Random headcanon, nobody outside of the bats knows who Bruce’s biological kid is. Since the kids all, a) look like their mothers (duke, Damian, maps), b) their supposed biological dads look like Bruce so you can’t really tell without dna (Steph, dick, Carrie), or c) they just look a little too much like Bruce for comfort (Jason, Cass, Tim)
Bruce said that one of them was biological and absolutely nobody has even a single clue who is or isn’t
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Kon: must be nice actually having access to your rich dads bank account
Tim(thinking about jack drake): yeah but he’s an asshole
Kon(thinking about Bruce): all dads are, at least yours is a hero
Tim:
Tim: that’s… one way to put it I guess
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Michelle(watching Carrie get ready for patrol): it must be nice having your dad let you do cool stuff like this
Carrie: ? Huh? I never told my dad, he’s too high to know what’s going on
Michelle: Batmans high?????
Carrie: not.. right now? I mean he’s done lsd but.. eh
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Garfield: so I was talking with you dad-
Dick: oh cool did Rachel take you on a date to the underworld again?
Garfield: … no?
Dick(used to people just up and reviving): …did he come back?
Garfield: no??? What????
Dick: ???? Huh
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Maps/damian(hanging out at school):
Random kid: so… who’s the adopted one?
Maps/damian: …
Maps: him
Damian: her
Random kid: uh.. but like don’t one of you share dna with mr Wayne?
Damian(half lie): I was made in a lab, I don’t have dna
Maps(full lie): I’m not real :)
Random kid(slowly stepping back):
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Roy: god your just like your dad.
Jason(thinking about Willis): you’ve never even met the guy fuck off.
Roy: ??? One second, pause the arguing, yes tf I have?
Jason: no? The guy died like ages ago??
Roy: he did!??!? Then who’s Batman right now??
Jason(very confused): Bruce??
Roy: is he a zombie???
Jason: the only zombie is me what the fuck
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Cass(at a dance recital):
Bruce(waiting to pick her up):
Other dancer: wow you look so much like your dad
Cass(has decided to completely ignore that David cain is her father): I know :] I love my dad
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Selina(looking at a picture of Elaine): Yknow it’s amazing you picked up zero of Bruce’s dna
Duke: huh?
Selina: you look exactly like your mother and not a bit like B
Duke: that’s cause he’s not my dad
Selina: ??? He’s not?
Duke: nope, some random immortal is
Selina: sorry??
Duke: don’t worry about it
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Kara: where’s your dad? I can’t hear his heartbeat
Steph: jail..? Why tf do you know his heartbeat
Kara: he’s in jail?? He let himself get arrested
Steph: I know, he’s kinda a dumbass isn’t he?
Kara: do we need to like… go get him?
Steph: absolutely not, fucker deserves it
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Clark: which one is it???
Bruce: the longer you struggle to figure it out I less likely I am to tell you
Clark: please?
Bruce: no
Clark: I hate you
Bruce: sure you do
Clark: what if you needed blood from one of them?
Bruce: he doesn’t have the same blood type as me
Clark(pulling out a note book): you hear that! It’s not the girls, or anyone with O-!
Diana(appearing from nowhere): so it’s not the girls or Jason
Bruce: ?? Why do you know my children’s blood Types- why do you know my blood type
Diana(patting his head): it’s better you don’t know these things
Pairing: Damian Wayne x Batsis!Reader, Batfam x Batsis!Reader
CW: fluff, sibling behaviour
@fromrory
Dick Vers.Jason Vers.
Tim Vers.Duke Vers.
• Damian refuses to admit it out loud, but you’re literally the only person he’d die for unprovoked.
Like Alfred will ask him to do dishes and he’ll be like “tt,” but you go,
“Dami, can you pass me the charger?”
and bro is MOVING like he’s on a stealth mission for the UN.
• He 1000% sits on your counters like a cat while you’re getting ready. Zero thoughts. Just swinging his legs, judging your eyeliner technique with love.
• He absolutely copies your slang.
He acts like he hates it but then someone annoys him in patrol and he’s muttering,
“Be fr… your incompetence is astronomical.”
Dick almost falls off a roof laughing.
• When he naps in your room he tries to wake up before you notice, but you ALWAYS catch him. And you always carry him out despite him weakly grumbling “I can walk…” while not lifting a single limb.
• The Titans think you’re the Damian Whisperer.
Gar: “He just threatened to stab me because I ate his tofu jerky—can you… talk to him?”
You: “Damian, apologise.”
Damian, immediately: “Very well. I am… moderately remorseful.”
• You bring him Starbucks on school mornings and he pretends it’s beneath him.
But he sips it.
All of it.
Every time.
• Your Urus is basically the unofficial Teen Titan Uber.
Damian sits in the front seat like he’s your tiny little passenger prince while Duke and Dick’s friends sit in the back filming TikToks
• You two have a shared playlist.
It’s:
– 70% your songs
– 20% classical pieces
– 10% questionable songs that snuck onto the playlist somehow
• When he steals your clothes, he always picks the most expensive ones.
You’re like,
“BRO THAT WAS LIMITED EDITION.”
And he goes,
“I look better in it. Accept reality.”
• You’re his legal emotional support human at Wayne Galas. He gets all stiff and annoyed until you hold his hand.
• He sneakily paints portraits of you and hides them around the manor. You’ll open a random cabinet and boom—masterpiece.
Alfred finds one in the fridge once.
• You help him with skincare and he pretends it’s a training ritual.
Was feeling whelmed. Wanted to draw something fun, so I made this Mighty Teen Titans poster 🥰 For those who don’t know, this is my idea for a Teen Titans tv show. Hope you enjoy!
