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04x27 - The Quick And The Dead

Pete and Robin are driving around and joking together about whether Alec Peters went to his fitness test or not. Robin calls in to ask and Yorkie says he did, but jokes they had to drive him out with a baton charge.

Alec tells the instructor that he's not worried about anything and he's only there for the fun of it and he thinks he's in good nick for his age. The instructor smiles. "How old are you, 50?" "No, I'm 43...." he pouts.

Pete insists the fitness test should be compulsory as there's too many 40-a-day men with beer guts milling around the job as they're no use in a riot. "I don't think Alec Peters attends riots..." Robin reasons. Pete asks Robin if he's going and he says he will. After work. If he has time. "Yeah yeah...."

The instructor starts by telling Alec he's carrying a little too much extra cushioning. "I've always been like that, even as a child!" They take his blood pressure and then want his heart rate so wire him up to go on a bike for 6 minutes. Alec's expression... 💖

Robin and Pete happen across a group of robbers but they manage to get into their car and drive away so Pete chases after them in the van. Robin calls for backup and circulates their reg. "It's alright, I'm just maintaining contact, I'm not pursuing..." Pete says innocently. The passengers decamp and leg it. The driver is caught but claims he was hijacked and forced to drive with a knife at his throat. Pete doesn't believe a word of it and puts him in the back of the van.

Alec in bits within a couple of minutes, gasping for breath. He asks how a frenemy got on but the instructor won't tell him. Instead he makes the bike ride slightly harder.

June is dealing with the shop owners who were robbed. Both suspects were white, one was slightly older and one held a knife to the wife's throat. It was all over £60!

Alec survives and returns to work but Tony has confiscated his cake. "It's not stodge! It's the wife's specialty!" he snaps, claiming it back.

Malcolm sneaks behind Alec's CAD desk and lifts up his fitness printout. "What's your rating? Below average? Sarge!" Tony and Yorkie tut as Alec points out it could have been worse - it could have been poor or medically unfit. "Well, mine was excellent." Malcolm grins.

June visits a home that has reported a burglary. She's absolutely baffled when she hears that a gravestone has been stolen. It was marking the grave of Gloria, the old owner, Mrs Purdy's cat. They'd looked it up and it was worth around £200 (!) The husband claims he should look at Mrs Purdy's son because he took everything but the wallpaper when he moved her into sheltered housing.

Pete brings in the driver and Robin reports that no one from CID is in. Pete tells him he's already gotten permission to deal with the case himself. The car is not reported lost or stolen and it's being ripped apart by the police mechanics to see if there's anything hidden or dodgy. Again the man protests his innocence and says he doesn't need a solicitor as he hasn't done anything. He doesn't know the men; they carjacked him and forced him to drive for them. Pete asks why would he do their time as well as theirs. He only stopped to check his roadmap and that's why the engine was still running when they got in. Pete doesn't buy that he was only speeding away because of a knife to his throat because he continued driving and didn't stop and wait for the police after they'd bailed out. The driver snaps that he was frightened and was working on autopilot.

Tony knocks out 20 sit-ups in the middle of CAD whilst Alec couldn't give a stuff. He then starts to lecture him about his heart beating a good 20bpm faster than a fit person's heart. (Is it wrong to be slightly amused at the irony of Tony not being too dissimilar to Alec when he hits the same age?)

Yorkie tells Alec that an undertaker has just rung in ("Tell them I'm not ready!") They report that a corpse has gone missing. A young worker left the company's van for approximately a minute to find another worker to ask him to move the Daimler so he could get into the car park. He left it with the keys still in and the body of a 70 year old man in a coffin in the back. The man's sister has made an appointment to view the body in the next couple of hours. They try to delay the appointment, but she's already on the way as they're coming a fair distance.

June calls on Mrs Purdy's son, to tell him about his mother's cat's gravestone going missing. He's not exactly the friendliest of people and he calls the new owners grasping yuppies. He really doesn't give a damn about his mother either, claiming she's trouble.

Pete warns the driver of the car that they have enough to charge him with. He then wonders whether he didn't stop as he was on the way to another job for another mob of robbers. "There isn't some gang of bloggers on a street corner waiting for their wheelman is there?" He asks before shouting at him to ask where he was going. Derek walks in and takes over, telling them to go out on patrol again and telling Pete that Frank kept him up to date so he can continue questioning him (including interrupting his fitness test to tell him about it).

Pete is not a happy boy.

Iris, the dead man's sister, is very surprised that he's not at the undertakers. The husband is very reasonable about it to be fair though Iris seems stunned.

Pete answers a call about two men fighting in the street. "I could do with getting stuck in!" The fight is because the second man hasn't paid a garage owner for £300 work he's done on his car. The second man insists he hasn't been near the garage that he claims to be from. The garage owner went to open up that morning and found the car gone and it parked outside the owner's house. As they arrest the men, Pete and Robin are sprayed with lager from a group of men driving erratically in the back of a van - the undertaker's van!

Derek offers the driver the chance to inform anyone about his arrest. He tells him that he doesn't want to. Derek is completely different to Pete and is very gentle and understanding with him. The driver says he doesn't trust Pete so wouldn't tell him. He admits he was on the way for an interview for a job as a male stripper. ""You won't tell me mum will ya?!" Derek lets him go, sure he's innocent.

June visits Mrs Purdy after not getting much help from her son. She tells June that she didn't want to move from her house but he made her. Everyone she's known and loved from her family died in the house he made her sell. "They took all me furniture... she knows about antiques but only things she didn't want." She then invites her upstairs to see her flat and her boyfriend. "Yes please, to both!" June laughed. As they head up, June hears all about the other sheltered housing residents and how she might find another husband in Gilbert. "That's me boyfriend!" She grins on hearing a knock on the door. It turns out that this old couple, God love them, were the ones who nicked the gravestone of Gloria. "I told you we'd get turned over Babs!" Not only did they pinch the gravestone, but they've got Gloria as a whole and Gilbert ripped his trousers climbing over the wall!

June reports back to the station that it's an unsolved crime and nothing can be found.

Ken finds the undertaker's van complete with beer cans inside. the man who died is still inside. As he goes inside, the youths who took it lock Ken in the back for a few seconds and shake the van before he manages to get free. By the time he calms down after being locked in the back with a body, they've all gone.

Pete reports for his medical at the end of the day. He moves straight to the bike and wants to get started but the instructor won't let him because of his blood pressure. It's too high and he suggests it's stress and that he should speak to his doctor! Pete storms outside, telling Robin - who is was]biting - that it was a bloody waste of time