#(not explicit)

[kinemon]

that post got me thinking about my identity as an ace person. I have a complicated relationship with...relationships, and sex and romance in general, and sometimes I think it might be better to move away from IDing as ace altogether. I really can’t make up my mind and most of the time I don’t want to think about it because it’s a source of a lot of internal struggle and self-condemnation for me. never having been in a serious relationship and automatically shunning everyone who has interest in me, while also experiencing romantic & sexual attraction as well as extreme bouts of loneliness & restlessness (such as now, since I have A Big Crush and it’s Killing Me)... it’s hard. I never really understood it until a couple years ago and I’ve been fighting it ever since. my mind wont go completely one way or the other. I just hope it lets me experience closeness sometime soon, because I have a big opportunity for a relationship with someone I really really like and I feel like if I pass this up I might actually die.

[thespacequeer-blog]

so like i was thinking, and ive heard people say that gender is a social construct (this was particularly in my poli sci class but i've never met a bunch of cishet quite like this group) and i disagree with that? like im 100% that the gender binary is a social construct because i've never seen anything that makes as little sense as the gender binary but gender itself? nah. gender in part of how i think about myself -- and i know ive got some gross internalized transmisogyny going on but im trying to fix that. but gender is pretty important to me. and not in a 'what will i wear today' kinda way, but in a 'this is who i am' way. i guess the thing that bugged me the most is that when the class said that gender was a social construct they implied that a persons genitalia isnt, and that genitalia is what makes people people and that is like super gross. like super super gross. i know i've got some followers that know more about this stuff than me, so what do you think?