HEATHERS.
a collection of prompts from the 1989 film. lightly edited, adjust as necessary. TW : death, suicide, sex, and eating disorders.
[name] told me she teaches people real life.
if you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.
what’s your damage, [name]?
the note’ll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
i wanna set [name] on my johnson and just start spinning her like a fucking pinwheel.
heck, i’d probably skip my own birthday party for a date.
if you’re going to openly be a bitch …
i’m sorry, it’s just, why can’t we talk to different kinds of people?
fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
do i look like mother theresa?
doesn’t it bother you that everyone in school thinks you’re a piranha?
they all want me, as a friend or a fuck.
i told you she knew my name.
i’d say we’re like twenty minutes from major humiliation.
deep down all teenagers are the same. didn’t you see the breakfast club?
i’m sorry? what are you oozing about?
we made a girl want to consider suicide. what a scream. what a jest.
a true friend’s work is never done.
grow up, [name]. bulimia’s so ‘87.
maybe you should see a doctor.
holden caulfield wouldn't put up with their bogus nonsense.
there are no stupid questions.
if you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens tell the earth they're blowing us up in two days, what would you do?
that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard.
god, they won't expel him. they'll just suspend him for a week or something.
all [name] really did was ruin two pairs of pants.
i thought you were giving up on high school guys.
did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
god, that was unbelievable!
so tonight’s the night. are you two excited?
blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.
crap. so who's this guy i’ve been set up with? witty and urbane pre-lawyer or albino accountant?
don’t worry. [name] says he’s very, so he’s very.
hey, kid, isn’t the prom coming up? any contestants worth mentioning?
there’s kind of a dark horse in the running now.
will somebody please tell me why i read this spy crap?
i’m going to have to motor if i want to be ready for the party tonight.
if you're nice, i’ll let you buy me a slurpee.
the extreme always makes an impression, but you're right, it was severe.
everybody's life's got static.
i don’t really like my friends.
i don’t really like your friends either.
it’s like they're just people i work with and our job is being popular and shit.
come on, [name], let's go back to the party.
you're just so hot tonight. i can't control myself.
let’s do it on the coats. it'll be excellent.
i have a little prepared speech i give when my suitor wants more than i’d like to give him …
save the speeches for malcolm x. i just wanna get laid.
you don’t deserve my fucking speech!
[name] says you’re being a real cooze.
[full name] was a true friend and i sold her out for a bunch of swatchdogs and diet cokeheads.
killing [name]'d be like offing the wicked witch of the west. or is it east? west!
you were nothing before you met me!
monday morning, you're history. i’ll tell everyone about tonight.
dreadful etiquette. i apologize.
i saw the croquet set - up in the back. up for a match?
goddamn, no wonder you looked so mangled when i came through the window.
i sound like an afterschool special.
[full name] is one bitch that deserves to die.
killing her won’t solve anything.
i guess i don’t know what the hell i’m talking about.
let’s just grow up, be adults, and die.
i knew this stuff would be too intense.
i can’t believe it. i just killed my best friend.
i’m going to have to send my SAT scores to san quentin instead of stanford.
adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion.
people think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun.
thank you, ms. [name]. call me when the shuttle lands.
[name] and i used to go together, but she said i was boring.
the good looks and bad manners gave her power, but it could not give her happiness.
watch it, [name]. you could actually be digesting food.
she always said you couldn't accessorize for shit.
i’m sorry about your friend. i thought she was your usual airhead bitch.
does this have something to do with menstrual cramps and shit?
that was seriously warped, [name].
will somebody please tell me why i smoke these damn things?
oh god, this is a tragic thing and sometimes i have a hard time dealing with it and stuff.
i prayed for the death of [full name] many times and i felt bad every time i did, but i kept doing it anyway.
i just want my high school to be a nice place.
i’m feeling kind of superior tonight.
our love is god. let’s get a slurpee.
it’s more tasteful than it sounds.
i was wondering if you wanted all those things you've been saying to really happen.
it’s always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once.
hey, listen, my bonnie and clyde days are over.
this is ohio. if you don't have a brewsky in your hand, you might as well be wearing a dress.
life’s a crazy bitch. don’t try to analyze it.
your true feelings were too gross and icky for you to face.
my teen angst bullshit now has a body count.
it’s god versus my boyfriend, and god’s losing.
our school has been torn apart by tragedy. i’m here today to fuse it back together through togetherness.
i have a feeling this one’ll work.
i may be a geek, but i have my pride.
why are you dissing me, [name]? i’m trying to redefine the high school experience!
you’re ignoring the high school experience.
we scare people into not being assholes.
that’s it, we’re breaking up.
to think there was a time when i thought you were cool.
it’s scary how everyone’s got a story to tell.
i don’t want your money, i want your strength.
[school name] doesn’t need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader.
your machine’s got the most obnoxious beep.
i know i’m not as exciting as your other friends.
nice guys finish last. i should know.
they're going to think uncool is the rule at [school name].
i don’t see what gives you the right to lecture, [name].
some people just don't matter. why should those who do carry their weight?
so i'm a dark horse, huh? you make me blush.
whether to commit suicide is the most important decision a teenager has to make.
if we're not going to watch that program, can i put on the game?
hey kids, make your parents and teachers feel like shit! get the respect in death you'll never get in life!
are you trying to tell me it is not a troubled time for the nation's youth?
everybody cares about youth, not the individual.
all we want is to be treated like human beings, not like guinea pigs to be experimented on and not like bunny rabbits to be patronized.
i do not patronize bunny rabbits.
adults can be horrible to other adults.
i guess i picked the wrong time to be a human being.
another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people of the school and failing miserably.
[name] couldn't take the heat, so she got out of the kitchen. just think what a better place the world would be if every nimrod followed her cue.
just shut up and turn on the radio. hot probs is on.
god has cursed me, i think.
holy shit, that’s [name]! we’ll crucify her!
are we going to prom? or to hell?
suicide is a private thing.
you’re giving your life away to become a goddamn statistic in us - fucking - a today. that’s got to be the least private thing i can think of.
if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.
i’ll get right on it, coach.
people love you, but i know you.
some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
[name], why can't you just be a friend? why are you such a mega - bitch?
why are you pulling my dick?
do you think, do you really think, if [full name]'s fairy godmother made her cool, she'd still act nice and hang with her dweebette friends?
you're not a rebel. you're fucking psychotic.
if she was going to slash her wrists, the knife would be absolutely spotless.
i can't believe you did it. i was teasing.
you think just because you started this thing, you can end it?
you know what i want, babe? cool guys like you out of my life.
you really fucked me up, [name].
now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?
[name], you look like hell.
[name], my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
my date for prom kind of flaked out on me, so i thought if you weren't doing anything that night we could go to the video store and rent some new releases or something.
