#&& study.

[rngbrglr]

because of @okenskeld asking me about if bilbo knew what the ring was doing to him---i have to post my response here for you guys to see my thoughts on it too!

just looking at that scene and seeing the anguish in bilbo's eyes the moment he realizes what he's done [to the small spider creature] and what the ring is ALREADY doing to him?? he knows for sure what's going on. but at the same time he has doubts in himself. without the ring he would have never have gotten out of the goblin tunnels, without the ring he wouldn't be where he is right then and there. without it he feels like he won't be any help to thorin or the company.

i can see him mulling it over MANY times on his walk through the mirkwood forest to rescue the company, on how bad this ring really is but the pro's always outweighed the cons because i can see the ring being the thing that plants the doubts in bilbo's mind without him realizing it. just imagining it whispering to him "without me you won't get far, you were moments away from being killed back in gollum's cave, without me you wouldn't have found your 'courage' blah blah blah."

so yes, he recognizes it, but the ring is a tricky thing and kinda manipulates him to keeping it

[rngbrglr]

bilbo will feed ur character. ur hungry??? bilbo got u fam. he won't let anyone go hungry, not on his watch.

[rngbrglr]

fingers use to digging into the softness that was the earth of the shire, uprooting the soil to make room for new plants to grow, tilling the land so that his harvest would be plentiful. they had never touched the cold steel of a blade before, never wielded anything dangerous than a kitchen knife. never been the one to put an end to a life other than rabbits that had eaten from his garden one too many times. so how could he go back to the safety of his home knowing the death he had caused in his trot through the world beyond bagend? how could he look into the eyes of his neighbors knowing just how murderous his intent was when that creature hovered over the ring? his ring.

the words of gandalf had rung through his mind, the ones he heard before he even decided to go on this journey.

if you come back you won't be the same.

[viiktor]

What flavour is your soul.

vanilla

oh heart of ice and mind of gold, what am I to do with you? you are only good in small amounts, bittersweet fledgling, you are hard for most to swallow. your spirit is strong, your wit is potent, your biting essence drives even the most daring away. but why are you hiding your sweetness? I know within you, you are soft, but humanity has made you bitter. you mask your pain and sorrow with spite and sensibility. you say you do not care about trivial things, but don't you? sweetheart relax. you can let down your drawbridge, the waters are not poisoned. I know you have looked monsters in between the eyes and scoffed at them, but please, relax. you think your armor protects you but it is smothering you slowly. little owlet, when will you learn, words can only get you so far? feelings are what makes this world pulse. do not suppress your feelings. your heart can still thaw my dear. trust.

[viiktor]

𝕾𝖊𝖑𝖋-𝕶𝖓𝖔𝖜𝖑𝖊𝖉𝖌𝖊 𝕼𝖚𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖊

AMBITION

You have a strong sense of potential and an intense drive to accomplish difficult things. The core of this is your ability to hold together the big goals and the daily efforts. Where other people’s hopes collapse when they encounter the tedium of the journey, you keep coming back. Oddly, it is actually your ability to endure feeling unheroic that counts. You know the power of working away solidly on what’s in front of you.

RATIONALITY

You like clarity and intelligent simplicity and you get frustrated at messy thinking. This can make you seem unreasonably pushy to some, but it is actually a virtue: you are motivated by a horror at pointless effort and a longing for precision and insight into how things and people work. Your ability to synthesise and bring order is essential in producing thinking which is truly helpful.

ORDERLINESS

You love it when everything is neat and tidy: when there is a proper way of doing things, and you can tick things off the to-do list and know where everything is. So others, at times, are to you unbearably sloppy and messy. And you run into things that can’t be ordered (a child, a partner, a colleague at work) which drives you slightly nuts. But your desire for order is a good one when it is focussed where it is needed and when you’re okay with a bit of mess.

RESILIENCE

You have a tendency, after a setback, to turn your emotions towards restriving. What attracts you is the idea of wiping out a humiliation by resumed action – overcoming weakness, repressing your fear. Because part of your motive is pride, you can sometimes be unwilling to admit weakness or to receive aid. But at heart, tour insistence on coming back and never folding has taught you a valuable pessimism: you know that important journeys are never easy.

[jasonkolchek]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐛 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

Cumin

You see yourself so clearly that you can see the gaping hole inside you where you lost a piece long ago. It's there and it's ragged and painful and bleeding and you don't know how no one else can see it when it takes up so much of your awareness. You run from it, fight it, try to find it but nothing bandages up that hungry mawing void inside yourself and when you're tired, uninspired, you swear it grows and grows. You promise yourself you want to be alone, promise yourself that you want to be different, want to be special, love having this hole inside you and point it out in words or song or jokes and stories and take pride in that pain, in your uniqueness in this world of grays and storm clouds. You are 5 am rain on asphalt roads and sputtering street lamps. You are petrichor musings and messy guitar chords and a thousand contradictions wrapped inside a quiet cry, an evening of coffee and jittering hands and a promise that you're okay or that you're fine until you're falling apart in someone's arms or messages and pretend you're alright in the morning. You taste so strongly but sometimes you wonder if all you are is ash.

[jasonkolchek]

thinking about how much Jason is affected by the past accident is painful, how much he clearly feels guilty for telling Nick to shot an innocent young woman who could have been the culprit. he definitely suffers from severe PTSD along with mid anxiety - and judging by how he acts overall man probably didn't get help whatsoever so he's on his own with the trauma until Salim genuinely wanted to hear him out because with Nick he wouldn't want to make the situation more difficult than it is due of the fact he was present.