XCIV: I Think I'm Just Weirded Out
Oh god, I think I’m really afraid of commitment. I think my mind and every single ounce of my body just naturally repels feelings because I feel like, like. Yeah I like Love and… And what? It’s really weird. But at times I feel like it’s too much and maybe it’s just fear? Fear of like, losing someone I like I guess so I automatically start to decrease the amount of feelings I have for someone. But at the same time once I feel like someone else has an interest or a grasp of the person that I have feelings for, it’s like a switch. Like I just flare up and like, not have it. I don’t want to see the person I like with someone else but at the same time, when things get too couple-y I get kinda weirded out. Yeah, I’m weird. I don’t know. It’s always like this and for some reason when I feel this way for a guy I just kind of let it go without doing anything, putting up any effort. And once it’s gone I feel kind of sad and disappointed. It’s so weird. Maybe I just have to accept the fact that someone can hurt me but I just have to trust that they won’t. It just sucks because I feel like I’ve done that, not whole-heartedly, nevertheless attempted to trust someone and give someone ym all but everything just ended and I don’t like that feeling. And I don’t want that to happen between Love and I. It’s weird. Maybe this is why I’m single. No, I’m pretty sure this is why I’m single. But I don’t know. I want to try. And just let it go. Let it goooo. Let it gooooooo.
