I have a member in my appless rp that has presented as very problematic. They get into fights with members ooc, refuse to accept and follow the lore we've set out with, and is bitter and resentful towards almost all of the admins. At this point, the best option would to not have her in the rp at all, but there hasn't been one big thing that we could list as the main reason (it's mostly just disrespect). How should we go about suggesting they leave, honestly?
i’ve had a very similar experience, so i feel i can offer a lot of insight on this. you’ve come to the right person!!
my first suggestion is to check with the other members of the group. send messages to them, individually, asking them their opinion. not necessarily about this specific person or conflict, but in general. such as:
“hey! admin team here just checking in since we’ve now been open for awhile. are you feeling comfortable with all the members of the group? is there anything we can do as a team to make your experience better? do you feel comfortable coming to us with any problems you might have with members, etc?”
or something to that effect! that just may prompt them to confirm your observations. when we did this, there was a lot of things the person had done and said that were uncovered by people who wouldn’t have come forward unless we had asked.
as an admin trying to keep the peace and ultimately protect your players, having others back up your observations is super important. if you get enough people, or even one person, brave enough to say that they are uncomfortable with this person or that this person is causing them distress, that is something you can use to tell the person, preferably kindly, that this isn’t the place for them because their behavior is now affecting other people.
it’s also important not to be biased, though, which is hard. sometimes somebody says one thing in a group that might rub you the wrong way and make us see every following action they do in a negative light. when this happened and i was an admin, i gave the person the benefit of the doubt many times. i’m not saying you should, because everyone has different tolerance levels and i have no idea the specifics of what this person has been doing in your group. but that’s one thing to keep in mind, for sure, especially if you don’t feel like there is quite enough for it to be 100% fair to ask her to leave outright.
what ended up happening in my situation was the person ended up having so many complaints against them and so many instances of problematic behavior that we ended up having to message them every couple of days, calmly and nicely!! stating that this behavior isn’t what we want in the group and we would appreciate it if they worked on it, or giving them other tips to do so. while not being harsh or condescending even if you think they deserve it!!
we were willing to work with them, but they eventually ended up choosing to leave the group on their own. sometimes that’s just how it’s going to happen. the number one thing is to not turn it into a fight, to be calm and respectful, but stand your ground. stand up for your members and fellow admins!! it does not have to be a big deal, because it won’t be in a few days! it’s okay! it happens!
what it really comes down to, is that it is your group. it sounds like to me that it is pretty clear and obvious that this person does not belong in your group and will ultimately end in them being gone anyway. i just encourage you and the other admins to be proactive and understanding, to minimize drama since it seems that’s what they’re looking for right now!
i really hoped this helped. if you need more ideas, please please feel free to message me and i can help you more specifically if that is what you need. or if i have completely misunderstood your question or situation, let me know that too. roleplaying is supposed to be fun, not stressful, i wish you the best of luck, you’re doing great !!
