i don’t know how to explain how hard on the heart the past few months have been. work is not great, but all the other jobs i’ve applied to either want to exploit my labor or they reject me. i don’t even know what i wanna do anymore. can i even write? is this story worth it? what am i doing? then it’s like my family will ignore me and i feel like they just want me gone, but then they find out i have a skill they need and suddenly we’re best friends? speaking of friends i don’t know where mine have gone. several of them have married, okay i guess that means you can’t hang out with your lesbian friend anymore? my best friend is MIA and i feel bad for even feeling bad about that. oh and just you know, no big deal i’m love with a woman i can never be with so you know there’s that. just trying to be chill about it. just be friends, that’s gotta be enough for me. just be a good friend. but i feel like i’m shitty at that too. you know, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. don’t wanna harsh anyone’s vibe. I just wanna lay down in some moss and let the earth devour me. it’s fine... but it’s not. i don’t know what to do with myself. i’m just on auto pilot because my heart and my mind can’t deal with it, but i got bills to pay.
