it’s been two years man...still think about you sometimes, and what I could have done better...but would it have changed much? HAd I told the truth. I don’t know, but I wish I had because what I did was shitty. I still miss you sometimes. You were my best friend at one point. We had a lotta fun together... Even when it turned toxic, and you turned on me and my friends, and I, in turn, reacted badly, I still considered you my best friend. I wish I had walked away then. Maybe it wouldn’t have ended so badly. Idk man...I used to put all the blame on myself. I realize now it wasn’t all me. I messed up. I’ll be the first to admit that. But you, to be blunt, treated not only me, but the rest of my friends, like shit sometimes. And to be completely honest, it sucked when you couldn’t decide if you wanted me in or out and went from my best friend to pushing me away. So even if I had told you how I felt, would it have made a difference? Would you have reacted in the exact same way? I never told you this. and you’ll never know. But I did know you liked me. For months. After Cherish and I stole your journal. I saw. I never thought you would actually act upon it. You were less confrontational than I.
Not gonna lie I miss you. But I’m glad you went your own way and got a fresh start. I do miss having you as a best friend sometimes. I miss literally talking about everything with you. You are the reason I have a shitty tumblr in the first place. I miss watching anime and tv with you and hanging out and talking about the future. But I only miss the good part of that friendship. I’m glad you’re gone for both of our sakes because in the end, we ended up bringing out the worst in each other. You were toxic because you couldn’t handle feelings, and I was toxic because I wasn’t mature enough to handle it. I now have other amazing friends. I love them all. Hell, I was in the same fucking boat as you. I fell for my friend. The only fucking difference is we both handled it significantly better than you or I freshman year. She’s one of my best friends now.
Sometimes I think about stalking you on insta or fb and check up on how you’re doing. But I don’t. Because you’ve moved on and so have I. Sure, I still miss that friendship, but ultimately, it turned into something bad. Everyone could see it. I can see it now. I hope you’re doing well, because you deserve it.
from your old best friend
