Celeaf, 49
It still hadn’t sunk in for either of them that the war was over, but everyone else would be leaving soon, likely within a few days. For a moment, it seemed as though it would become lonely… but no, that wasn’t quite the case. Leaf was not leaving… and he had every intention of staying in Grandbell. Though Celice hadn’t seen it, it seemed Leaf had spoken to Fin on this topic. Leaf knew right away, no, before he even said a word about it to Fin, that the man would be torn by making a decision. To stay in Lenster, his home… or to stay with the child he had raised all those years. In the end, he had settled on going between the countries, hoping to find a comfort in doing so.
After all, people changed. Leaf had grown up, and perhaps because Fin had always been at his side, he didn’t notice as it happened. All three of them knew, however, that Leaf was set on this decision. It was only the end of the war that had not sunk in for the two of them yet. The fact that Leaf had wished for them to be married before the others left in a few was what had already sank in. For Celice, there the comfort of having that person so close to him; the person who keep away his fears and soon to come stress over being the ruler of this land. For Leaf, it was a happiness he’d never had, and the freedom that he’d chosen for himself.
“Even though the war just ended… you don’t really look like you feel that it’s over.” Leaf sat beside Celice on the bed as he noticed the other seemed so lost in thought, and the response received was a slow nod. There must have still been so much on his mind… but Leaf was not going to let him struggle with him alone. That was something that always pained him; seeing Celice try to bear heavy burdens without involving others. The older of the two knew how much Leaf had been through in his short life, and it never felt right to cause him to worry. But then… if he didn’t say anything, Leaf would then worry even more. Someone who understood his burdens and would save him from them… That was Leaf.
“It’s not just this kingdom I have to worry about. My brother is still recovering, and it still feels so odd to know everyone I grew up will be parting ways with me soon. I know some of them will be nearby, but it’s still weird to realize they won’t all be at my side together anymore. Shanan and Oifaye especially. Ah… but… you must feel that way about Fin and Nanna too, right…?”
This time, Leaf nodded. He knew that feeling well. Nanna would be moving to Agustria, and Fin would be back and forth. However, right now, he needed to be with Altenna as she took Lenster’s throne. “But… I’ll be fine. Those two will always be there for me if I really need them. It’s you I couldn’t ever be separated from. Even if I had those two there with me, if I had gone back to Lenster… it wouldn’t feel right not being able to see you so easily anymore. When I used to think about what I should do after everything ended, the thought of being so far from you… made my chest hurt. For a long time, I didn’t understand what it was about you that made me feel so bad about being away from you. Then I realized it was… everything.”
That was right. Even though Leaf was more vocal about it due to losing far too many people in his life, making his fear of losing even more people far too evident, Celice couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t include at his side every day. He had been that close for most of this war, going so far as to take up every kind of weapon and even staves to help Celice’s cause. There was no reason for him to continue fighting all that time. He could have stayed behind after the issues with Thracia were settled and returned to Lenster to begin rebuilding. He hadn’t… and had chosen to push through even more hardships just to support Celice. It was more to Celice than the word appreciated could possibly mean.
“I can’t say I don’t feel that way too. There would always be something that didn’t feel right… if the support you’ve always given me suddenly disappeared. Maybe it’s because I got so used to it that I began taking your help for granted… It hadn’t occurred to me nearly as much back then that I might not have that assistance forever. After we left Thracia… that realization started to frighten me. Thinking that you would be gone, maybe even with someone else…” His hand quickly covered his other, nearly holding onto the ring that remained on his finger to signify, in such a small, physical form, their shared affection. “The night you gave me this ring, all those worries seemed to dissipate all at once. At that time, I could tell… you had truly made your decision to stay with me.”
Of course, it did matter a lot for Leaf as well. To part with Fin and Nanna was like losing an entire part of himself. They were present his entire life, but then, Celice definitely felt that way about the group he’d been with in Isaac. Growing up was painful, wasn’t it…? These were probably also the last few days they would be able to be “children”. Celice would become instantly busy after the others headed home. Leaf also knew his position as the emperor’s betrothed was not something he could simply call “love” anymore. It was a commitment and a responsibility to be in this kind of position, and if asked, he would not deny he was worried he wouldn’t be able to live up to it. However, he would force himself to live up to it, as he knew what he was getting into long ago. After all… he did love this person… and a lot more than the word alone would let on.
“We’ll be okay. Definitely… It’s going to be difficult for a while, for a lot of reasons… but as long as we have each other, it will work out fine. I’m still a bit nervous, but… when I’m at your side, it feels like I don’t even need to worry. Because I know… once I’m in the moment and next to you, I’ll be focused on what I need to do. Being able to help you stops me from worrying.” His hand moved to rest on Celice’s, that same hand of Celice’s still holding onto the one that had his ring. Celice’s expression changed to one of light curiosity when Leaf chuckled ever so quietly. “I still get all these strange feelings when I’m this close to you. The same ones I’ve always felt… But… I never want that to change.”
That gentle laugh was also Celice’s support. Something he could cherish and always look forward to hearing. His concerns, too, would be diminished that way, and fade away completely. That would be something he would need in the days to come, through all the work that remained before them. A smile was given to Leaf as he thought about it, that one smile working its miracle and calming any distress Leaf may have been worried about for the future.
Leaf’s hand gripped his just the slightest more tightly as he leaned toward him, a kiss left on Celice’s lips for just the right amount of time. They were both calm and content… and winning the war had not quite been peace. This was peace. Leaf’s smile that would be with him for as long as they lived was Celice’s peace, as were his following words. “Celice… I’m home.” The first time he could ever truly call a place “home”; a place he would settle in. Lenster may have been his birthplace, but he never truly did have a place that he remained in long enough to call it such a thing. Rather… Grandbell was not entirely his home.
Celice was Leaf’s home, and that feeling was mutual.