// i’m hurting myself by writing these, but i know that i need to do this character development.
* / stage two: anger It wasn’t long after everything that happened before the emotions that she wasn’t feeling surface. They were not good emotions either. The anger was hard on her. It felt like it was all consuming and she tried to hold it back at bay. Somehow, it crept through her veins, poisoning everything that is came into contact with. Poisoning her against herself, those closest to her. it was all consuming and if she was honest, kind of terrifying. It was something that she had never really felt in her life. She had felt rage and anger in her life, but never to this degree. Never to where it made her act completely out of character. Was it out of character or had she always been an angry type of person and just been pushing it out. There had been too many things that made her feel like she was losing control of her life.
The constant snapping and yelling at people at work had been getting to be something that was considered the norm. Charleston really didn’t want to be known as the angry person, but there was just so much that she was angry about. She was the most mad at herself. She had enabled at the very least everything that happened. She beat herself up every single day, there was always something that reminded her. Whenever the blonde thought that maybe she could finally start to move past it and maybe move on, to start to try the healing process, there was something that would rip the wounds open, all fresh again. The pain radiated through her body, begging to be felt. Everything thing in her being saying to allow herself to feel it. That was was normal, but her brain told her that it wasn’t. That this much pain and anger was not normal.
The internal battle seemed to overflow often, though she always made sure that there weren’t others around for her bigger outbursts. Work seemed to be the harder between her family and friends. The day resulted in leaving early. The tears freshly prickling her eyes, as she knew that she didn’t need to react, that she could just let it be apart of her forever. However, Charlie knew that she couldn’t stand having this eating at her every single day of her life, but she just didn’t know how to fix it or to make these type of feelings go away. As she pushed open the house door, slamming it shut, harder than was really needed. She was glad that no one was home. Matt was at work and the children were both with the babysitter.
Breaking things tended to help her feel better, she knew that she needed to get a better coping mechanism, but right now it worked for her and she was okay with it. The tears streamed down her face, shaking her hands hoping to shake the feelings out. She didn’t like to be like this, she felt like a broken record that just did the same thing over and over. The glass shattered across itself, before breaking over itself and falling onto the ground. The shards covering the ground as her fingers gripped across the golf club. The tears starting fresh, as they rolled down her already tear stained cheeks. She was determined tomorrow to start finding something healthy to cope with losing a child.
Charleston wasn’t sure how long she sat on the floor crying. Soon enough her eyes were a puffy red as she finally ran her hands through her hair not even having the courage to look at herself in the mirror. She knew for a fact that she was a wreck, but who could blame her. She still blamed herself for the miscarriage and it wasn’t something that was easily changing. Charlie slowly pulled herself up from the ground as her legs were weak and barely were able to hold her upright as she made her way up the wall. Making her way into the kitchen she gets a broom and dust pan cleaning up the glass and the mirror. Making it as if nothing had ever happened. It was the normal for her and she knew that the anger stage wouldn’t last forever.