#>a mockingbird

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all im feeling up to is one-liners so like for a one-liner

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there’s another video of markiplier doing five nights at fuckboys thank god

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today i just feel very very hollow and achey like im physically hurting. there usually isn’t a reason for my depression acting up (past being upset about college classes), but i tend to talk myself into being more sad.

ever since i’ve started this rp blog and gotten invested in tommy, i tend to focus on him when im sad because idk? that’s easier? or something?

anyways now im just very :( because im thinking about how i feel and how tommy feels this way all the time about bruce. other people too depending on verse. it’s upsetting because, as mad as i get at my own muse, he’s constantly hurting. he’s constantly pining over the past, over people, and for anything to fix it. he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, so he has these unhealthy behaviors, and he confuses himself half the time because he doesn’t have the tools other people have to tell him right from wrong. he confuses himself because even if he does know that, vaguely, something is wrong, he doesn’t really understand it, and he’s so desperate to ease his own pain that he stops thinking about others. by the time he really comprehends that he’s wrong, if he does at all, he ends up regretting it and feeling stupid because he doesn’t understand these concepts immediately. not to mention when he’s manic, he ends up making these decisions much more impulsively, and that just makes it so much worse. it’s almost always too late to help, too, so he just feels guilty and unable to fix anything and hopeless.

it makes him feel helpless and out of control, and that reminds him of his childhood, and so it can be infuriating and/or depressing, among other things. he feels like a lost cause that can’t do anything right or be helped. sometimes he tries to own it, not be  saddened by it, and it inspires more manic phases and terrible actions, and then he just feels worse.

i like how i was gonna make a post about myself and things bothering me and it turned into me ranting about tommy 8( i’ll proably make another for me

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fatehaschosen submitted:

Okay but pls let me explain you a thing, friendo, because I saw that you reblogged the BPD Awareness Month post and mentioned you thought Tommy could have it, but that you didn’t know enough.

*slams down a variety of books and steeples fingers*

Looking at the whole picture objectively, Tommy as you play him would actually make an extremely compelling case for classical Borderline Personality Disorder. Better than Harvey, even, because Harvey’s introverted personality and comorbid disorders give him some varying symptoms and prevent others from manifesting. Tommy, though…

BPD, first of all, is very likely to result from childhood abuse and neglect, particularly if it occurs from an early age, because children in those situations develop maladaptive bonding mechanisms and means of relating to other people. The way BPD typically manifests later in life is in erratic mood swings, extreme emotional reactions to comparatively minor stimuli (feeling rage instead of irritation, despair instead of melancholy, etc.), and a phenomenon called “splitting”, which causes the person in question to see things in oscillating terms of black and white, rather than shades of gray. They can genuinely love a person one minute, then a negative event or memory can “flip the switch”, and they’ll genuinely hate them, then back and forth and so on. This applies to many things in their lives.

This instability, combined with episodes dissociation that result from feeling such overwhelmingly strong emotions at most times, can cause a feeling of lacking a stable identity or “self”. The person can’t pin down their personality traits, because they seem to change on a dime, and can lead the to feel as if they are “no one”, or don’t exist. Many of the above things tends to combine into an unstable but generally low sense of self-esteem.

Which combines with a tendency toward paranoia to create a deep-seated fear of abandonment, which can really fuck with interpersonal relationships. When paranoia and splitting cause them to fear abandonment or betrayal from a friend, they may behave in explosive or manipulative ways, followed later by extreme regret, creating an alienating cycle that can make staying close to anyone very difficult.

I mean, I’m really seeing some extremely strong parallels here, I don’t know about you. But here, have an essay.

holY SHIT YEAH YEAH I CANT BELIEVE L IK E this is so tommy like i have all these things pinned down but i didn’t know they fit under the label of bpd lIKE LIKE BULLETED SPECIFICS

maladaptive bonding mechanisms and means of relating to people—— this could actually be a combined problem with his aspd as to why he has such issue with trying to understand people or relate to them weeps

erratic mood swings, extreme emotional reactions to comparatively minor stimuli (feeling rage instead of irritation, despair instead of melancholy, etc.)—— hE DO ES this a lot like idk if i showcase his overreactions enough but the man reads into everything people say and coupled with his paranoia leads to him fREAKING OUT a lot

splitting: they can genuinely love a person one minute, then a negative event or memory can “flip the switch”, and they’ll genuinely hate them, then back and forth and so on——– THIS IS REALLY TOMMY BECAUSE HE DOES THIS TO BRUCE AND EDWARD MOST SPECIFICALLY BUT i’ve been thinking about this a lot bc of the recent thread with criminalconundrums because as soon as he remembers edward fucked up his plan + took credit for it while HE got fucking shot by harvey and was left for dead falling off a fucking bridge he HATES edward enough to throw him off a roof but at the same time he’s really conflicted because they were? friends before?? and god he’s a mess

person can’t pin down their personality traits, because they seem to change on a dime, and can lead the to feel as if they are “no one”, or don’t exist—— I HAVE SAID BEFORE THAT TOMMY DOENS’T REALLY HAVE A STABLE PERSONALITY?? LIKE I CANT EVEN TAKE AN MBTI FOR HIM IT’S TOO FUCKING HARD, AND OFC HE HAS HIS IDENTITY ISSUES AND…..

paranoia and splitting cause them to fear abandonment or betrayal from a friend, they may behave in explosive or manipulative ways, followed later by extreme regret, creating an alienating cycle that can make staying close to anyone very difficult—– lmao looks at bruce and “the last good day” and then looks at my thread with vigilantesandplayboys where tommy gets hypervigilant levels of pANIC WHEN BRUCE GETS MAD AT HIM AND LOOKS AT THREAD IN AU WITH scowlingbat WHERE TOMMY SHRIEKS AT HIM ABOUT “NOT LEAVING HIM” IM OK HAHAHA

weeps @ all this ok thank you jay you have convinced me *stamps official headcanon on this*

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fatehaschosen replied:  guess you decided to shift into mAXIMUM OVERDRIVE also that feel when you don't watch many shows and have a shitty memory for quotes. I weep.

i originally started with buffy the vampire slayer quotes because that’s the only show i know well enough to quote ( whedon may be terrible but he is witty with dialogue very often and i love it ) and then i ended up googling quotes for various shows like dexter and american psycho and i took a quote from a gif i saw on my dash lmao just. just google a lot or save gifs and use them for quotes

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fatehaschosen replied: I need to start submitting Two-Face stuff because there is like exactly none

THAT’S WHY I SENT THEM IN I WAS LIKE “THIS IS SACRILEGE THERE SHOULD BE SOME OF TOMMY” SO I SENT THEM IN I JUST DONT REMEMBER SENDING THIS MANY AND ALSO I SHOULD HAVE SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE LIKE GOD THESE POOR PEOPLE FOLLOWING THIS BLOG ARE PROBABLY LIKE “WHY”

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thomas elliot is just a bad recolored oc of bruce wayne pass it on

original character do not steal. my ginger bruce. my offbrand batman

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iM DONE WITH ALL THE THOMAS ELLIOT SEARCH RESULT SPAM. maybe i should idk. actually rp. oh my god