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[20200101] GOT7Official Update

[TRANS] GOT7 2020 Bucket List Youngjae:

- Be good at singing, to improve and be better than now!!

- A tour around the whole Korea (To know the preciousness of what we have)

- Ahgases and Coco to be happier

trans by haetbitmark

#got7 #youngjae #choi youngjae #twitter update #selca #era: call my name #01012020

Outside the Window

When I was young, say about seven or eight, my closest friend outside the family was our preacher's daughter, who we'll call Michelle. She was nearly two full years younger than me, so it was an awkward sort of friendship, but we were the only two girls in our age group at the church, and my family didn't do many social things outside that. Also, I lived several miles outside the nearest town, so I was rarely able to interact with school friends outside of school.

Yes, we lived 'out in the country', as we called it, not that there was a huge difference in rurality between town and the nominal 'village' our postcode was tied to. A bit more space between houses, a few more hills. Some trees. I didn't think of it much, except to be inexplicably proud of my identity as a 'country girl', the sort of person who was unafraid to bait my own hook, etc. etc.. (Corn memers go away! haha. Though, come to think of it, my first dildo was makeshift, if not necessarily vegetable in nature.)

I suppose I was the only one who didn't see the difference. School friends found it too far and too difficult to come over (despite it only being a nine mile trip), and even Michelle had lots of questions.

"There aren't any wolves, are there? Or BEARS?"

None of that, I told her. Though, I explained, I had heard there was a coyote or two up in the woods behind our trailer. I'd never seen them, though, and no one else in my family had, either. Nothing to be worried about, at any rate. Coyotes were mostly active at night, and didn't present much danger to humans at all.

Being a cock-sure seven- or eight-year-old, I didn't notice she was somewhat less sure.

But the day went on as I expected it to, with lots of games and fun, playing with toys and an old guitar my aunt had given me with the expectation that I'd learn how to play like my father. (Unfortunately, I inherited my mother's stubby fingers; guitar-playing will never be in my future.)

All was well until about half an hour after bedtime, when Michelle got up from her spot on the top bunk, slid down, and knelt beside me in my bed.

"I need to talk to your mommy." She wouldn't tell me why, just that she needed to, so I took her to my mother's bedroom door and knocked.

Honestly, I don't remember what happened after that, as I was quite tired, but I do know it resulted in my dad driving Michelle home at an indecent hour, and me getting a proper rollicking from Mom for scaring Michelle. "She said you told her there were wolves here! She said she was afraid they were going to jump through the windows and eat her, for goodness sake!" Mom did calm down when I managed to explain I'd said none of that, but I was very confused.

After all, from my perspective, I lived in a paradise. Fields to run in, roads to ride my bike, hills to roll down, a pine grove to hide in and play secret games. A creek for clay digging, an old barn full of mysteries, a holly tree overgrown with fragrant climbing roses. Predator animals never crossed my mind, and when Michelle had brought it up, I couldn't possibly have taken it seriously.

We lived in a junky mobile home on a property that was half swamp and half shared with other family members, but I couldn't yet imagine it as anything but Eden. There were only gifts outside my windows. No wolves.

It took some doing to get Michelle to come back, much of that being to imply that I was a lying liar that only wanted to scare her. I resented the implication, but I missed her company more, so I allowed it.

Not long after, the church had a split, her father lost the pastorship, and I didn't see much of her after that. The politics of adults, and all those accompanying things.

But I always wondered what she thought was outside her windows, for I knew there were coyotes in the town just as well as there were in the country.

#a year of writing #01012020

10 senedir havai fisek izleyerek giriyorum ama hicbir yilim fisek gibi gecmedi her neyse hg 2020

#roziningünlüğü #01012020 #02.28

Starting off the year depressed. Off to a great start.

#me #depression sucks #01012020

Çok güzel gülüyorsun ama beni üzüyorsun’

#01012020 #22:09

to more self-love and self-acceptance this 2020

#01012020 #days #litratos