Hate that.” Rosemary huffed. Donald quacked in what the woman assumed was agreement. “No— thankfully I’ve not seen any demon dust bunnies. The biggest things I’ve got scurrying around are this little guy, a crow, and sometimes my friend’s salamander. I’m assuming if I keep the house clean— which, I do, for the record— there won’t be any risk of invasion?” She asked. “If you’re allergic, why are you going in? Don’t you have like… I don’t know, an exorcist’s assistant or something? Or at least a Claritin?”
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Lil laughed at the idea, “Yeah that’s me working on the scare floor. Hopefully there’s no socks on my back” Lil thought maybe Monster’s inc wasn’t so different then her job if you really thought about it. After all, she was pretty sure some demons found her scary - not the ones she wanted to find her scary but that wasn’t the point. “Fair enough, I just hate getting all dusty.”
“They aren’t super mean or anything they just - you know spread like bunnies would,” In a fairer world Lil probably wouldn’t mind the guys at all except for “they can make people pretty sick if you let them live with you though. They make places musty and you can get - weird illnesses.” At the idea Lil shrugged. “I would think keeping your place clean would keep them away mostly, but they aren’t pleasant if they're around anyway. Kinda one of those where it spreads - Oh that’s a cute duck.” Lil said distracted for a second, finally seeing the duck. He didn’t look like he’d make Lil sneeze and cough.
At the question Lil shrugged, “Uh no assistant and it’s kinda one of those you do it for the good of the neighborhood. And don’t you worry I have Claritin for when I get home.” She probably could have gotten Jonas to help, but if both of them were sneezing it wouldn’t be great. Besides, she only had one suit.
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“No socks that I’m seeing, so you’re safe. For now.” The witch nodded slowly as the exorcist explained the finer details of demonic dust bunnies. Rosemary could have laughed— no matter how much of the world she thought she understood, there always seemed to be at least one more magical oddity for her to learn about.
The witch grinned as Donald drew Lil’s attention. “Yeah, this is Donald. He’s my buddy.” She scooped up the duckling, who quacked happily. Rosemary brought him closer, so the other woman could see. The duckling’s feet paddled through the air, and his tail feathers wriggled as he looked at the hazmat suit bedecked woman curiously. “I mean, yeah I get that.” She said slowly. “But still, I feel like when you’re throwing demon into the descriptor mix, an assistant might not be the worst thing in the world. Do you want a hand? I’ve got enough salt in my house to last a lifetime. I’m assuming salt works with demons— I don’t really have much experience.”
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The corner of Lil’s mouth quirked up at the thought. Jonas loved older Disney movies, but he probably would watch Monsters INC with her again if she asked. She might have to tap him in tonight as she was absolutely going to be sniffling on the couch for a while. At the name of the duck Lil barked out a laugh, “Oh boy. You just need Daisy then and you’d have a collection.” She said looking down at the bird. She was always pretty fond of animals, and a Duck named Donald would fall on that list.
At the idea of help Lil hesitated, not because she didn’t think Rosemary could help her - she’d proven herself more than capable before - but because it wasn’t exactly pleasant. “I mean if you want to see them out of curiosity, sure. And no salt won’t do anything I don’t think. What I was going to do was vacuum them up and release them into the woods far away from houses.” Lil ought to get rid of them permanently. She knew how to do it, it wasn’t exactly hard and they used their tongues to get out of the vacuum eventually which was always a potential to be a pain - but there was still a soft spot in her heart for the little demons.They were hardly capable of sentience and if she had spent a lot of time in a tree to make sure a worm didn’t die she could spend a couple of hours relocating them. After all, they didn’t seem as malicious as an unfortunate bi-product of a world not well suited. “I then just have to clean the house really. They aren’t like high level demons and if I put them far enough away they won’t bother coming back. But no salt really only works for ghosts.”
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Donald quacked— whether in agreement, or determination to remain an only child, the witch wasn’t entirely certain. But Rosemary nodded at him like she understood. “I found him on his own, but if I run across any more orphaned ducklings, I have Daisy as one of the top contenders for a name.”
The witch let out a little surprised hum. “Salt’s a bust. The more you know, I suppose.” But she did have a vacuum. “I’m on a spring cleaning kick anyway, and I’ve already organized everything in my house I could possibly think of. And vacuuming a few sentient dust bunnies would get me out of the sun for a bit.” She wriggled her eyebrows as she set the duckling back down on the grass, where he promptly sat atop her foot. “I can grab my vacuum. And you don’t have to worry about me going ohmygod what the fuck is that thing… you can get out the of allergy hell a little bit faster, and I don’t need to worry about dust demons deciding to skeddadle across the street to give me a hard time. It’s a win win. ”
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“Fair enough. I think my brother’s chickens would be pretty mad if I just brought home more without consulting them.” Lil chuckled. They already had quite a good amount of animals back home, which might be surprising if you didn’t know the Ballards. Still, Lil was more focused on her black cat since she had brought her in.
Lil thought about it, and figured that it would be nice to have someone around as she dealt with the demon dust bunnies. They weren’t that scary to where she would think that the other would mind - after all the ghost business at her work had been objectively weirder and she seemed smart and capable. “You know what. What the hell. Thank you it’ll make it go a little quicker. I’ll just grab you a respirator too.” It wasn’t that Lil was too worried that the exposure would hurt Rosemary - she wouldn’t have let her come if she really thought it- but they could make you sick if you stuck around too long and having clean air was always better.
Without fanfare she went to her car to grab the other respirator. Lil had to make sure that the filter had been changed as she looked again to see if she had everything she needed. “Just uh - watch out for their tongues. They like to lick dust I think and they are kinda scratchy.”
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“Chickens,” She gave an approving nod. She wasn’t sure where chickens stood on the bird rankings, but they had to rate higher than seagulls. “Gotta make sure the hens are all on the same page.” The witch’s face broke into a wide grin when Lil acquiesced. “C’mon Donald, back inside honey.” Rosemary ran back inside to grab her vacuum, the ducklings little webbed feet making her laugh as she heard them frantically plapping against the hardwood floor as he chased after her. She set him up with some water and peas, before running back outside armed with her Hoover.
“No problem— I love weird shit. Demonic dust bunnies definitely fall into that category.” Her voice was muffled from behind the respirator, but the smile on her face was evident. “What, like a cat tongue?” Rosemary asked, heading over to the empty property. “You know what you should do- you should get a roomba, and decorate it. Exorcist’s assistant. Bam. Problem solved.”
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Lil snorted at the idea that demonic dust bunnies were weird. She had to guess for a lot of people, and it was for sure part of the culture shock she had when she had left the town. It was probably good that most people didn’t know about the fluffy albeit sickening dust clouds with eyes and a tongue. Most people probably wouldn’t be grinning about going in with a respirator to deal with them.
But that was also a great bit about the town. Rosemary was fully willing to see them and not be horrified. “Yeah like a cat tongue.” Lil said thinking about Luna and how they were kind of scratchy. At the idea of a little robot Lil snorted at the thought. “You know - I’ll have to try that. I do think they could probably get out of roombas though.” She didn’t think they could haunt them or possess them - but honestly who knew. Studying how demons work was way above her paygrade even when she had been a demonologist.
Entering the house she could sense the little poofs of dust and malice. It wasn’t strong - but it was like an itch she couldn’t get away from. Demons were like that, unlike ghosts that felt sad and lost demons knew that they should be here - they demanded to be here in a way that only the most confident of a species could. “Yeah there’s a little colony. Follow me,” Lil said moving through the breaking down house.
Lil spent more time than she thought most people did in decaying buildings, then again a haunted house wasn’t so different then a ghost. Even so, there was something tragic in the way that the house couldn’t decay naturally. Demons weren’t like worms, they didn’t break something down to enrich the soil. They fed and fed and they left nothing for the natural cycle. If normal predators were a part of a food chain - if they eventually returned to dust as well as their prey did - demons were a parasite sucking the matter out. They didn’t give back to the earth - hell even a ghost had a body at some point that if nothing else fed the earth as it faded.
Even though Lil felt pity for the creatures when they were small - and couldn’t in this case bear to kill the dust bunnies - it didn’t change the fact that it was a human instinct to empathize that most of the demons she encountered wouldn’t even fake. It was her own failing, and her own humanity. She was projecting something onto them that they would not project onto her.
Tip toeing Lil found the dust bunnies huddled around a damp patch where water had collected and dust and mold clung to the walls. The air felt sickly and full of dust and spores that made the bit of her that was still just a scared human want to scream and run away about bad air. There’s an instinct in most people to see something so close to decay and run, but as soon as she felt that she squashed it. Instead she looked at the swirling barely formed creatures and calmed herself. They were eating, they didn’t see them and she wanted to get this done before she started to sneeze.
Still Lil looked at Rosemary and nodded. “Count of three? I’ll go left you go right?”
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Rosemary hadn’t been fully certain what she’d been expecting to find in the dilapidated old residence. The cobwebs and mold that covered seemingly every surface made perfect sense, but the actual demons did not. They were kind of… cute, in a vaguely unholy way. She let out a soft aw as she saw the puff balls for the first time. Part of her wanted to ask if there was a chance they could be domesticated, but based on the exorcist’s description of what they considered a habitat, she wasn’t all that interested.
“Yeah, works for me,” the witch had her finger on the power button, ready to suck down some dust devils with her vacuum. “One… two…” Rosemary glanced over at Lil at the last second, before running down the clock. “Three!” Her vacuum roared to life, and the witch made a beeline for the fuzzy little devils.
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Lil moved swiftly, getting the first of the demons sucked up before they could quite scatter. The air was full of - well dust and debris. She had a sneaking suspicion when history said a place had miasma; this was what they had meant as she tried not to cough, sucking the dust up. It smelled diseased and moldy - not something anyone would want to have in their house. Which really did make sense as she looked around sucking up the little devils.
It wasn’t too hard. The dust was cornered and while they could make you sick, they really didn’t try to fight back in a traditional way instead trying to scurry away. The vacuum Lil held though was pretty strong for a cordless one and swept over the poofs of dust well sucking them in with a high pitched whirring sound.
Lil couldn’t help the cough, eventually coughing through the respirator. “God, that smell is so musty. I think we got them all though.” She said looking around as she heard the gentle scraps of their tongues on the side of the vacuum bag. “You okay?”
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The demons scattered in every direction as the witch came at them with the vacuum cleaner. They scurried around at her feet, and one by one, they were sucked up into the vacuum with a cartoonish thwump. A few of them clung to her feet as she took care of the bigger groups of them, their sandpaper tongues snagging on her socks, but soon enough they vanished into the vacuum cleaner.
The vacuum’s high pitched whine wound down as Rosemary turned the machine off. “All good here!” She sneezed, shaking her head. “God, maybe I should have taken a Claritin,” Laughter echoed through the empty old house as she packed up the vacuum. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Patty from the HOA calls the cops on us for breaking and entering or something.”