#*  meta.

[despairology]

character development / accepting.  @dolores-agnelli sent:   5, 6, 7, 17, 19, 36 👀

on an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

A black and red Nokia, spearmint chewing gum, lipstick (either a muted brown, dark red or black), hair grips and a hair tie, and a CD Walkman with headphones - the CD changing day by day... the newest addition being Curve’s ‘Gift’.

does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

When does she not have recurring dreams. Sometimes, there are just repetitive visuals... endless stairways that disappear into darkness, graveyards that go on forever, people she’s never met but knows are long since gone ... they progressively become more coherent though, less like a random barrage of images and more like a Lady Gaga music video... abstract but containing an interpreted narrative. Her dreams are also the only place she is able to Communicate with Death, especially if she’s extremely tired, but any prolonged conversation runs the risk of her being completely non-responsive to her roomates’ efforts of waking her up.            On rare occassion, she dreams ‘outside of herself’, wherein she lives a life entirely different than her own (any century, country, etc.) . These can be vivid and visceral, to the point where she completely forgets her own identity, and unbeknown to her - they are the past lives of those that have passed on... 

does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

To some, her dreams could be nightmares, but she doesn’t see them as particularly terrifying. The only one that has cropped up more than once is her waking up in her room, finding her house is completely void of any life apart from herself, or that she is the last person left alive on Earth.

what was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

Unfortunately Sophia was a child well before Monster High or Living Dead Dolls were on the scene... so any Barbies she had were frequently ‘customised’. She had a few bisque dolls but had a habit of pawing over pretty things that were Very Breakable, so they were displayed at the top of a book shelf out of her reach. When she was very young, she used to carry around a plush of Marvin the Martian but lost it on a train. 

what is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

The most obvious is the whole ‘betrothed to Death’ thing. It’s a... grey area for her, leading to a lot of relationships ‘fizzling out’, despite the intensity of appreciation and affection Sophia freely gives - maintaining that connection with her becomes difficult. With friends, this is less of an issue but with romantic entanglements... she labours under the fear she is betraying her partner’s trust - at the same time hypocritically making little effort to communicate how complicated her ‘It’s Complicated’ status with Death is. Due to this, she can be secretive and withdrawn at times. Even to those close to her there is a sense that she’s a little out of reach. And it takes a lot for her to actually talk about an issue that is clearly plaguing her mind - even if she wears her emotions easily.

how does your character behave around people they dislike?

Depends on the circumstance. A colleague or student in class she will put up with but it’s clear she’s less affable and warm. In more severe cases, she can have some bite to her bark. She tried to be impassive to any snide remarks in secondary school but towards the later years, before college, she was susceptible to getting into fights with anyone who was being overtly malicious and homophobic towards her parents.             

[despairology]

character development / accepting.  @dolores-agnelli sent:  4, 11, 22, 23, 30 [chinhands]

has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? if so, does anyone else know?

If anything has changed her, she would only be able to realise the transformative aspect of the experience in retrospect... and the subsequent change in her character from that experience would be more gradual and unnoticeable. She used to just dismiss a lot of Weird Goings On as normal, occurences subtle enough that she could rationalise them; blaming a whispering voice when she was going to sleep on her subconscious, ignoring a murder of crows perched on the same telegraph pole when she opened and closed her curtains, thinking ‘nice’ when the image of a skull is burned into her toast...           There are times where even she admits her life has changed though, the most notable being Aggstein Castle, but that was more a case of unlocking something she always felt was dormant... like Carrie unleashing the full potential of her telekinetic magicks after pig’s blood has been poured on her - just nowhere near as traumatic. After which, it was a case of aforementioned moments of ‘unreality’ suddenly becoming noteworthy and sensical. She becomes a lot more perceptive, sensitive to Certain Vibes (a hallway feeling a couple of steps longer, a sudden growth of hawthorn in her garden, the compulsion to cry when passing roadkill). She's fairly vocal about noticing these happenstances, and this habit is just seen as a quirk by her family, but the  actual experience that resulted in her +5 Perception is kept under lock and key...             Otherwise, she marks visiting her aunt in London as somewhat life-changing - when she realised she wanted to pursue desairology and mortuary work, thanks to her aunt being a taxidermist (of animals - not people). That and her first experience of personal loss, the death of her Gran. The grief opened her eyes to how harrowing it feels to lose a loved one, but ultimately heightened her sense of empathy with those who are suffering the same.

in what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

Dolores saying there’s someone in her house then suddenly hanging up... Funnily, out of everything Sophia has been through, she could have never expected a serial killer targeting her friend... 

what does your character like in other people?

Confidence, compassion and a sense of humour. She’s easily swayed by people who seem knowledgeable and experienced - and who are passionate about their respective interests, but is easily put off by preaching, or feeling like she is being talked at rather than talking with. Naturally, she is drawn in by mystery - if she’s partial to someone she can be interrogative, even invasive. To be honest though she’s interested in everyone she meets, and while she knows what she likes - she’s always open to being surprised! 

what does your character dislike in other people?

Unwarranted confrontation, people who feel the need to establish some sense of superiority over others - trying to control a conversation. 

what does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

Her threshold for grossness is pretty high, at least to do with anatomy. She’s had to reconstruct a skull that has suffered blunt force trauma before... if anything she’s more disgusted by the possible culture around fetishising the dead body (as in - in a real life context) . Being part of an online forum for those in the funeral directory service, everyone is respectful and sensible most of the time, but there have been instances where an unrecognisable user has repeatedly asked her to send ‘before and after’ photos of her work... which is not only lawfully wrong but ethically so - an infringement of the deceased’s family’s trust. Anyone who has credentials in the mortuary business would know this, so it’s obvious when there’s a POSER, but it doesn’t make the experience any less repulsive, and she’s not naive to the possibility that there is probably someone out there willing to provide requested materials for the right price... At the end of the day, she’s more disgusted by what the living are capable of rather than the dead. 

[despairology]

what tarot card are you ?

THE EMPRESS. ----------------------------------------------------------

You are only independent insofar as you have others to care for. This makes you dependent in your independence. They want your knowledge, your skills, your talents, your affection. What can they give in return? “Teeth” is not an acceptable answer, nor is “keeping the shadows to the corners”, nor is “glory”, nor is “love”. There is no acceptable answer, no gift of a magnitude which can match the thing you know, which is that they are taking from you. They are stealing from you. You should stop them from doing that, darling. You only have so much to give. You are not infinite, and when they have taken their last they will remind you of that. My advice is this: give enough to keep them at bay, but be careful. Their teeth can turn on you too. There is no easier way to make an animal dangerous than by feeding it. 

tagged by: @dolores-agnelli​ 🤫 tagging: you ! 

[despairology]

HEADCANON: GRAN.

When Sophia was a child, she spent many afternoons and evenings being babysat by an elderly woman named Mrs. Lovegrove who lived down the road from she and her two mothers. Mrs. Lovegrove had a thick west country accent, was regarded by others in the village as ‘batty’ and was tenaciously self-sufficient and tender-hearted. From her, Sophia learned to bake bread, cultivate fruit and vegetables, and the pair would often visit the local moors where a herd of wild sheep roamed. Mrs. Lovegrove was more than au fait with local legend, animatedly orating stories of women who left their unhappy marriages to live in the hollow cavities of trees, giants who hurled boulders at each other in battles to claim the moor for themselves, and a spectral gravedigger -- mourning the deceased who had no family left to mourn them.               Mrs. Lovegrove would also confide in Sophia that, in 1981, she lost her daughter to breast cancer. The memory of Mrs. Lovegrove’s grief doubled as Sophia’s earliest memory of crying.              It wasn’t long before Sophia dubbed Mrs. Lovegrove ‘Gran’ and Mrs. Lovegrove nicknamed Sophia ‘Boots’, due to her preference for wearing wellingtons and, when she was older, platforms. Even when Sophia was old enough to not have to be supervised, she and her Gran would frequently visit one another much like any family, especially during the spring and autumn equinoxes, and summer and winter solstices. Sophia would also tell Mrs. Lovegrove about her vivid and recurrent dreams, in which she was lost in a labyrinthian castle yet felt no fear nor need to escape, only a hunger to learn its history and secrets. Her Gran would encourage that this hunger was ‘natural and healthy’ and ‘any woman worth her own mind should seek unknown answers to impossible questions.’           Sadly, a few months before Sophia left home for university, Gran passed away. Sophia felt the loss, like suddenly being submerged in cold water, before she was told; Mrs. Lovegrove died painlessly and peacefully in her sleep at ninety-two years old. For weeks, Sophia was devastated by her own grief, prone to random flights of bursting into tears, barely able to verbalise her mourning to her concerned mothers, guilty that her life should go on while her Gran’s ended.           Her grief only stabilised into something manageable a day after Gran’s funeral. During an August afternoon, she was napping on the sofa, dreaming of nothing but the blackbirds crooning outside her window and  the sun draping her skin as she slept. The golden touch felt profoundly warm on her hand, to the point where she, even in her conscious mind, thought her palm was being held by another -- so perceptibly loving in its familiarity and impossibly real that the sensation woke her. She asked her mothers if they held her hand while she was asleep, to which they replied they didn’t.           Upon reflection, Sophia considered it a final departing farewell and an assurance that she needn’t suffer so much anymore, and begin embracing her own life again.

[despairology]

lofi hip hop headcanons to relax / study to / no longer accepting.  

@feartank sent: ❤  does your muse have an embarrassing favorite movie?

There’s not much Sophia would consider embarassing... The question itself implies finding emotional value and sentiment in a film that’s widely panned, rather than movies that are so bad it’s good. But Sophia isn’t easy to shame... unless you knew how much she pretended to be Jessica in Phantom of the Paradise as a kid, complete with a borrowed dress from her mother, Phillipa, and a hairbrush to sing into. 

 ✉  what is the worst texting slip up your muse has ever experienced?

Texting is a futuristic concept ... she’s not part of that world. The closest comparison would be her activity on online forums of mortuary/funeral directory communities, where she has a habit of being too free with information on her practice -- trusting whoever it is on the other side of the screen is, in fact, in the same profession she is and their goal is the same as hers (supporting grieving families as much as she can). there’s all kind of  fetishistic WEIRDOS out there -- or worse -- and Sophia may need to think twice before answering certain questions that ask for cheaper alternatives to preserve bodies.  

⌚  what is your muse’s go to excuse for being late?

There are some days where she accidentally sleeps well beyond her alarm. In one occurence, a friend tried to wake her for class in the morning and after being unsuccessful, panicked and checked for a pulse. Thankfully, Sophia was Definitely Alive, but it shone light on an issue that, while has only cropped up recently, warranted discussion after she woke up, since her friend was convinced Sophia had fallen into an inexplicable coma. However, she’s never suffered any symptoms of sleep paralysis and it’s only occassional at most, and she knows from her dreams that the cause isn’t a concern that requires medication or therapy...          Otherwise, a more common reason for being late is public transport. 

[anarchicly]

while  the  game  of  detroit  is  based  around  the  revolution  of  the  androids  &  obtaining  their  freedom,  i  tend  to  delve  deeper  into  my  portrayals  of  the  characters  i  write,  probably  a  little  too  much.  i  don’t  cling  myself  to  canon  material  &  often  find  myself  creating  my  own,  just  like  i  have  done  with  north.  i’ve  written  her  on  &  off  for  two  years,  since  the  release  of  the  game,  &  have  somewhat  transformed  her  into  my  own  oc.  in  my  portrayal,  i’ve  decided  on  my  default  main  verse  having  markus  being  shot  &  killed  by  the  police  during  a  peaceful  protest  in  downtown  detroit.  this  results  in  north  taking  over  as  the  leader  of  jericho.  throughout  the  game,  we’re  shown  north  being  heartless  &  essentially  cold  towards  human.  she  is  violent  &  believes  humans  cannot  be  reasoned  with;  however,    i  believe  in  the  aspect  of  legacies.    after  seeing  what  markus  accomplished  by  retrieving  all  the  blue  blood  &  androids  components  from  the  cyberlife  manufacturing  build,  north  began  respecting  markus  to  no  end.  most  importantly:    she  respected  his  beliefs.    she  made  the  decision  to  follow  in  his  footsteps  &  follow  through  with  a  peaceful/passive  revolt,  which  she  knew  is  what  markus  would  have  wanted.  in  any  game  ending  with  north  becoming  the  leader  of  jericho,  this  is  antithesis  to  what  the  writers  have  &  is  not  an  option.  i  want  the  heavy  emphasis  on  that:    i  am  not  following  a  canon  ending.    i  couldn’t  follow  a  canon  ending,  because  it  takes  away  from  what  it  means  to  be  human,  in  my  opinion.  this  meta  will  revolve  around  my  post-revolution  timeline  of  north  &  the  changes  my  main  verse  affect  throughout  post-revolution  society.

throughout  the  first  year  of  gained  freedom,  she  takes  time  getting  to  know  herself,  just  like  all  the  other  androids.  she  decides  to  legally  make  her  name  north  jericho.  it’s  not  a  pretty  name  nor  does  it  flow  like  a  human  name,  but  she’s  comfortable  with  it.  throughout  her  time  at  jericho,  all  the  androids  there  had  became  her  family;  it  felt  wrong  to  not  make  jericho  her  last  name.  they  also  lay  markus  to  rest  officially,  his  grave  listing  himself  as  markus  manfred.     (if  you  push  leo  &  keep  carl  alive,  markus  will  visit  him  later  in  the  game  &  carl  states  markus  is  his  son,  so  this  makes  sense  to  me;  as  well  as  if  markus  endures  leo’s  abuse,  he  will  call  carl  dad  when  he  suffers  from  his  heart  attack.)     after  a  few  months  in  detroit  &  helping  the  other  newly-freed  androids,      she  decides  to  travel  for  awhile.      after  the  revolution,  north  became  quite  the  public  figure  &  it  became  a  hindrance  in  her  life.  she  didn’t  want  the  reputation  of  being  the  ‘the  androids  leader’  or  ‘markus’  protégé’.      she  wanted  to  be  north.      she  decides  to  travel  through  france,  italy,  new  zealand,  australia;  all  these  places  where  androids  were  viewed  as  people.  it  alters  her  perspective  on  humans.  she  still  doesn’t  necessarily  like  them  &  would  prefer  to  keep  her  distance,  but  she  doesn’t  distrust  them  as  much  as  she  did.  she  has  faith  in  them  &  faith  humans  can  change.  she  has  faith  that  one  day,  they  can  all  live  in  harmony,  just  like  markus  had  envisioned.  

after  a  year  of  traveling,      she  returns  to  detroit.      she  finds  herself  residing  in  a  small  studio  apartment  down  &  begins  to  decide  on  what  she  wants  to  do  with  her  life.  while  she  isn’t  anywhere  close  to  being  best  friends  with  humans,  she  recognizes  not  all  of  them  are  evil  &  bad  people.  she  wants  to  rid  the  world  of  the  evil  ones,  though.  she  begins  training  for  becoming  a  police  officer  &  with  the  help  of  connor,  she  comes  an  officer  for  the  detroit  city  police  department.  upon  becoming  an  officer,  she  joins  a  task  force  assigned  with  taking  down  sex  trafficking  rings  involving  programmed  androids  &  humans  alike.  to  her,      this  is  her  way  of  justice  against  humans.      it  befits  the  mentality  of  north  being  hostile  with  humans,  but  yet,  holding  the  faith  she’s  begun  believing  in.  she  isn’t  wanting  to  hurt  any  human  who  crosses  her  path,  only  the  ones  who  deserve  it;  such  as  pedophiles,  rapists,  sex  traffickers,  et-cetera.    over  time,  she  builds  herself  up  in  the  police  department  &  eventually  becomes  a  detective,  along  with  becoming  an  activist  against  sex  trafficking  for  both  androids  &  humans.  it’s  also  important  to  note,      north  is  a  public  figure.      she  is  constantly  recognized  for  taking  over  as  jericho’s  leader  &  it  is  a  restraint  in  her  job/daily  life.  

her  relationships  with  the  other  androids  from  jericho  is  something  that  needs  to  be  touched  on  as  well.  prior  to  north  leaving  detroit,  she’d  spent  months  helping  the  other  androids  get  used  to  the  new  world.  however,  upon  her  departure,  she  had  self-dissociated  from  them.  they  needed  a  chance  to  get  used  to  the  world  with  her,  or  markus  -  when  he  was  alive,  guiding  them  through  it;  that’s  how  she  perceived  the  idea.  she  didn’t  want  them  to  be  weak  nor  did  she  think  they  were,  but  they  needed  to  get  used  to  being  alone  without  someone  holding  their  hand.  when  north  returns  to  detroit,  she’s  pleased  to  find  them  living  their  lives  without  guidance.  they  aren’t  just      merchandise  on  display      anymore,  as  she  once  said.  once  she  is  completely  settled,  she  does  begin  reaching  out  to  the  androids  from  jericho      (josh,  simon,  et-cetera)      &  begin  stepping  back  into  the  family  aspect  of  everything.  

essentially,  as  time  passes,  north  matures  mentally  regarding  humans  &  her  past  actions.  her  attitude  has  changed  &  there’s  a  slight  ounce  of  optimism,  even  if  it’s  deep  inside.  she  will  always  have  a  type  of  hostility  against  humans  -  they  killed  markus  when  he  did  nothing  wrong,  after  all.  in  my  portrayal,  while  markus  &  north  were  never  romantic,      they  were  platonic  soulmates.      they  were  such  opposites  in  their  views  &  beliefs,  yet  they  were  the  missing  pieces  for  each  other.  they  needed  each  other  &  completed  each  other  in  the  long  run.  north  could  never  be  100%  okay  with  humans  after  all  the  chaos  they  caused  &  how  they  treated  androids  for  the  longest  time.  nonetheless,  north  has  faith  for  them  &  believes  there  is  still  a  chance  for  harmony  between  humans  &  androids,  thanks  to  markus’  beliefs.  

[despairology]

lofi hip hop headcanons to relax / study to / accepting.

@dolores-agnelli sent: ™  if asked, what would your muse think is their defining quality to others?

On a cosmetic level, her monochromatic fashion palette, maybe if that someone has spoken to her about what she does then the fact she’s a desairologist... I guess it depends on who exactly you’re asking to define a quality of hers that stands out the most. She would like to think that those who know her well like friends and family would highlight her enthusiasm and Positive Vibes. But again, I feel like it’s hard to generalise when different people will inevitably have varying answers if asked themselves...           Sophia’s actual response would be fairly dismissive in discomfort due to possibly talking about herself for too long, just a, “Oh, I don’t know... my make-up,” and then deflect onto the person asking, in this case Dolores, and using it as reason to talk about her instead like, “You were a bit quiet at first but I soon found talking with you is effortless.You easily save someone from feeling lonely.”