#*howie do.

[timetear]

cute date idea: you and howie buy lottery tickets together and when it’s howie’s turn to choose their ticket numbers they (seemingly at random) pick, one by one, your full social security number.

[timetear]

howie do... the myth... the legend themself. (source)

[timetear]

howie, who may or may not have parents (their existence or nonexistence remains, as ever, ambiguous), introduces jay @frauddity to their favorite mcdonalds cashier once the relationship starts to get serious. OR OR OR wait OR their favorite diner waitress li @tither

[timetear]

the grocery lister is howie. but also dr mallory to general naird.

[timetear]

should you require this information: howie really is the most fun and chaotic amalgamation of nardwaur, alex horne, and bugs bunny

[timetear]

we all know the extra shrimp colors, yes? well, howie has access to shrimp feelings. they feel feelings your brain is physiologically incapable of comprehending.

you: your ears are whistling...???!

howie: yes, i’m feeling quite vxylzed

[timetear]

howie’s vibe check: the classic twilight zone show now in acidic technicolor leaking from your television (and also your microwave—somehow?)

[timetear]

ENTRY:  A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE.1

NAME.  howie do AGE.  roughly a third of their lifetime SPECIES.  sure look human! GENDER.  can you put the gender on the side, thank you ORIENTATION.  you know how when you’re standing near an icy metal pole you have the inexplicable curiosity to poke it with your tongue? that’s howie2 INTERESTS.  people!!! loves them. revels in knowing the most obscure things about you, the kind of things even you have mostly forgotten PROFESSION.  who’s to say BODY TYPE.  dad-shaped. they’re probably younger than your dad, or possibly even younger than you, but they are always dad-shaped EYES.  blue! HAIR.   brown, short, floppy, styled yet disheveled SKIN.  white and fair, no tattoos or anything like that FACE.  often/sometimes seen wearing a very realistic looking beard or mustache (think: villanelle dressing up as konstantin), flat bushy eyebrows, long face, a naturally androgynous bone structure HEIGHT.  somewhere around 5′4″ but oddly difficult to place, optical-illusion-like, like one of those rooms where if you stand in one corner you look like a giant and in another corner you look tiny COMPANIONS.  very much a wanderer (both by choice and naturally unnatural events), but has taken quite an interest in @frauddity ANTAGONISTS.  who3 COLORS.  teal-ish blue! black and white spiraling together, hawaiian shirt colors, glow in the dark green, the void FRUITS.  all of them, bananas especially, those funny little things DRINKS.  regularly forgets to hydrate ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?  not all that familiar with the custom but has partaken SMOKES?  no DRUGS?  no DRIVERS LICENSE?  absolutely not, still has driven all manner of things (badly) including but not limited to: an automobile, a golf cart, a plane, a blimp, a horse, the united states's congress train shuttle 

TAGGED BY:  @frauddity <3  TAGGING:  you you you!

[1]  There are far subtler ways to call me your muse, Jay.A

          A.)  Do you send out surveys to all your beaus?           I think I recognize @miscreating. Something about           their eyes looks familiar.

[2]  Is Howie youB? Is Howie the pole? Exactly.

          B.)  Howi can I be you? I’m me.

                    i.  Adverb. I’m not asking myself to be myself.                     I’m asking you. Which is to say not me.

[3]  We don’t talk about Who.