just gonna vent here for a second. under a readmore. ignore this if you want.
so i’ve been having a huge issue lately with loss of muse. john, sam, my other blogs. i have muses that come and go, and when my muse is nonexistent, i don’t touch tumblr or even discord usually. and with the personal stuff me and the wife have been going through recently, it’s been effecting both my mental health and my muses. but when i have muse, i try to communicate with people and encourage people to come to me with their muses.
if you’re not willing to help me with plotting or move it past plotting, that’s on you. if i can’t think of a plot or a connection, i try anyway. i will try to write with just about anyone, and i am always happy to talk to people if they come to me, whether it’s just to talk or because of an issue.
as it is, my wife and i have been going through ivf for almost a year, with multiple losses, and we both struggle with chronic pain. for the first time in a long time, we’re both in a place to get help for both our physical and mental health. coming up on our one-year anniversary, we both recognized that we needed to take some time for ourselves to strengthen our relationship. we were stressed out, ignoring each other, and being inconsiderate of one another’s feelings, at the detriment of our relationship.
so we both went on a temporary hiatus. given that i was barely active, i didn’t talk about it then, but my wife did. she poured her heart and soul out and let everyone know we were gonna be gone. to work on ourselves and our relationship.
we weren’t sure we were coming back entirely, and have barely been active online. neither of us have been talking to people really. mostly because between being back at work and having hundreds of doctor’s appointments, we just. didn’t have the time to be online.
but to be told that taking time for us is a problem? when people could have reached out to us at literally any point to say ‘hey, i’m struggling’ or ‘can we talk’? that’s bullshit. yes, friendship is a two-way street. but when you’re not even gonna walk down the street yourself, then how do you expect someone to want to meet you halfway? if you don’t talk to me, i tend to forget people are there. it’s not me being an asshole, it’s literally that my person permanence is pretty much zero if you’re not in my face.
as it is, i just started a whole new cocktail of meds, half of which i haven’t even technically started yet, and i’m trying to figure out who i am when i can actually function. i’m trying to figure out who i am, who my wife is, and who we are together as a couple. and getting bitchy because you didn’t reach out to us and we’ve been busy?
blocking people for asking a simple question?
that’s childish and no mental illness or spiralling is an excuse. if you have an issue, come to me. if you want to talk to me, talk to me. i’m really fucking done babying people who claim to want to be friends but do nothing about it. so i’m gonna go back on hiatus for a while, and if i do come back, i’m gonna be updating my rules severely.
