It feels odd just going right back to posting as usual after all the ShitTM that happened to get me here but I guess thats the best I can do. Im still feeling raw about everything and its a very rough patch of my life right now so things just kinda suck in general. It's been very eye-opening to see how many people stopped caring about me and even dumped me entirely when I stopped being funny and started experiencing turbulence. I know that thats the way life will tell you who your real friends are, but it doesnt hurt any less when it happens, yknow?
I think Im gonna give more life updates on this one. I like talking about my day and my inner thoughts, so more of a traditional blog than a microblog but still with some memes and fandom posts and your regularly-scheduled opinions. And I like it when people can see it and interact with me that way. I remember when I was having terrible sleep issues and folks came back weeks later asking if I was able to get insomnia medication for it, and then rejoiced when I told them I did. It was just really nice to have a little online community like that and thats the kind of thing I want to foster here.
So longer more introspective posts, but still your regular memes and fandom stuff and all that. Ive grown into a very different person than the one I was when I started ceasarslegion back when I was... 12 (good god). I love that url and I love that I struck gold with it so maybe one day ill either go back to it or swap it back here. Either way that url is mine and i intend to keep it.
Im also going back and forth on whether im happy or sad in moving and leaving thousands of people behind. I think its a bit of both: freedom to be myself when im not subconsciously performing a person im not because im scared of the constant backlash is very nice, but thats still... a lot of people. It feels like im leaving a lot behind who would otherwise be nice to have just because of numbers.
Also, its human and completely natural to like having a place where you always get a lot of attention and engagement. I dont mean this in a selfish way, but its going to take some getting used to to not have every post I make reliably get hundreds of notes. It was both a blessing and a curse: it meant i always had tons of ears to the things I wanted to get out there, but that also meant I got tons of harassment. I think it subconsciously made me perform that person im not.
I hope that those of you who stuck around end up liking the real me, because I don't want to perform anymore. I want to put my costume away and just be happy and not worry again.
