All parts, no hearts
what amazes me is this person i have finally turned out to be. all the bad turns, bad decisions, influences and at the end of the day, i am still here. breathing and alive. i didn't turn out to be a total sane person but i realize everyone needs that pinch of insanity. soon enough, things will take a turn. for many aspects of what revolves around me. i am waiting patiently for a push, a sign, a light somewhere to probably give me that slight kick out of the norm. but knowing me, i am always treading on the safe side of the waters. i could only imagine what the deep waters would feel, that crazy deadly feeling that you can't touch the ground, and it's either you wade or you sink your way out. i can only let my mind travel through the what-ifs, hold a secret space just for me, to think of what life could have been, what kind of crazy love it was, but still want my feet in the ground. toes wriggling and every grain of sand sending shocks through my veins as they get stuck in between my toenails. and the scariest part is, realizing the fact that this life- is just life as it is. meant to be lived, and die from. i feel like almost everyone would be curious as to how they would live their life at the end, was anything amiss, was there anything we could have done better.. that kind of shit. i am a master at that. and usually when i meet that kind of sharp bend, i hold back a lot of things because knowing what i really want will eventually scare me. i have taken that trip.. but you should know, guilt trips aren't the sort of holiday that you would enjoy. it's the topsy turvy kind of turbulence that either sends you on an all high or really, sends you down for a crash. and when you do, all parts and no hearts, you will forever wait in silence to either wade or even find your ground in that deep void that deafens every single sense of your soul.
