Sometimes saying I have sexual trauma feels like stolen valor. I wasn't touched, so nothing counts.
But I think about the sexual implications of what I did face.
At 14 being prioritized as a breeder rather than someone who needs medical attention, because medical intervention could "permanently harm the uterus".
Except now, the lack of medical intervention has turned the uterus they cared more about than my life into nothing more than rotten, scarred tissue so destroyed that it would probably rip itself apart if I wanted a child.
Doctors passed me around like cattle and their only priority was waiting for me to get pregnant.
At 14, my first OBGYN appointment, and the doctor makes comments so crude to me that I had to relearn that doctors aren't supposed to infodump about what they want to do to your vagina.
Being 18, 19, 20. Discovering its not supposed to hurt down there for even just going piss from how scarred the tissue is, but "hey, you pregnant yet?"
Being 14, and getting "the talk" because of how much pregnancy is getting brought up, and being terrified and confused why the conversations about sex are prioritizing death rates, pro-life babies, and the duties of getting pregnant.
I barely remember childhood. But I remember being treated like solely flesh around a sex organ. And spending my teenage years getting constantly bombarded with "don't be a slut" but "get pregnant soon, then you can get treatment."
And maybe that has its own consequences that have made topics on sexual trauma consistently feel relatable.
But what do I know?
I'm just the flesh around the decayed, failing livestock organ.