#11-2-17

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine falling asleep on your horse’s back while sitting up, and when you start to slide off Thorin just lifts his foot, and pushes you back into the saddle without waking you.

[its123am]

11-2-17 (Thursday)

[whaaaaaaisuuuup-blog]

It's his birthday today and like every year I sing him happy birthday. So this morning I thought of a nice way to make his birthday even more special since he's 20 now. I worried he might be a bit too busy though. I decided to make the birthday video anyways. But he hasn't texted me back or even looked at my Snapchat. It's 11pm already. He texted me a bit earlier but then stopped around 8. Probably to go to dinner for his birthday. He's all dressed up. But the thing that is bothering me is that girl that always shows up in his snapchats. Especially when he's eating. Idk what she intentions are with him but I don't like it. She makes me feel suspicious, since she was the only person in the picture when he sent me a Snapchat. It's pissing me off how much she's showing up. It's like she's trying to start something. And I can't stand it and makes me want to not send him the birthday video at all. But then it is his birthday and I thing that I shouldn't be like this especially on his birthday. I don't want to upset him either especially today. I'm feeling so conflicted!!! Am I too easy? Does he think I'm easy? Cause he knows that he has me around his finger and can pretty much make me go along with him? Am I just stupid? Idk what to do anymore. I wonder if they were alone cause it seemed like it and they were sitting across from each other at Ruth Chris. Idk. I can't get it out of my head I keep wondering and he doesn't text me back and I'm kinda worried she might make a move on him. I want to forget about this but idk how. He always avoids subjects he doesn't like. I was actually thinking that maybe I won't leave if he is able to change my mind but I think he really would rather have me leave. Since he's fine without me and probably has no feelings for me anymore. He just wants to be friends with me now. So I guess I'll go with the original plan. I guess it will make things easier anyways. Less to worry about. I don't think I'll be singing happy birthday to him this year either. Since I would've sent it if he text me about it but not anymore. I also talked to my friend about making the video for him and she thought that it wasn't worth the effort and I guess she was right since I'm not even going to send it in the end. I'm frustrated. Why doesn't he go get some guy friends and why is it always girls around him?!?! When he's in Fresno he always has his guy friends so wtf!?! He has become so close with these girls at his school and I know he's not trying to date all of them I don't like how close they are to him. Makes me hate girls even more. My friend I always turn to has even started ignoring my messages cause I complain to much. Wonderful. Can I just stop time and have a cry fest? I don't have enough time for this.

[supersweetpealove]

At Avery park with the dogs.

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

6:08. Bernie in my mouth! Let’s see.

[artiya-il-muriel-chamuel-blog]

Always 5. No matter what else ALWAYS five. Tick tock . Open. Lean. Fly. I’m lucky I️ have nothing today. A tab a day keeps the psychosis away. They’re really trying to cap me. I refuse . Debating whether to take it together with friend or alone during the day. Curious.! Joan Jett in this bitch. Time goes by. So slowly. My ass. Blink. Poof. So fast. How tf did I️ get here. A picture a day. I was just bald. Poof. Blink. I’ll soon disappear. Just like everyone else.