I had a vague dream about ORV that has now given me so many thoughts about Kim Dokja’s ■ ■
The eternity of the subway is so interesting to me I just sit and think about everything he must have experienced there. 74,000 years while mostly filled with nothing weren’t always that way. Perhaps Oldest Dream was asleep for most of it perhaps he wasn’t, but we know it wasn’t always that way. The Kim Dokja we know, the demon king of salvation sat in observation of the ones he loved the most, creating a 0th turn where everyone was saved that no one had to suffer loss and grief and he was outside that always scoffed at and unloved, seen as an annoying bastard by constellations and incarnations alike. Of course he didn’t mind that as long as he saved who he needed to. And when it finally came to a point where the party came to view him as part of their story he's so disgustingly attached that he can't be normal about them and simultaneously believes properly entering their lives would ruin all of them.
ALSO!!!!!!! 0th turn is really bittersweet, like he's watching everyone he loves get the ending they deserve. But where is Sooyoung? Where is Sangah? Or Gilyoung? Just because they're not from the novel does that mean they aren't people? They don't deserve to live? Two of his closest friends and his son are just gone forever, and he knows realistically they're in the same turn he left living their own happy ending without him, but what if he never sees their faces again? What if eons stretch by and he'll hardly remember their voices. What if they finally become 'characters' to him as well.
That's not the only reason the 0th turn is messed up, once the 0th turn reached it's own end of the scenarios was NOT the same time when YJH choose to regress. So the only constellation forever bound to the start stream waits as he's forgotten waits and watches his 'companions.' As the kids grow up and go to school as they laugh and play. As they live their dreams as they rest and get to just be people. And he's so happy for them, he truly is. But he wishes he was there. Does he really want to be loved that badly?
Just the terrifying nature of being regulated to nothing more than a viewer in the way that even with the chance to 'talk' to others, you are well and truly alone. For eternity
