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When it's #kenzington birthday but everyone else is trying to take over. #112013 #kierra #karter #happybirthday

#112013 #karter #happybirthday #kierra #kenzington

LX: sweater weather

Sometimes at these hours of the night when my apartment is quiet and all I can hear is the passing by of cars, my mind tends to wander around. It’s like there’s a fog in my head and despite the eeriness, there’s a sense of wonder.

I’m really starting to enjoy the weather changes. I’ve been waiting for the outdoors to look more autumn-y. The change in the color of the leaves on the trees and the damp atmosphere are lovely. I just can’t wait until I begin to see Christmas lights everywhere especially since I live near the mall so it gets totally festive. I love the Christmas songs being played also. I really do love my life right now. I know underneath all the irrelevant feelings that I have right now, I truly and wholeheartedly love my life. At least I’m not being oblivious to my feelings but at the same time I just feel like enough is enough and I shouldn’t always have to keep telling myself to stay positive. Because in reality it’s not that difficult. It’s just all mind games. I mean the weather is perfect, I enjoy both of my jobs, and I don’t really have any negative people in my life. I guess I just feel a bit lonely. It’s kinda funny because I know I like my own company, I actually prefer it. But I guess all islands need occupants… That’s what she said… Ew… No but really.

The temperature is dropping, the autumn ambiance is kicking in full force, and all I want to do is stay cozy.

#weds #112013 #1155pm

LIX: indifferent

I can’t sleep yet again. I think it’s because I disrupted my daily caffeine intake time because for a few days I did not drink an energy drink in the morning and on Saturday night I ended up drinking really strong coffee which kept me awake all night so I ended up not sleeping until almost 5am. Then I didn’t take any energy drinks on Sunday either and tried going back to drinking an energy drink on Monday morning which I then realized how out of wack my energy levels were because even though I drank an energy drink in the morning I was still exhausted throughout the day and the energy drink didn’t even take into effect at all. Leaving me utterly drained of energy by the time I finished my workout which I usually do towards the end of the day. I’m trying to situate my body back to it’s daily caffeine intake time just so I can feel those bursts of energy throughout the day which was doing great in my routines.

You know it’s kind of funny because I feel like my mind automatically switched back into indifference. It’s like the state of mind in which I didn’t really need anyone and I’m perfectly fine with going places and participating in activities alone. I actually kind of prefer it this way. Needless to say, I wouldn’t mind having company along with me, I enjoy it but always having company just isn’t my style. Unless it’s someone I’m interested in of course. I’ve always been that kind of person. I don’t necessarily need numerous close friends, I would rather be more comfortable having just one person beside me to hold it down with. It only really takes one person for me to be satisfied anyway and I really believe that my heart only has the capacity to fully care and show affection to one person that isn’t family. I mean in the context of more dramatic measures. I naturally care about everyone’s well-being just because I don’t wish any ills or hardships upon anyone but it never goes past anything on a personal, intimate level.

Despite all of that, at this point in my life I am completely self indulgent. Which in itself might sound bad but is in fact good. I don’t have to rely on people, I can just get whatever I want for myself which also relieves people of my own wants and needs.and allows them to think more about themselves. However I know that I will always put myself before anyone else. Sounds selfish, I know but I think of it this way: I have to work on a better me before anything else because ultimately it is my life and I can’t just go around pleasing everyone while losing sight of who I am.

I should really go to sleep now. It’s almost 1am and I have class in a few hours plus work at night. Well, good night universe.

#weds #112013 #1233am