Because I’m a fking knob and clearly don’t have any idea what my queue has and don’t bother checking it before answering to messages, HELLO, EVA, have some parent AUs
Who cried when they brought their child home for the first time:
Neither? But Murphy made a show about taking them on a house tour.
Who would wake up in the middle of the night to check on the kid(s):
Murphy.
Who changes the kid(s) diapers:
Raven. Murphy changed his first one only after Raven threatened to put his head into the bin with all the dirty diapers in it, and then when he did change it, he naturally went on to make a huge scene about it.
Who makes the bottles:
Murphy. It’s probably the only thing he trusts himself enough to do.
Who stays up late at night to rock the kid(s) to sleep and sing them lullabies:
Raven.
Who is guilty of spoiling the kid(s):
I think the both of them are, but Murphy even more so. He tries to resist it at least sometimes but how can you say no to a kid that’s staring at you with two big brown eyes that they’ve obviously inherited from her, asking for an extra cookie from the sweets cabinet? Murphy definitely can’t.
Who would give the kid(s) cookies in the middle of the night:
Murphy. That guy’s got no chill.
Who always takes the kid(s) side:
Raven. Up to a point that it actually irritates Murphy which then again doesn’t really require much, but well.
Who would wake up early to make breakfast for the kid(s) before school:
Raven. Just because Murphy is a shitty cook and everyone knows it. BUT every now and then he does the morning duties and every piece of their breakfast comes from a jar.
Who gets the kid(s) ready for school in the morning:
Raven is in charge, though he does help. And the few times Murphy is the only person put in charge of that all, he forgets something important like their lunches and ends up giving them a bit too much money to make up for it, because naturally he needs to bribe them not to say a word to Raven -- but of course they always do.
Who takes the kid(s) to school:
Murphy. Just because he knows Raven likes her work way more than he likes his, so letting her get a head start on her day is just something he gives without even thinking about it that much. Of course he usually takes them there late, but well. He tries.
Who goes to parent teacher conferences:
Murphy. Just because he doesn’t trust the teachers one damn. And I have a feeling Raven might actually appreciate his no bullshit attitude with a system that’s known to favor those it sees fit.
Who will be the first to suggest to have ‘the talk’ with the kid(s):
Raven. And they both are there to do it but Raven ends up telling Murphy to leave because he just can’t be serious about it.
Who would choose their child(s) prom outfit:
They’d let their kid do it though Murphy would probably frown at everything flashy and low-cut and too brightly colored to which Raven would promptly respond with a good ol’ elbow to his ribs and two tightly knit brows as a reminder that he’s not the one wearing it.
Who would cry when the kid(s) go off to college:
I don’t even know about Raven but Murphy would sure as hell bite his teeth and when Raven would notice, he’d tell her to shut the fuck up and head someplace else for a moment or two.
Who cried when they brought their child home for the first time:
Neither. And if someone did it was Joey but purely because of the hormones.
Who would wake up in the middle of the night to check on the kid(s):
Both, I think? He’s just a tiny bit paranoid, and Joey’s irregular sleeping patterns and nightmares probably disrupt her sleep enough for her to wander around their place at some nights.
Who changes the kid(s) diapers:
Wesley is a self-proclaimed shit bucket and changes diapers like a man. Aka keeps the child an arm’s length away until they’re clean again.
Who makes the bottles:
Both. Though since Joey’s kinda attached to the baby/babies more closely than he is, he doesn’t mind doing it whenever he just can.
Who stays up late at night to rock the kid(s) to sleep and sing them lullabies:
He can’t sing to save his life, but Wesley does have the habit of humming old rock classics (only when Joey can’t hear or see) just because he heard that the vibration of a parent’s chest can soothe a crying baby or that’s what he tells himself.
Who is guilty of spoiling the kid(s):
I think Joey? Wesley would probably spoil them too, but in his less obvious way, you know.
Who would give the kid(s) cookies in the middle of the night:
Joey?? Wesley would probably just pretend not to notice if they went to fetch a cookie by themselves.
Who always takes the kid(s) side:
Depends. Any outside threat and both Joey and Wesley have their war-gear on.
Who would wake up early to make breakfast for the kid(s) before school:
Wesley doesn’t have trouble waking up early, and against all odds, is actually a pretty good cook. Or at least he makes a good breakfast table. And Joey has her hands full making sure everyone gets up in the first place, so of which Wesley can’t be put in charge of since he just basically drags them out of their beds; Joey at least tries to be a bit gentler than that.
Who gets the kid(s) ready for school in the morning:
Both. Wesley handles breakfast and being a walking clock, Joey oversees dressing up and teeth brushing; usually having to turn a few shirts over and remind them that brushing teeth should take more than ten seconds.
Who takes the kid(s) to school:
There was a point when the kids had trouble settling to their new school and got bullied and kept it a secret since they know how flammable both of their parents are when it comes to certain things, which was when they realised that Wesley’s passing presence was enough to make the kids quit. So, whenever it’s humanly possible, it’s usually Wesley.
Who goes to parent teacher conferences:
Joey. Wesley comes only when their kids have done something wrong -- mostly because he doesn’t have the patience to deal with other idiocies those conferences might hold. Or interest in listening and registering what’s going on. Also, he hates feeling stupid and few of the teachers are very aware of his lack of education and always give him somewhat pitying looks, so it’s all about keeping himself from punching anyone.
Who will be the first to suggest to have ‘the talk’ with the kid(s):
Joey. Wesley would assume they just know.
Who would choose their child(s) prom outfit:
Neither? I mean, both Wesley and Joey would police about everything too revealing or douchey lmao but that’d be it.
Who would cry when the kid(s) go off to college:
Neither. They’re not really the crying type tbh.