ahyoung honestly doesn't expect to get second. it's actually kind of funny. she barely tried.
okay, well, maybe she more than barely tried. she did work to make a good track, and perfect the mashup of quartz raps she performed for her audition, but she knows people that ranked lower than her probably worked harder.
that might give any normal person some feeling of imposter syndrome, but not ahyoung. it's just funny, as most things are to her. she does take it as a compliment, too. one way or another, the judges liked her. she doesn't blame them for that, really. she is super cool.
she doesn't really care what happens next. she actually forgets she's in second fairly quickly, among all of the practicing and learning and feedback. she can tell some of the other contestants are so desperate to succeed here. ahyoung isn't. she almost feels bad when she watches the other practice. it almost wants to make her work harder herself. she mostly just thinks, damn, this is these peoples' dream and they couldn't beat me, who doesn't even give a shit?
she doesn't really think she's better than them. the judges seem to think so, at least for now, though, and that's...pathetic. funny. both. she's sure people would be pissed at her if they knew this was what she was thinking about throughout the week, but lucky for ahyoung, no one can read minds. to her knowledge.
she mostly just practices because she has nothing better to do, at least at first. it's a cool opportunity, no doubt. she gets to be on tv, she gets to learn about kpop from a bunch of pros, she gets to become better at singing and dancing and rapping – all wins in ahyoung's book, and certainly enough for her in this situation. it's hard work, though. more work than she's used to, and more work than she likes, but she holds back most complaints and does as she's told for once in her life when the coaches tell her to do something.
she's sure, if they keep her around, she'll cause more of a fuss, if only because she'll get bored with all of this, but for now, she's content to be normal.
a couple days in, though, ahyoung compares herself enough to the others that she thinks if she tries hard enough, she might really be able to do it: become the center for the girls. the theme song of this season is rap-heavy, and ahyoung is too, so that might benefit her. she knows she's not the best singer or dancer in this competition, but she's also not the worst. some of these rappers can barely hold a tune and she'll never look like a bad dancer as long as yuwol is left in the competition.
why not try, right? she doesn't lose anything for putting in effort just to see if she can do it. ahyoung doesn't care enough to get disappointed if she doesn't become center, and it would be more boring to sit around and do nothing than actually put work in and practice.
so put in work and practice she does, and it honestly is fun. she gets feedback, both good and bad, and she smiles through all of it, honestly. ahyoung's feelings are hard to hurt and her confidence is, for the most part, unshakable, she takes any criticism and praise with a grain of salt, and resolves to just do her thing.
she definitely gets better at singing and dancing over the course of the week. maybe it takes her a little too long to remember all the steps for the choreography, but once she has everything memorized, she thinks she executes it fairly well.
by the time the day of the performance in front of the judges arrives, she feels more excited than anything else. she doesn't over-practice. she drinks water, and chats with anyone who looks too nervous while they wait – at least as much as they want to chat with her.
it's her turn to step up to the plate before long, and she pops up from her seat with a smile.
when she arrives in front of the judges, she grins, waves, and bows to them quickly.
the music kicks in before long, and honestly, ahyoung really likes do better. it's fun. the lyrics are playful, the melody is interesting enough, the raps are substantial, and the choreography isn't too hard. she thinks parts of it are pretty boring, honestly, but that's probably better for her, considering her lack of experience with dancing.
she tries to embody it from the first uh huh. it's attitude. ahyoung certainly has enough of that, especially when she raps.
we wanna go hard
we wanna get it on right now
rapping and dancing at the same time isn't too hard for her. it's singing and dancing at the same time that's more challenging, so the prechorus has always been her most problematic spot. she thinks she gets through it okay, though. she thinks her energy can probably compensate for anything she lacks in the talent department, because she certainly tries to look like she's having fun.
it is fun, really. she even likes the small dance break in the chorus. something she enjoys about dancing is that it's really all about energy. of course, it's important to hit the moves, and to be relaxed when you do, but in ahyoung's observations, a decent dancer with good energy is better than one with good technique that seems lifeless. that's what will differentiate a center from anyone else, especially when they're only dancing to an instrumental.
does she have the right energy? she hopes so. she hope so? eugh.
the first chorus is the easiest of the choruses.
her favorite part of the whole song is actually the female rap in the second verse, where she has to rap and body roll at the same time. it's just fun. it makes her feel like she's on her hot girl shit, or whatever.
i know, i explore through your mind
time will pass if you hesitate, why hold back?
i’ve been honest enough up till now
now it’s your turn to show it
you’re at a checkmate inside of me
she tries to keep her energy up throughout the song, but she does get tired near the end. she knows her singing has to sound far too breathless for their vocal instructors' liking in the final chorus, but she'll take it. it's good enough for ahyoung.
she heaves a deep breath when she finishes, but she smiles. considering she is not a particularly athletic gal, she thinks she did fine. good enough to be center? who knows. the judges, presumably, and she'll know soon enough, too.
