#-phoenix

[the-solar-systym]

heard a conversation in our headspace and?? Maya said something about starting a "dead wife club" in here?? I THINK SHE WAS TALKING TO GODOT?? get me out of this brain 😭😭😭

[the-solar-systym]

"why does my inner monologue have an accent?"

i ask, as I'm AWARE that franziska is hovering with me, and I happen to be the most stupid ever

[companionwolf]

OKAY BYE I have to do things.

[companionwolf]

'Objectum/sexuality is on our server blacklist because objects can't consent!' I understand you have a boundary and I respect that but uh

(More thoughts under the cut. CW/TW sexual assault being talked about a bit.)

Hello from a resident of 'we perceive some objects as sapient and often similar to humans' town. Boundaries are cool. However by this logic, using a sex toy is assault and getting intimate with, say, a plushie is too. That's silly and very insulting to survivors, especially as someone who self harmed via similar logic before realizing it's bullshit.

Even if you are POSIC (see: perceive sentience sapience etc objects for whatever reason), either you then are able to perceive consent (or non-consent) from the object and continue accordingly, or (if you are not POSIC), THEN IT'S AN OBJECT VOID OF THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING HURT.

You cannot hurt an object in the same way you can hurt a biological being, if you even believe objects can be hurt at all, since POSIC experience is not universal; our general shared reality typically says there is nothing there to hurt in the first place.

('What about if you're POSIC and you perceive you hurt the object?' This happens, yeah. It happened to us multiple times. At the end of the day, it's still perception, and that's still an object-- regardless of what you perceive and feel you did to the object, you have not objectively done anything.

Saying you hurt an object into the context of assault gets most people really confused and/or concerned for you as well. Source: we did that and our friend had to explain we were not in fact a sexual predator now. We had to take the entire issue to therapy.

Obviously, what happened with us in this situation was fueled by trauma-- and in that case, our perceptions were a means of self harm and reenactment. POSICness is not inherently good.

TLDR: it's still perception and still an object, don't beat yourself up, you didn't commit assault or anything. Maybe talk to a therapist if you can; you don't deserve to carry guilt for that.)

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[companionwolf]

Hey uh we'll be around more tomorrow I think. It was really hard going to sleep last night and when we actually did manage it the dreams were just fucked.

[companionwolf]

Parker? was right. There is no safe place or safe person to talk to about it and never will be. There will never be a confirmation or answer for us. Those outside ourselves can't agree on it.

It's real. It's not real. It's all a terrible lie. It's all a terrible truth. It happens like that; no, it doesn't. It happens at all; no, it doesn't. There's proof. No, there isn't.

I wish we could purge our brain and see what's actually there outside of any potential absorption or contamination. I know that even acting like this, our doubting and fears, they feed into mystification and treating it as larger than life, as some kind of boogeyman.

I don't know what's real and I don't think any of us have for a while now.

[companionwolf]

There is a pattern to it. Someone does something (and that something is often related to [REDACTED]). There is a very bad dream or dreams. The system spins. Higherups say they initiated the spin, either as punishment or safety maintenance or both. The average time between the spins is uh 4ish months?

Before November 25 2024, we had what looks much more like epochal divisions with host changes. Minimum amount of time between changes was 2 years, maximum 7(?) years. No one ever claimed to cause these changes, and they were much slower, more gradual, and not immensely distressing.

There's something here. Maybe that's just a pattern seeking brain desperately looking for an answer, losing to confirmation bias, but something is different and I'd be shocked if it isn't meaningful in some way shape or form, especially since the spins only began (or were able to be noticed) when people began asking specific questions.