#08.11.11

[educationinothing-blog]

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It was cold as the thoughts lingered in my mind, how could one do such a thing to another? I turned around finally facing the man I once loved, his eyes compellingly looking straight at mine. In the distant moonlight I could still see sadness in them frightful eyes. As he went to open his mouth to speak that sweet sound of manhood that filled me with loving regret, it was too late, in one blink he saw an opportunity and disappeared into the darkness, to change into the secret only the two of us knew. There was silence all around us except for the crunch of the leaves he had made impact to. Then in another blink nothing was safe, not while he was awake.

[mermaidsdrinkfree]

I'll be honest. Sometimes, he's an asshole. But I am too. We can piss each other off like no one else. We're sassy, give each other attitudes, and are sometimes freakishly rude and misunderstanding. 

But sometimes he knows all the right things to say to make me feel better. Sometimes he knows just how to make me realize that I am worth something. He's the only person who has ever told me not to look at myself when I'm feeling down but, to look at all the things I've done for him. Like make him smile, and laugh, and cry, and love me. He's the only person who forces me to open my eyes and see what is real versus what is going on in my head. He makes me realize that I don't have to be perfect because it's not possible. That as long as I'm trying, I shouldn't keep beating myself up. That I may not be perfect but, in his eyes, I am. 

He is my motivation. I am absolutely captivated, enthralled, and even starstruck by this boy and I know that he can see it in my eyes. I adore this kid more than any other person I have ever looked up to. The best feeling of all is knowing that my motivation, best friend, shoulder to cry on, partner in crime, and boyfriend are all balled into one human being that I can't wait to spend forever with. 

[mermaidsdrinkfree]

Sometimes...

I'm just mesmerized. I could spend an hour just staring at his eyes. Even if he isn't looking at me. I could spend the longest time just analyzing his features. Admiring how beautiful he is. How every single one of his chromosomes combined perfectly. How this gorgeous specimen is mine. 

[mermaidsdrinkfree]

My boyfriend >>>>>>>>>>>

[medicated]

08.11.11

Work managed to depress me. But i have to admit i was an asshole because i didn't ask the others if they want to talk about why they seem to be in a bad mood.

I'm still moved to tears when i look at Sheldon. She seems so alone. I would like to talk rat so i can communicate with her.

[mediumhigh]

08.11.11

Americans, like human beings everywhere, believe many things that are obviously untrue…Their most destructive untruth is that it is very easy for any American to make money. They will not acknowledge how in fact hard money is to come by, and, therefore, those who have no money blame and blame and blame themselves. This inward blame has been a treasure for the rich and powerful, who have had to do less for their poor, publicly and privately, than any other ruling class since, say, Napoleonic times.

--Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five