sessions.
the first time goes a little bit like this.
“what was it like?” “what was what like? precisely? like, isn’t this supposed to be some sort of revealing moment, with a precise goal, precise questions? nail me with the truth or something? is this supposed to hold cryptic notes? do i need to read in between the lines? what was what like?”
he looks so calm, haeri thinks wen she’s done. calmer than her last therapist after she’d started talking at least. the woman had looked like she was ready to power through this whether haeri wanted to obey or not. him though? he just sat and listened and said literally nothing after her first few words so she frowned. did she imagine herself at twenty-one, sitting in a therapist office, sleep deprived, with work piling up and no will at all to even study what she really loved to do? no, definitely not.
“okay so it was kind of hard, being sent away was already a blow, then i come back and it’s like nothing changed. have you ever met a stray cat? i feel like a stray cat sometimes. just you know, wandering aimlessly in life, what a joy. a failure of not only society but the entire family, actually no, jaemin covers that field. me? me? i don’t even know what i cover and mom already wants me in tutus and heels and make up and i don’t even know where i stand. i mean? what? i mean, really, what? i am a girl, i know, i am like twenty-one, so a woman, or something. she keeps saying it, it’s true, kind of. but i hate it, i hate being a girl or woman, or whatever the fuck it is this world thinks i should be.”
she falls silent then and stays it until it’s time to leave and he never, not even once tries to stop her when she opens her notebook and starts doodling. it’s quiet, it’s peaceful. when she leaves, he moves with her. adjusts his glasses. she looks him up and down, from the top of his grey but very few hair down to the shine of his shoes. he assesses her too. haeri hates it, she seriously hates it.