#1: pilot

[carlosinnightvale]

C://SSP/surveillance_videos/20120615_173589.mpg

Location: Night Vale Community Radio station, broadcast booth #3. Citizen CGP-129 is sitting at his desk, mid-broadcast.

CGP-129 presses a button on the console. A pre-recorded advertisement plays. CGP-129 removes his headphones.

The door to the recording booth opens. Interloper CTS-510 enters.

CGP-129: “Oh, um, hello! Can I help you? I’m kind of in the middle of my show.”

CTS-510: “Oh! Yes, I- I see. Um. Sorry to interrupt. It’s just, um, my Geiger counter is detecting dangerously high levels of radiation in this area, so I had to, uh, investigate.”

CTS-510 waves the blinking box in his hand around, flailing aimlessly, as if the magnitude of each gesture adds credibility to his statement.

CGP-129: “I don’t know if we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Cecil.”

CGP-129 sticks out his hand. CGP-129 has clearly not heard a single word of what CTS-510 said.

CTS-510: “Carlos. Nice to meet you.”

They shake hands, lingering for just a moment, almost imperceptible but conveying a deep longing-- [Ed note: ENOUGH with the fanfic. Please just transcribe the recordings.]

CGP-129: “Ah, Carlos the scientist! I attended your town meeting the other day. Exciting stuff. I don’t suppose you’d like to stay for an interview? Update the town on your scientific discoveries?”

CTS-510: “Oh, um, I don’t really have anything to report yet. Science takes time, you know. And space. Time and space are the basis of all things scientific.

I should go. Do... science. Experiments. I have important experiments to run.”

CTS-510 glances down at the blinking box in his hand. He looks afraid- no, concerned.

CTS-510: "That reading can't be right... we'd all be showing symptoms of radiation poisoning at those levels."

CTS-510 looks up at CGP-129.

CTS-510: "You all should evacuate the building, just in case."

CTS-510 hurriedly exits.

CGP-129 [softly]: “Goodbye, perfect Carlos.”

CGP-129 puts his headphones back on.

[carlosinnightvale]

Note to self: buy a better couch.

[soft clunk]

Siiiiiiiiiiiggghhh.

[muffled] This town is so weird. Nothing makes any sense…

[sharp snap]

Cecil’s voice: …team of scientists repo—

Carlos: What the–?!

Cecil’s voice: They are quite certain about it. They checked multiple clocks and the sun definitely—

Carlos: Fine; radios turn themselves on in Night Vale. Sure. Why not.

Cecil’s voice: …be grateful to have the sun at all. It’s easy to forget in this hot, hot, hot desert—

Carlos: Dios mío, qué voz… Mmmmm…

[sounds of rubbing fabric]

Cecil’s voice: …take a moment to feel grateful for all the warmth and light and even, yes, extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with.

[unzipping noise]

Carlos: Ohhhh… Mmmm…

[soft noises]

Cecil’s voice: Alligators: can they kill your children? Yes.

Carlos [laughing]: What???

Oh my god, this is ridiculous. I need to go to bed.

[click]

[carlosinnightvale]

[phone ringing]

Dave: Science lab, Dave speaking.

Chad: Hi, I’m calling from Night Vale Community Radio; is Carlos there?

Dave: Uhh…

Carlos [in the background]: Eight… twenty-two! I keep getting 8:22! That’s a full ten minutes off!

Dave: He’s… busy. Can I help you?

Chad: Oh, sure! Cecil was just wondering if Carlos and his scientists had anything exciting to report? You know, for the show?

Dave: His scientists?

Carlos [exasperated]: How can the sun set at the wrong time?? That’s not…

Chad: Oh, that is exciting! Why do you think—

Dave: Look, kid, I gotta go. Sorry, but we need to figure this out.

[calling across the lab] ‘Shel? Stan? First thing: let’s double check all the clocks.

[carlosinnightvale]

[phone ringing]

Chad: Night Vale Community Radio, intern Chad speaking.

Carlos: I am calling from the monitoring station off of Route 800. Listen, are you feeling any earthquake activity at the station? Our seismometers have been detecting wild seismic shifts, but we’re not feeling anything here… these readings say the ground should be going up and down all over the place!

Chad: Nope, everything’s calm here, Mr. Scientist, sir. Maybe your monitors are broken?

Carlos: I would not be calling to report this information to the public without triple checking all the equipment first. I assure you, the seismometers are all in perfect working order. A scientist is very thorough.

Chad: Sorry, I didn’t mean—

Carlos: Just let me know if any listeners call in to report feeling earthquake activity, OK? The phone number at the lab is 314-1592. It should be easy to remember, because it’s the exact first seven digits of pi! Neat, huh?

Chad: Like, invisible pie?

Carlos: What?

Chad: Oh, you haven’t been to the Moonlite All-Nite Diner yet, have you? You should totally try their invisible pie.

Carlos: Um, ok, sure. I have to go now. Bye!

[carlosinnightvale]

June fifth, thirteen hundred hours. We are standing in front of a strange house in the—hey Dave, what’s the name of this development again?

Dave: Uh… Desert Creek, first broke ground last year—

Carlos: Right! We have discovered a house in the Desert Creek development that… probably doesn’t exist? I think? I mean, it’s right there when you look at it, and it’s between two other identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not. But, we’re not getting any readings on it at all. The infrared thermometer isn’t detecting any heat signature from reflected sunlight or the house itself; the EMF meter isn’t picking up the typical electromagnetic fields generated by modern household electronics; even Stan shining his laser pointer at the front window isn’t creating a refracted beam of red light… or any reflection at all.

Stan: Why don’t we just knock on the door?

Dave: Are you volunteering?

Stan: Uh, well…

Chad [in the background]: Hi, folks! Could I get an official quote on this house that does not exist? You know, for the show?

Carlos: What? Who are you? Where’d you come from?

Chad: Intern Chad, reporting for Night Vale Community Radio. We’d love to do a story on the scientific, uh… science you all are doing here. We don’t often get interlo— I mean, outsiders, coming to visit. Station management is quite interested in your presence here.

Carlos: Oh, wow! That’s great that people are taking an interest in science. But we’ve only just begun our research here, on this house, so I’m sorry but I can’t officially report anything yet. Not until we run more tests. Lots more tests!

Chad: I understand. Hey! Take this. It’s the number to the radio station. We have a tip line for citizens to call in and report their observations on other citizens… or, I guess, on interesting scientific findings. Call us when you have something to share!

Carlos: Thanks, kid! I’m sure we will have lots of exciting discoveries to report soon.

Alright, team, let’s get back to work!

[click]

[carlosinnightvale]

June sixth, eighteen… thirty? Ish? I can’t see my watch right now because of the pizza box in my hand; it’s my turn to pick up dinner for the team, and we’ve been hearing good things about Big Rico’s so I thought— but that’s not the point.

The point is, I just had a great idea about what to do with the box of seismometers that strange transient woman gave us this morning! I’m going to arrange them throughout town, at the most scientifically interesting places, and then compare the recordings from each! Oh, hang on a second.

[away from the recorder] Hey guys? Dinner’s here!

[sounds of chairs being dragged]

Cecil’s voice [in the background]: …lights, seen in the sky above the Arby’s.

Carlos: Huh? What’s that sound?

Rachelle: It’s the local radio station, we’ve had it on all day? …You’re just noticing it now? He’s been saying some real weird stuff.

Carlos: Huh, I guess so.

Dave: C’mon, ‘Shel, you know how into a zone he can get.

Carlos, buddy, I’m just glad you remembered to stop for dinner.

Rachelle: Anyway, after that intern kid appeared out of nowhere yesterday, I got curious about the show he was interviewing for. I’m starting to wonder if it’s a joke show…

[chewing sounds]

Cecil’s voice: …We understand the lights above Arby’s’ game. Invaders, from another world—

Rachelle, laughing: What??? Another world?! Is he for real?

Carlos [under his breath]: That voice, though…

Oh, whoops! Left the recorder running again.

[click]

[carlosinnightvale]

June fourth, fifteen-thirty. The team and I just held a town meeting to introduce ourselves, and let the people of Night Vale know they have nothing to fear. Some people fear and distrust scientists, which is such a shame! We just want to study the fascinating things that are happening in this town. We’re not scary at all!

Anyway, everyone there seemed pretty… unimpressed. The representatives from a government agency I didn’t get the name of even seemed bored, checking their watches and not even bothering to hide the hand signals they were making, which were obviously some type of coded communication system. But I bet once we start making some discoveries, they’ll come around.

OK, I better get going. So much to do!

[click]

[carlosinnightvale]

It is June fourth, oh-eight-hundred. Today is our first day of research! The team and I finished setting up the lab last night, but they wouldn’t let me stay and start running tests right away. Stan pointed out that we didn’t have any samples yet to run tests on, so I guess they all had a point.

So! The first order of business today will be to gather a range of samples for testing, and to record several measurements for analysis. Then we can—

[sound of a door opening]

Oh, it sounds like the team has arrived; I’d better go so we can get started!

[click]