Trying to make sense of Finn was like trying to make sense of the universe – impossible. You could try of course and come up with a few satisfactory answers, but in the end, there were more questions than answers. Sean was content with not having answered any of his. Feeling Sean’s hands on his face, his body pressed against his own, hearing his voice, was all he needed. Or maybe it wasn’t; logically he knew this had to be real. He couldn’t see him, hear him, feel him and if Finn wouldn’t be here. Could he? After 7 years there was no way his memories of the man could be so.. prominent. Could they? Yet, when Finn spoke for the second time, Sean stared at his lips as they opened and closed again, watched his tongue move, concentrated on the black line going down his chin and the Septum that was still in place. He concentrated on his smell, sweat and weed and – Finn.
“You’re here.” His voice came out as a hoarse mumble, but he knew Finn would understand. “Finn.” It felt strange saying his name out loud standing in front of him after almost a decade. He’d said it many times over the years, sometimes to himself, sometimes while talking to Daniel. He couldn’t remember the last time that he called Finn, though, said his name as a greeting or a farewell. Suddenly, Sean felt like his 16-year-old self again, watching himself across the room, wondering when his voice got so low, painfully aware of his black eye and his scars and tattoos and beard and god, how had time passed so quickly?
“How?” He felt stupid, not able to form a proper sentence and with his tears streaming down his face although he had stopped sobbing minutes ago. Was it minutes ago? How much time had passed? He could have been staring at Finn for years and wouldn’t have noticed. The sunset was still soaking the room in warm colors, so it couldn’t be hours. As he watched the orange light dance across the pale boy’s face – still so fair, Sean felt a sudden urge to reach out and trace his fingertips along the skin underneath his eyes – he realized how much time had passed, and what that meant. Sean had never given up waiting for Finn. He just eventually stopped expecting him to walk in one day. 7 years did that to you. Obviously, Finn hadn’t given up searching for Sean – but that didn’t mean anything. Sean didn’t have the right to assume that what they did was based on the same longing. Which was why he slowly unwrapped himself from the dread-head to take a step back, gently but firmly pulling his face away from the touch of his hands.
