#^ryota

[whetci]

it ryt

[whetci]

DESPAIR SYNDROME HOO HA

yea man im feelin it. im feelin it

im gonna take despair fever symptoms as becoming a person u would fear/dislike being the most SO here i go

reika - trusting; overdependent

it's kind of funny how reika actually needs to be more trusting of others, but absolutely detests the very idea of it. her life is ruled by a subtle paranoia that she doesn't even really realise she has. she doesn't want to rely on other people because she knows they can stab her in the back. she has to work for her own dreams and goals because who can she really trust to help her get there? her paranoia is what has pushes her to be independent.

she totally hates the idea of being dependent on others because she's scared of it. she's desperate to keep herself together on her own so she doesn't have to reach out to others. so her despair fever self is essentially a culmination of her worst fears - an overly sensitive and emotional crybaby who needs others to be there for her.

ryota - naive; simple-minded

ryota's kind of an interesting case?? because... his 'despair fever' self doesn't seem any different from how he usually presents himself, really. loud. painfully 'optimistic'. someone who doesn't seem to ever takes things totally seriously, or to heart. that's what he'd genuinely be like if he had despair fever.

the thing is, ryota usually pretends to be chipper and empty-minded because he thinks it's the easiest way to get by without anyone catching anything off about him. to him, it's so easy to act like you're cheerful and optimistic because you just have to be stupid.

naive people are the people he 'dislikes' most, so to speak. how is it possible for them to be so utterly dense? that's the question he's always wondered about. he thinks it'd be interesting to see things from their point of view, but at the same time... he can't help but laugh a little at how small and simple their view of the world is. (funny how his own is actually small, too, but he doesn't realise that.)

he'd 'hate' to be someone like that, because then life would be so simple - if he were a simple person, then he probably wouldn't analyse people or situations and that would be no fun! life's not just a simple thing. it's complex, and that's why he'll need to work at understanding it.

shuu - fragile; susceptible

it's... kind of hard to explain how shuu's mind works. but the important part is that he's been conditioned to think in a certain way - but is also a little aware of this at the same time. which is why he's so afraid of people breaking his psyche or pleading to him to think in a different way. he's scared to challenge his own thought process and values because they've been hardwired into him - essentially drilled into his mind again and again while being isolated.

to him, challenging his thoughts and values would be like challenging his identity. so many of them have been inculcated into him, but his own identity is all he has for himself. he doesn't want to lose his sense of self, because if he did - if he questioned himself - he wouldn't know what to think of anything at all. and the thought of that scares him. at heart, he knows he doesn't really know what's going on and that his mind is in an absolute cluttered mess - so he desperately clings on to "what he's been taught", really. what's been indoctrinated into him. 

this 'clinging' manifests as him being awfully stubborn about his own views. it's so strong that he has basically kind of brainwashed himself into thinking what he's been taught is true and right. his stubborn nature is kind of his shield against really prying into his own mind, which he's terrified of.

so that's what his despair fever self is, really. it's actually kind of what shuu is at the very core. a fucking mess. lmao