✧ — 𝐁. 𝐃𝐘𝐋𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 [ 𝐏𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈𝐈 ]
“Looks a bit... Sad.”
“It’s an orange meringue pie. With really bad oranges.”
“Nothing says the holidays like ambiguous meat.”
“Now that’s just vulgar.”
“This tastes like if Christmas gave up.”
“I wonder what demon we’ll summon today!”
“Is life insurance expensive?”
“It’s like a morgue.”
“I need a hug.”
“You know what that’s called? Criminal intent.”
“So far, so good!”
“I’m gonna start needing blood pressure medication.”
“Eggnog is already one of my favorite things, but homemade is supposedly ten times better.”
“Sorry, my cauldron is in the dishwasher.”
“We’re scalding, not boiling.”
“This has ruined all other eggnog.”
“America, you’ve done it again!”
“This stuff’s stronger than my desire to drop out of college.”
“Now, I’ve never made a fruitcake, but if you’re anything like me... You are one.”
“I feel like I’m exhuming a body.”
“This is sacrilegious.”
“This is for people who hate baking.”
“It’s an unenthusiastic cobbler.”
“I mean yeah, it’s alright, but it’s all wrong.”
“A cake should be an occasion, not a disfigured dump on a plate.”
“I really just JFK’d this cake.”
“We seem to be baking guacamole.”
“Look at how good it looks!”
“I’m so confused.”
“Now this has to be the simplest pie recipe I’ve seen during my time on this earth.”
“Welcome to the real world.”
“I’m going to eat all of these.”
“This was the economical way to feed your family, during a time when people were pinching pennies until Lincoln wept.”
“Ah yes. Brings back memories.”
“Is it bland? Yes. Is it bad? No.”
“I can’t think of anything better for Valentine’s day than a good old fashioned cream pie.”
“I’m single, so I’m used to it.”
“Tastes like a wet blanket.”
“We want the bread to rise, not generate thrust.”
“It smells divine.”
“This is stellar!”
“Don’t ask.”
“It’s gonna be one of those days, huh?”
“If this red flag was any bigger, it would be a blanket.”
“Are there worse things than this? Doubt it.”
“Jokes aside, I’m quite disturbed by this.”
“I think I’m becoming jaded.”
“Well, that was utterly horrendous.”
“I’m scared of a lot of things, including the IRS, clowns, and English majors.”
“Really starting off on the wrong foot... Or, more like the wrong limb.”
“What part of Italy are you from? Kentucky?”
“How to get an entire country to hate you, step one; this.”
“What is wrong with you!?”
“Some things are naturally impossible, like perpetual motion and happy AT&T customers.”
“Let’s hope this doesn’t kill my blender.”
“It’s a very important day. Do you know what day it is?”
“My nose is redder than Rudolph’s, my hands are drier than my dating life, I have an eighteen pound flightless bird in my sink, and my fridge is filled with more calories than a small 7-eleven. ”
“Not only are our turkeys defrosting, but so are Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey.”
