#02.20.2022

[swiftletinthecloud]

Didn’t see it earlier but that Fürth own goal came from a Müller pass meant for Lewy 😭 That could have been a Müllendowski goal.

That was still counted as a Thomas assist right? They can’t take that away from him.

[bumzu-is-my-everything]

[jocy-diaries]

02.20.2022

You know when you have so many dreams that you wake up exhausted from all that happened? That was today for me. I want to type it all out in detail but I know trying to do that will make me just as tired, so I’ll just write out the basic premise. In the first dream I was part of a group and I wasn’t very liked, so when we held our play performance I was given the part of the grieving widow of the enemy commander who directly counteracted with the grieving widow of the main commander. I didn’t mind because I liked my character, she played the exact role as the lead character but because her husband was ‘the enemy’ her grieving was deemed bad while the main character deserved condolences. In the aftermath of that dream, I had to play a Minecraft game to go into a tunnel, past some mobs, and into the safe zone. I did it a couple of times to practice once everyone was logged off and I got pretty good at it and even befriended a tiger. This is all probably because of the Saturday DnD game, I can’t tell if I’m liked or if I’m doing well and since I get to make my own decisions it’s…difficult.

I had another dream in the 18th that’s still stuck with me, this one was because of the book I hd read, Nothing But Blackened Teeth. Me and a group of students took a field trip to a haunted mansion that was actually a mall and we hd to find our way around while also escaping a killer. It was pretty, but near the end a kid got kidnapped and I drove myself sick trying to find him and reunite him with his family. I did in the end, but it was really stressful.

So I woke up late because of all the dreaming, but then I made a pretty good breakfast. I started with making the omelette with green bell peppers this time since we had some, then I made fried plantain, naan bread, and banana beignets~ Then some Barbie movies with my sister~

I’m still low key scared for school. I didn’t do the homework and I have a new DnD game tonight and my sisters hair to help with. I don’t know how I’m gonna survive this semester honestly.

Also when you’re a low key depressed idiot who doesn’t post their diary entries and have to go with three back to back ヽ(ー_ー )ノ Hating myself. But that’s done. And I’m still not doing the things I should because social has taken over priority to academy which spells my downfall. I low key want to die but I won’t and I still have emails to send although I would much prefer someone to send help. Literally my only saving grace is that I don’t have work tomorrow. Oh and a DnD game tonight, with a new group. That’s bound to be interesting…

Also, lol, father is definitely a functioning alcoholic. I don’t think I realized it until now since he admired he started drinking at a young age and just hasn’t stopped and he says drinking helps him think and remember better. God I wish I had his messed up brain. He has the kind of mental illness that makes you get a phd in two years while I have the kind that makes you stare at a piece of paper instead of writing.

God and my whole mouth hurts.. The roof of my mouth has a bump. It feels like the right side of my tongue has a cut. And my left molar gum is weird. This all sucks.

We had the DnD group meeting thing and it’s weird because it’s synchronous but through writing since they don’t wanna do voice? It’s going so slow because of that… And I want to commission my regular person for my DnD character but their commissions are closed ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`) I feel stuck.

One one hand, I think I would rather die than get caught up on all the things I’m late on. On the other hand, I might need to. It’s getting so ridiculous because I want to get caught up but by the time I do that I’m late on something else, what’s even the point? There are things I’ve decided are just too important for me to compromise on and that leaves little to no space for this. God this feels more and more like a morale. A horrendous stupid mistake that I don’t know how to fix.

[thedeadd0ll]

I wonder if sunsets will always make me think of you

[swiftletinthecloud]

Choupo Moting goal with Serge’s assist!

[swiftletinthecloud]

How is that a yellow on Kimmich? He definitely got that ball first.

[swiftletinthecloud]

Lewy!!! With a Süle assist! How’s that for those saying he shouldn’t play just bc he signed for BVB.

[swiftletinthecloud]

Can we get a good attack going that doesn’t fizzle out please?