as each day passes after some recent endings in my life, i am once again reminded of just how real the whole idea of energy and influence is. when i stop for a moment to think, i’m honestly baffled by how one’s life can change so drastically, and with such immediacy, after the removal of a person or situation. and i mean in the best ways. *sigh* the new-found clarity is most welcome, but it’s a helluva thing.
to realize just how much you were slowly being held back or down is… a lot to say the least. realizing that every time you separated was when you truly felt good about yourself and your life. only to feel drained once again upon reconnecting. this doesn’t mean they in and of themselves were totally evil or toxic, or that you are. maybe it’s just that the connection itself, and your responses to it (codependencies, anxiety, etc), eventually became somewhat soul-sucking. chemistry waned. perhaps for all parties.
a side note: i really believe, had we not felt the need/pressure from ourselves to be romantic or sexual, this person and i would’ve survived wayyy better as friends. the connection was definitely strong and plain as day. i believe we entered each other’s lives for a reason. but perhaps we, in our individual quests for love and marriage, misconstrued it to be an invitation for something more. either way, growth was acquired and lessons were learned.
